


The Bear and the Fox.

by Vykyll



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Asexual Hawke/Varric, Background Fenris/Anders, Boys Kissing, Bullying, Child Abuse, Derealization/Dissociation, Elves purr, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Homophobic Language, Hurt No Comfort, InnerCircle Change, Love at First Sight, M/M, Modern Boy in Thedas, Modern Character in Thedas, Not usual Inquisition stuff, Out of Character, Protectiveness, Teen Inquisitors, Teen Romance, Timeline What Timeline, Two Inquisitors, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-27 21:17:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14434260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vykyll/pseuds/Vykyll
Summary: Matty was just trying to be himself in England. Kid didn't know the half of it when everything went wrong. He meets another in a world thatsOHso very much not his own, because thats how his life decided to play out.Two teens being thrust into a situation thats well above them, over them and everything in between.(Not a Mary-Sue. No overpowered mage stuff. No, oh look my favourite game I'm plunged into. Just two kids in a world of WTF's!)





	1. 24H's feels like a lifetime of battles.

**Author's Note:**

> This, in all honesty, was the hardest of my stories to write. Matty is fifteen at the beginning of all this and the kid goes through some horrible shit right before/during Thedas.  
>  **So, fair warning on that.**
> 
> (Also, not every kid in the world has a mobile phone, owns a computer, knows much pop-culture. Because not everyone can afford expensive things. Books are grand, libraries are grand. They are fricken wonderful inventions!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter, contains elements of a real-life situation. Massive WORD of warning on this-
> 
> An adult hurting a kid for his sexuality, is reprehensible. Even peers are cruel about it.
> 
> I don't care WHO you are, you don't bully, beat or hurl insults at someone whos trying to be themselves! Skin, sex, culture- You JUST don't do it! Full. Stop.
> 
>  
> 
> **ONWARD TO THE STORY PILGRIMS!**

Last day of school couldn't come quick enough and he was wound up tighter then anything right now. The sun was high and hot, summer going to be in full swing when they all pile out the doors. One day, one more bloody day. It couldn't come quick enough at all.

Matty chewed on his bottom lip half listening, half quickly looking to his right at Stefan, then darting back to half listening again. Today, he promised himself, today was going to be the day he'll finally say it. A year he's been waiting, umming and erring to say what was on his mind. Tell his friend the truth. But this? God, he didn't think he'd- not yet, not yet, stop thinking about it right now.

Hurry up last bell, hurry the hell- it rings, Matty's heart is clanging as loud as that bloody thing. Today, tell him today... just, tell him.

Nerves went through him again grabbing his backpack as fast as he could, getting knocked in the shoulders as normal when everyone else flies out the door. One day, last day tomorrow, he just needed to say it today before- before Stefan leaves next week.

Shit.

"Hey," his friend nudges his shoulder as they walk out together, "wanna come over later? Mums working late, dads- wanna come over?"

Matty's eyes go huge, a swirl of red goes over his cheeks as he grins, "Fuck yeah. Seven?" He walks in-front of his friend backwards, "Can come earlier if you want."

"Naw, seven's good. Oh, and Matty," Stefan flicks his nose, "bring popcorn, yeah. Gonna watch a movie, or two, or ten, or whatever."

His heart sinks just a small bit. Movies. Huh, he's, actually only ever seen a few in his life that he can remember. And popcorn- "Sure, I'll, er, bring that. I think we have some? I'll ask mum when I get home."

Stefan grins flicking his nose again when they step out side, with him still walking backwards out the doors. Tonight, god, yes, thank you, thank you a thousand thank yous I can tell him tonight! They split off in opposite directions, his mind spinning with giddiness -which he felt like spinning around in circles himself with it- that he can finally tell his best friend in the whole world.

Tonight.

* * *

 

Popcorn was easier said then done. They didn't have any, nothing like that in their cupboards. His mum's face when she helped him look, ugh, he knew she was doing it just to ease him. After dad died, it was just the two of them living on a pitance. Popcorn and movies and TV and all that crap, was a luxury they couldn't afford. He, honestly, didn't really give a shit if anyone else gave him grief for not having anything like that.

Was his life not theirs. He had his sketch books, the library, the world outside-

His mum brushed the loose hair from his face, pecked a kiss on his cheek, then made her way out the door for the night shift. Matty sighed watching her leave, then glanced at the old clock on the stove. He had an hour to go. But his nerves, shit, they got him good pacing around their small flat. His hands shook, his body felt weak, his mind spun out of control- He needed to sit down before he fell down from it all.

"Not helping," he mutters under his breath pulling his hair dividing it into three, then tried to braid it as normal. But his hands shook too much to even do it, Matty just kept it a loose pony tail down his back instead. An hour to go when he glanced at the clock again and he had no popcorn to take with him. He knows Stefan doesn't mind, he hasn't done in years. But this last year when they both growth spurted during last summer, ugh, his hormones took charge of everything again.

Stefan was taller then him, but his build, fuck, his build was like a poster model now. All slim and toned, all- all- _NOT HELPING!_ Matty puffed out his cheeks looking down his own stupid teenaged body; A little short like dad, almost built like a rugger player like dad (What did Stef call them both? Oh yeah, buff), but soft in the heart just like mum.

Dad, he smiles looking at the old pictures of them, Ursa by last name, Ursa by nature. His heart stuttered looking over the photos of them all happy, and younger and everything. Everything they weren't any more without him being there. Nope, not getting anything done when he slapped his hands on his thighs as he rose, he needed to get going. Get dressed first, yeah, THAT would be a good idea. Can't go prancing around in boxers and socks.

His room felt empty having to sell half his stuff off just so they could pay rent. His frayed jeans laid out on his bed, boots next to them, some Def Leppard T he found in a thrift shop for 25p stared up at him. "Still not helping," Matty grumbles pulling everything on, "stop judging me."

He had no idea who he was saying that too, probably himself more then anything slipping dads old boots on. Hmmm, he did see a bag of crisps in the cupboard, he'll take that so they can share it watching- whatever it is their going to watch. Probably something he's never heard of knowing him.

Keys and crisps grabbed, latches locked up tight, Matty made his way to Stefan's. Even if his stomach was bunching up like mad.

* * *

 

"So," he frowned at the images on the TV, "let me get this straight. When you said movie, I thought-" Shit, he didn't know what he thought trying to make heads an tail of whats going on right now. Star Wars? He's heard about it, seen the posters but never watched anything about it. And this was what, four, six, ugh, he had no idea.

"Darth Vader was Luke Skywalkers dad," Stefan leaned on him sharing the bag of crisps, "Han Solo is Kylo Ren's dad. Shit," his friend snorted, "should of started on the originals, huh."

Matty just shrugged still not getting anything thats going on at all. But whatever, it made his friend happy watching it with him, so whatever makes Stefan happy- ugh, just tell him, tell him right now.

"Stefan, I-" his throat felt very, very dry getting the stupid words out. He nodded his head and started again, "Stef, theres something I gotta tell you. And I'm," he smiled as best he could when the movie was paused, "not going to have time when you leave next week for summer school."

"Whats that?"

Matty licked his lips, nerves going through him again facing his best friend in the world. "I'm gay. And, shit," his whole body shook, "and I think I've fallen in love with you, Stef. Have done for the past year. And I've been trying to tell you, on both things, about-"

Stefan's face shifted looking at him, his whole body language shifted lowing the bag of crisps onto the coffee table. Matty watched his friends face, watched it harden backing away slowly from him. His entire body was tense leaning on the opposite arm of the couch putting distance between them both. This- this- _this was NOT_ what he thought was going to happen at all. His nerves shot up ten fold looking away from his friend, who looked scarily just like his dad right at that moment.

"I, um, I wanted you to know that." His voice sounded small, oh so small, stupid and really really weak still looking away.

Silence was deafening him, willing his friend to say something, anything from the other side of the couch. Matty wanted to go home now. He really bloody did-

"So your a fag? One of those people, huh?"

The tone of Stefan's voice shook him to the core snapping his head back to look at him. And there it was etched right on his beautiful face: Hate and disgust. Matty's bottom lip quivered when he nodded, "Gay, yes. Not a fa-"

The sting across his face shocked him it was that fast. He sat there staring at the hand that hit him, wet warmth trickled down his lip choking back on the sob. Everything left him still sitting there dumbstruck, Stefan screwing his face up even more. "Five years, five fucking years and NOW you tell me your a faggot? What, you thought you could stick your dick in me tonight, huh? Thought that your best fucking friend would be alright with you being queer!"

"Stef, I- I-" oh, god, he thought he would be. He really really did think his friend would be alright with it. "I'm sorry, I- Stef, please-"

"Get the fuck outta my house. I never, EVER, want to see you again. Everyone in schools gonna know your a FUCKING FAGGOT!"

Shame went through him running out of the house, blood ran down his chin onto his shirt pounding his feet on the pavement. Oh god, oh fucking god, what the hell has he done. What the bloody hell has he done? His only friend, and that- that happened? His heart broke running as fast as he can back home, tears streaming down his face mingling with the blood. What has he done.

* * *

 

There wasn't enough tears in his body crying hard into his pillow. There wasn't enough of anything coming out of him screaming into it. And what was worse, there was that one day of school left tomorrow and he had to go. He HAD to go and now everyone's going to know what he is.

Wasn't this day and age supposed to better on all that? Matty threw his pillow across his room in anger, it was wasn't it? But no, his best friend in the whole wide world proved him wrong in that point. He wishes he never said a bloody thing now, he really did. Summer's going to be hell, he just knows it. God, he was an idiot for thinking his friend would feel the same way, he really did.

Both of them were barely ten when they met, both of them going through shit together with Matty's dad dying, Stef's dad being a dick all the time. Five years of friendship gone in a matter of seconds, all because he fell in love with his best friend. All because he was- The front door opened then closed the latches being shut again, Matty ran out of his room straight into his mum, holding her tight as he sobbed dry tears onto her shoulder.

"Luv? Oh luv what happened?"

Her hands rub up and down his back as he just gripped the back of her work shirt hard, "I told him," he choked out, "I told him and he-"

"What? Luv, let me look at-" her eyes go huge at the bruise on his face, the state he was in, "Who did this? Was it that Arron boy?"

"No. Stef." Matty's face fell looking away from her ashamed again, "I, I told him I'm- that I- he hit me for it."

She guided them to the small living room, sat them both down murmuring soft words to calm his nerves. But his heart was still broken, his mind was in pieces, his life, was ruined because he thought he could be himself. _God, what have I done?_

* * *

 

They all looked at him, they all did as he walked past them all with his head hung low. A random foot caught his own, Matty went sprawling onto the floor dropping everything in his arms. Laughter rang out above him trying to get up off the ground, only to be kicked back down again in the gut. His books got scattered when everyone walked past, pencils and pens broken in two, his sketch book thrown back at him when he sat on his haunches.

He promised himself he wouldn't cry, but he felt like it right now gathering everything back up. Even his measly lunch got tormented, getting tossed against the lockers from his former best friend. Matty's bottom lip quivered looking up at him through his lashes, looking at his emaculately slicked back brown hair, his blue eyes narrowing up at him then spat on his sketch book leaving him there on his own.

Teachers didn't give two shits either, whizzing on by to classes for the last day. And it was only morning, he had the entire day to get through. And then summer-

First class, wasn't too bad. He still had one pen that wasn't broken writing in his text book. He didn't really know why he was bothering with this, any of this. He really didn't. Second class- second bloody class he had to be with Stefan.

His seat was right next to him when they all piled in, shoulders being jostled more then ever before. Whispers behind him of 'Fag' and 'Queer' reached his ears chewing on his bottom lip as he sat. His old friend wouldn't even look at him, a sneer was on his face where a smile used to be. And he did that. He fucking well did that. He felt like he deserved the bruise on his face because he-

A screwed up ball of paper was thrown into has lap, his name written all over it. Matty looked around to see who did it unfurling it to read. He screwed it back up and tossed it away with the profanity written on it. His heart hammered hard wishing this day to end. Two more classes, just, two more then he can go home.

Lunch came with him getting slammed in to lockers, getting pushed into walls and doors by kids he didn't even know. _Oh god, just make this stop, please! PLEASE just_ -

"Oi, fairy," a used tampon was thrown at him, "Stuff that up your back pussy."

Matty puked when it landed right by his feet, he puked over his boots backing away from it right into someone. He didn't know who, running off into the bathrooms to hide to clean the stench away from him. His stomach hurt, everything hurt on him as he sobbed looking at himself in the mirror. His dark blond hair hung limpy around his face coming loose from his braid, his green eyes rimmed red and puffy, his whole fucking face looked like shit... and he still had two more classes to go.

The taunting got worse, the notes got more vulger the longer the day dragged on. One more hour, oh god, just one more hour he had to go. Matty didn't think he can do it any more. He really didn't. Stefan spat insults at him whenever the teachers back was turned, the other kids in his class wouldn't even deign to acknowledge he was sitting there any more. Puke edged its way up his throat again when Stefan murmured in his ear, "Fags gonna get fucked."

"Leave me alone," he felt so small now, small, alone and terrifed when school finally gets out. "Just-" Now all he can think of; he wants to die, because everyone would be better off without the queer boy fucking everything up- Oh god, everyone would be better if he wasn't around any more. Just-

The final bell rang. He just ran as fast as he could out the classroom, not even caring he's got summer homework to do he left behind. He just needed to get out of here as soon as possible, away from everyone. He ran, and ran, and ran almost all the way home. His legs burned like fuck, his backpack slapping his thighs holding it hard in his hand. Tears almost ran down his face just a few houses away from the-

Matty realised he went the wrong way. He, actually went to Stef's house instead. He, was looking at the blue painted door. The fuck did he come this way for? Why did he come this way after EVERYTHING thats gone on today. Why was he standing right outside Stefan's house right now? He stepped back a few paces shaking in his boots when the front door slammed open, Stef's dad glaring at him.

"The fuck you want? He ain't here, homo."

_Oh, god. OH GOD! OH MY FUCKING GOD! He told his DAD!_ Matty's palms were so damp he dropped his backpack on the ground, he swore his knees knocked when the older man pointed him inside.

"No."

"GET THE FUCK IN THERE RIGHT NOW BOY!"

"I- I'm not-" Matty screamed when the man charged at him, grabbing the scruff of his neck then dragged him inside the house. _Mum, oh god mum, I need you. Oh god._ His back hit the coffee table hard, the corner dug right in his ribs rolling off it. But Stefan's dad, the anger and HATE in his face, scared the living crap out of him.

"You sick, perverted SHIT STAIN!" Matty scooted as far as he could from the man when he raised his fist. "Trying to fuck my boy, huh? Faggots like you," he spat at him just like his son, "should be drowned at birth. Your dad would be ashamed. Why'd you come here? ANSWER ME BOY!"

Matty was too terrifed to even speak, the older man standing astride his legs snarling down at him. That same puke from earlier, edged its way back up his throat when his neck was grabbed. Fuck sake, he's bigger then Stef's dad, but he was way too terrifed to even do anything getting choked.

"Pervert. Sick, shit of a fairy pervert." The HATE, oh god the hate in his eyes bored right into Matty's. He kicked out, biting his nails into the mans forearms to get him off. His face stung again when he got backhanded by the man. A foot hit his stomach, then his chest cracking a few ribs. Insult after insult was thrown at him. Blood ran down his lips trying to fight the man off him. Tears streamed down his face feeling his nose split open, his own fists fighting back as hard as he could.

"FRANK! Oh my god Frank!" Stef's mum screamed in the doorway, "I'm calling the police. THIS IS THE LAST TIME!"

He got let go, his body just slumped to the floor sobbing through his clenched teeth. Stef's mum got a backhand too, her mobile phone flying through the air as she screamed at him to stop. Matty backed away on his arse, his knuckles hurt, everything hurt scrambling up off the ground. He ran out of the house, grabbing his backpack on the way and just ran as fast as he could. But wasn't that easy as Stef's dad came after him.

Chasing him down the street yelling at him to come back, he'll beat a real man into him like he did with his boy. Matty almost choked on the blood in his mouth darting through people, he had no idea where he was running too right now. But he needed to get away. He needed someone to call the police for him, anything. He needed that shop right there when he fell into the door, shaking like a leaf on the wind walking backwards.

Incense hit his nose, the shop owner gasping out loud behind him as Stef's dad slammed the shops door shut. Oh god, he was trapped, he had no-where else to go. He can hear the dial tone coming from behind him, the shop owner calling for help. But Stef's dad on the other hand heaved stepping forward slowly. Matty looked about himself quick, searching for the nearest thing to defend himself-

A ball of stone sat on some shelf nestled in red velvet cloth. He would of admired the wierd squiggles going around it, if it wasn't needed right now.

He picked it up even with Stef's dad yelling at him-

Matty felt his inside burning up as soon as he touched it. The scream that was wrenched from his throat was ear piercing. He just couldn't let go of it no matter how hard he tried, it burned into his flesh, racing up his arm like nothing he's felt before. Everything felt hot and searing over his skin, against his face, against his entire body. The loud popping-

The world winked out with him still screaming like a banshee, pain wracked through his entire core. But he swore on everything as his mind blanked, that he was swimming in a sea of green haze with people there staring him in shock.


	2. Your struggles have just begun.

"Who did this to him?"  
  
A womans voice he didn't know rattled around his head drifting in and out of consciousness. Creators, did his hand hurt something bad. His knees hurt too. Head. Ears- Why in the name of everything did his **EARS** hurt! Who's been messing with them?  
  
"He was brought in like this, Cassandra. The mage you sent away could of helped him!"  
  
Another womans voice. What was going on? He tried to blink his eyes open, pala, even they hurt.  
  
"Sweet Maker, did one of the soldiers do this? Leliana," the first woman spoke right next to him. He flinched a bit still trying to open his eyes, "Do we have any Elfroot on hand at all? Healing salves? Anything?"  
  
"Not on hand. Oh- I think that ones awake already."  
  
He finally, finally opened his eyes, then immediately balked at the amount of people surrounding him right now. He went to move, only to find his hands were bound in rope on the floor. Fennix swallowed sharply looking about himself in panic, his gaze landing on the woman in-front of him on her knees, scowling in the near dark.  
  
"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you now."  
  
"Wha- what? What I do?" Fennix blinked rapidly at her, then, out the corner of he eye, he can see someone else bound to the floor next to him. He slowly turned his head to see, "CREATORS!" The person next to him was bruised and bloody, the darkish hair stained red with it, head lolled forward. "What happened? Where am I? Who's that?" So many questions going around his panic struck head right now, and nothing was making any sense.  
  
"What is this?" his hand was grabbed hand, green raced over it as he stared, he noticed the other one had something similar on his right. The woman growled in her throat, "Tell me what it is!"  
  
"I- I- don't know. I don't even know where I am. Where's Mahannon?"  
  
The woman with black hair scowled at him even more, dropping his hand to look at the one on the others hand. She turned it over gently, hissed through her teeth at the blooded and bruised knuckles right there. Even he hissed looking the other over. Looked to be about the same age as her. Maybe? Hard to tell in the grim dark. Fennix gazed at the people around the room again, all had their swords drawn, all looked exceptionally angry.  
  
All of them scared the etunash out of him really. The room, the more he looked about, was in the middle of a prison. Cells lined two walls and no doubt behind him as well. What in the name of Mythal happened? Why does he have some odd green thing on his hand? Why is everyone angry with him? Where the pala was his isa'ma'lin!  
  
And who was the other next to him slowly waking up. Creators, what happened to them both?  
  
"Can someone tell me what's going on? I just don't understand."  
  
Leliana? Was that her name? She dipped her head down from behind her hood, "Do you remember nothing? Do you know who he is?"  
  
"I-" Fennix closed his eyes trying to sort through his memories, "I remember running. There was a woman there, she glowed I think. Tha-thats all I remember. And I don't know who he is. Wheres my isa'ma'lin? He was with me, where is he and my falon?"  
  
Both of the womens faces dropped, they quickly looked at each other, then back at him. _Oh, Creators, no._ Tell him his- "Is, is he dead? Someone tell me, is my isa'ma'lin dead!"  
  
"I think it would be best if I show you. Leliana, help this one and when he wakes fully, explain everything then bring him outside. And as for you," this Cassandra roughly took hold of the ropes holding him to the floor, "everyone at the Conclave is dead. All of them, and you two are the only ones to survive."  
  
No. No, thats not- They can't- All of them? His isa'ma'lin? His... falon. Fennix choked on a sob in the back of his throat being hauled up off the ground. They were all gone. His heart drummed heavily in his chest getting guided out from the dungeon. But his eyes never left the ground thinking everything over. Trying to remember what happened for them all to be dead. They can't be all dead, they just can't be!  
  
Bright sunlight blinded him as they stepped outside, his eyes hurt all over again covering them up as best he can with bound hands. People, he can hear, were muttering around him, words of 'Murderer' and 'Killer' filled his brain looking over them all. Hate were etched on their faces looking at him, hate, rage and Creators knows what else just glaring at him.  
  
Was it because he was an elf? Wouldn't be surprised at all.  
  
Then- then- then something else grabbed his attention high above him. Something that made his hand buzz like he was holding a wasp in his palm. It stung, it itched, it made him cry out in pain the same time the sky heaved angrily. His already hurt knees hit the snow packed ground hard, tears rolled down his cheeks looking up at the green raging swell in the heavens. Fennix's bottom lip quivered when the pain subsided, Cassandra clasped her hands over his with a sullen expression.  
  
"Sweet Maker, how old _ARE_ you? We," she shook her head looking away from him, "we call it the Breach. Its a massive rift into the world of demons. It- it is not the only such rift. But you, you- I did not realise how- It grows with each passing hour. All were created by the explosion at the Conclave."  
  
Fennix panted in shock at her. He panted trying to back away into the building behind him. "No, no, I didn't do it! I DIDN'T DO IT! Telamdys ra, **WHERES MY ISA'MA'LIN!** "  
  
"Have you heard nothing I said! They are all dead, all of them. The Divine, the clerics- They are all dead from THAT!" Cassandra pointed at the swirling green vortex still heaving above them all. "The two of you are our only suspects, both of you, even if he- We need to close the Breach before it swallows the world. That Mark, that thing on both your-"  
  
She stopped her speech to look up behind him. Her face fell as a pair of legs stood next to them both, the cloth was like nothing he's seen before. Even the boots were nothing like he's seen before. Blood splatted over the light blue fabric, holes were in the knees as he slowly looked up, the unusual vestments the other was wearing perplexed him greatly. Cassandra helped him off the ground still looking at the others face in shock, she paled looking away again.  
  
But not him. He- he just looked into the others face, the shem boys face looking at him just as terrified. Creators, his eyes, they were beautiful. Like emeralds shining in this weak light, his face -even through the bruises and blood- took his breath away. The other boy was looking him over just as much -ears more then anything- but he was looking at him with a swirl on pink over those cheeks.  
  
"As- as I were saying. The Mark on both your hands, maybe the key in stopping the Breach. But it is killing you. We have to leave for the forward camp."  
  
"No," Fennix blinked a few times. Did he say that? Oh, he didn't when the other boy spoke again, "No, I'm not going anywhere. I don't know you! I was locked up for fucks sake! Wheres my mum, wheres the damn police? The shits that on my hand? The fucks going on! Who are you people?"  
  
"We do not have time for this, trust me. Sweet Maker, children. Sent children to aide us. But we have to leave now, we do not have much time."  
  
He was no Da'len! Fennix puckered his mouth up yanking his hands free from the woman when she cut his binds. The other boys hands were trying to wrap themselves around his broader chest, sucking in deep breaths and wincing. Etunash, perhaps his ribs were broken? Ugh, he was no Da'len as they trailed after the older woman, the people around them muttering under their breaths again at him, at them both, walking through his encampment.  
  
He doesn't even remember seeing this place. No, thats right, they went the other way to spy on this thing. But if his isa'ma'lins dead, his best falon, what was he going to do now? Fennix quickly looked at the other one, then down to the strange green glow on his hand. It was a similar thing, but more so. He would of remembered someone like him at the Conclave, he knows full well he would. Even his isa'ma'lin would of remarked on someone like him being there.  
  
Did he loose his mamae at the Conclave too? He said he wanted her, perhaps she did die there? Fennix opened his mouth to ask him-  
  
The green thing on his hand buzzed again, itched, felling him and the other boy to the ground. Pain shooting right up his arm with it, hissing through his teeth with how much that hurt.  
  
"I do not know how much this pains either of you. But we must go."  
  
She went to help them both up, but the two of them shrugged her off helping each other instead. Which actually made Fennix blink rapidly again, the other boy blinking too before letting go of his hands. Uh. That was... Why was his heart beating like a wild beast in his chest at that simple touch? Pala, he needs to concentrate right now.  
  
"You may not remember what happened. Either of you. But you," Cassandra nodded at him, "there was a woman behind you as you came from the rift. We believe it was Andraste who delivered you to us. Saved you. And you-"  
  
Her face fell again, "I, actually do not know. You came after he did. Do you remember anything? Anything that happened to you at all?"  
  
The other boy lowered his head and looked away. Creators, he looked ashamed which made his stupid heart do strange things in his chest again, putting the Marked hand on his shoulder for comfort. The other one looked back at him sharply, he saw the sheen in his eyes and smiled softly as to say, 'Its alright'.  
  
"Um. I touched some stone ball. My friends da- my former friends dad he- He did this to me. I ruined everything. I bloody well screwed up so bad. And now this? He beat me up, alright, all because I said-" tears ran down his cheeks looking away from them both again, "I want my mum. I want to go home. I don't even know where I am. I just touched some stupid stone ball, thats all I did. I wasn't stealing it!"  
  
Fennix almost fell over colliding with Cassandra as she balked up at the other.  
  
"Sweet Andraste, your just a child! Why would someone do that to you?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it. I'm not a bloody child, I'm fifteen!"  
  
"And I'm sixteen. We are not Da'len, woman. But your giving both of us NOTHING other then what this supposedly is. Do I look as though I give a pala about your gods? I'm Dalish!"  
  
The older womans mouth fell open at them both, huge stripes of red went over her face and down her neck gaping at the pair of them. Oh, he felt all smug standing to his full height pushing the others on his shoulder to move away from her. Not like he knew where he was going right now, but he felt all smug nonetheless. And his hand was on the other boys shoulder, oh creators, he wanted to whimper again-  
  
They both strode over the bridge as it exploded in a shower of stone and green. They all went tumbling down onto the ice, the other boy crying out in pain landing on his side. His own head hit the ground hard, stars danced over his eyes as things just rose from the ice. _PALA!_ Fennix quickly looked about himself as Shades burst right on through, the older woman charging off to cull the fiends.  
  
But him, he had no weapons on hand right now. He needed-  
  
Short swords, he saw short swords next to a broken crate. Fennix scrabbled as fast he could to them, the Shade slithered over his direction swiping right out for him. It barely missed his head when he ducked and rolled, grabbing the weapons then jabbed them upward right into its stomach.  
  
" **THATS A FUCKING GIANT SLUG!** "  
  
What? Fennix glanced quickly at the other boy scooting away on his backside, fresh blood ran down his mouth as he spat it out. But he could see fear written on his face trying to hide behind some rock. The Shade swiped out at him again as he was distracted, he jabbed the short swords back up into its beady one eyed face this time, ichor dripped down on his ruined armour kicking it away. Why wasn't the other boy helping?  
  
Why in the name of Creators was he afraid of the Shade? A giant slug? What-  
  
"Drop them, NOW!" A tip of a sword graced his neck, "I'm warning you, drop them."  
  
"NO! I'm not dropping them at all. You expect me to fight these telamdys things with my bare hands? Sathan, don't be an idiot."  
  
"Oh my god, that was- what- The hell were those things?" the other one panted from behind, "Tell me I'm dreaming right now. Oh god, please tell me I'm dreaming all of this right now. If this is what movies do to you, bloody hell, I'm never watching another one in my life after this."  
  
"A what? Those," Cassandra lowered her sword from his neck looking the other boy over as he shook, "those were Shades. This is no dream, boy. I do not know what a movie is. But that was a demon. There are more, no doubt, up that slope."  
  
Even Fennix had no idea what a movie was. He slipped the short swords into his belt, tilting his head at the other boy, "Have you even fought before? Do you know how to wield a weapon at all? Didn't someone teach you any of that?"  
  
"WHAT! Do I look like I know how to use a bloody sword? The fucks going on! Mum warned me not to read all those fantasy books from the library, she bloody warned me it'll go right to my stupid teenaged head. Oh god, oh god, oh my fucking god, you killed them, you both did. You, you actually killed those things. Oh god-"  
  
Now even he was more confused then the other boy. He didn't know what a Shade was, he has no idea how to use a weapon, he read books on.. fantasy? The pala was that etunash? And movies? He looked over his clothing again: the strange boots, the strange torn pants, the even stranger vestment covering his chest. He squinted his eyes up at the words written on it: Motorhead. England. And is that a horned demons head on it? What was all that? Wheres his armour? Is that his armour?  
  
Cassandra was calming the other one down as he was clearly panicking. Where in Thedas did he come from? It was like looking at him for the first time all over again. Which is stupid because he did that not half hour before, and before that. But it really was looking over every inch of him; his build (which was gorgeous in his opinion) his height which was shorter then his own (He was always tall for an elf), his dark blond blooded hair that framed his really quite remarkable shemlen face. And those eyes, creators, those eyes of pure emeralds-  
  
Fennix shook his head from those stupid thoughts. He wasn't going to tempt those things again not after last times rejection. Pala, he was feeling tired already rubbing his temples.  
  
"Here," Cassandra pushed something against his chest when he wasn't looking, "Healing salves and Elfroot. Should be enough to get to the Temple, for both of you. I will allow you to protect yourself, Dalish. I will protect him, seeing as he cannot. Now come."  


* * *

  
God he wanted to wake up so bad. He really really did. If this is what being in a coma felt like, he wanted out- like right now he wanted out. Cos none of this was funny in the least trailing after the two of them. Everything hurt on him, absolutely everything hurt. Even his damn hair hurt.  
  
_Mum, oh god mum, where are you. I need you so bad right now, please mum_ -  
  
A hand went on his shoulder gently again, his breath hitched looking at the long fingers out the corner of his eye. He didn't want to look at the one with the elf ears, he really didn't. Shit, those fantasy books held NOTHING on what elves look like. Even in this stupid muffed up dream, he didn't think an elf would look like- like- that!  
  
"I'm fine," Matty mumbled under his breath looking anywhere then the other lad right there. Lad. Elf lad, his minds rolling over and over again. An elf lad who used two swords to fight a fucking giant one eyed slug at that. In pale green armour stuff too. Was that armour? Matty slyly looked over the outfit again. Yeah, thats armour. The tattoo on his face, which was just- wow- just wow!  
  
The other lad -who he has no idea of his name yet- frowned at him squeezing his shoulder before letting go. Oh god, he missed the stupid contact already to the point he almost whined because of it. "You don't look fine. I mean you do, I mean- Your bloody fine, no, I mean your- pala, I- Say something so I can stop babbling."  
  
That made him come up short, nearly tripping over a non-existent stone right there. "Er, um, I said something?" _Smoooooth. Real smooth nimrod._ "Yeah, not helping, huh. I just wish I knew if I'm dreaming all this, or in some coma, or- something?"  
  
"No, this is real. I think. Etunash, I hope I'm dreaming too, because if I'm not-" the other lad cut himself off, fisting his hands by his sides.  
  
Huh. Seems like both of them have no idea whats going on. Matty looked about himself, over the trees, the snow (Which he felt against his skin. Cold, so-), the mountain he guesses ahead of them. Wasn't anywhere he knew. Dreams aren't _THIS_ vivid. And if he was dreaming, coma or otherwise, he wouldn't still be hurting and bloody. And he certainly wouldn't have some weird green shit glowing in his hand that FELT LIKE HELLFIRE! Ugh.  
  
Matty puffed out wisps of white breath over some rise, hearing the sounds of more fighting ahead of them. Feeling a very strange tug in his hand the closer they got. He looked down at it thrumming right there like some sort of strobe light. The woman Cassandra bounded off ahead, jumping down then joined the people fighting. Matty grimaced at the thought of seeing more things being killed. Soft hearted, god he was so much like mum with that. Can't even squash a spider without feeling remorse for the bloody thing.  
  
The taller elfy lad ran ahead too, leaving him standing there like some lemon. But- the thing right there- hanging like some crystal in midair- gave him pause looking it over. The same colour green in his hand too. Matty blinked a few times looking it over, then shook himself out of stupor gazing at the people down there fighting. More of those weird Shade things, and now see-through green skeletal floating things. He really wants to wake up now.  
  
His feet scuffed the ground on the other side, keeping his distance watching this dwarf of a man holding a crossbow? There was also another elf, older, but he held some kind of walking-  
  
"Holy fuck!"  
  
Matty fell backwards on the ground as lightening came from that elf's hands, from the walking stick too. Then cold, then fire, then Matty thought his minds finally gone insane because thats all he can think off watching all this right now. Those Shade things slowly died, the green skeletal things petered out of existent, his hand thrummed like crazy getting up off the snowy ground.  
  
"You must seal it, QUICKLY!" The bald headed elf grabbed the other lads hand, pushing it right up to the weird crystal thing. Matty's mouth fell open feeling his own arm being drawn up too, he even screamed as something got tugged out of it right into the hanging crystal. Both of their hands snapped back hard, the thing vanished with no fanfare, but Matty, _oh my god_ , Matty backed away from them all terrified again.  
  
His mind felt like it was going to ooze right of his ears, because right now, he had no idea what the fucks going on any more. More then it did before. "Hey, hey, hey, its alright! Calm down." A voice muttered right next to him, how'd he get on the floor again? "Maferaths balls, Seeker? Their... sodding kids!"  
  
"I know that!" Cassandra snapped, "Do you not think I know that! Varric, I thought I told you to leave, why are you still here?"  
  
Matty's mind swam again looking at them all. Even the bald headed elf, his face, oh god his face when he looked away. It looked as ashamed as his did before- right before- everything happened. He needed to get out of here, he needed to get past those opening gates right there and just run. He needed to run. He had _NO_ choice but to run. Because this nightmare, this dream this fucking coma wasn't funny any more.  
  
Words went right over his head, everyone speaking at once. But his legs, they scrabbled as he get up off the wet snow and dirt, his entire self shaking as he just ran through those gates as fast as his hurt body can go. People were shouting at him to stop, but his legs, his mind, his body just pushed on right ahead. He didn't care. He just needed to get out of here for mum. He had to get home, he needed to see her, tell her he's alive. Something, anything, he needed-  
  
"HOLY MAKER!" he collided hard with someone, both of them hitting the ground with a thud. The wind got expelled from his lungs, his ribs hurt even more now trying to get away from the person he ran into, but no such luck as he was grabbed. He screamed out in pain, the hand let go, "Sorry, sorry, Maker, I'm sorry."  
  
"Commander Cullen, oh thank everything your alive. I see you caught our runaway. Are you alright?"  
  
"Other then knocking me flat on my backside? I'm fine. He the prisoner? No," the man above him held his hand out, a man in some kind of bathrobe furry thing gently took his hand pulling him up off the frozen ground, "he's not the Dalish. Oh, he's the one-" this blond mans face fell looking him over, "Cassandra, why hasn't anyone healed him?"  
  
"I want to go home." Matty's voice was small and weak again trying to back away from them all, "I want to go home right now. I want to bloody well wake up from all this and go home."  
  
"Er, kid, I'd keep still if I were you."  
  
" **I WANT TO GO HOME!** " he yelled at them all stepping backwards even more. His heel caught something behind him, his arms spun around trying to keep his balance as he turned- He screamed again at the burnt bodies right there behind him, to the one he almost tripped over. There were so many, so, so many right there screaming silently as he was screaming out loud. Flesh burnt and stripped away on some, others no more then an arm or leg attached to melted metal and ground. He puked as he stumbled away, nearly falling over yet another half melted corpse.  
  
Fingers went through his hair as he retched, pulling it out the way as he forced everything out of his empty stomach. Which was no more then bile right now, but he still retched whatever was left in it. "I know," the soft voice murmured holding his hair away from his ever vomiting mouth, "I just did that myself. My isa'ma'lin and falon- Creators, all those people." Something was pushed into his hands getting guided away from the stench, which would follow him till the day he died, he just knew it, it followed him now even and got told, "Its Elfroot, it'll ease the cramps."  
  
Matty nodded his head taking the orange liquid, "Thanks." He looked the small bottle over, sucking in deep breaths spitting out the acid taste in his mouth, then drank down some of the bitter-sweet tang. It numbed his tongue a little bit, but holy crap, it stopped the cramps, the jitters, everything when he looked at the bottle again. "Huh," Matty looked to the elf lad smiling softly at him, "thats, er, thats actually really cool. Though," he frowned sticking his tongue out speaking around it, "thass mun."  
  
The smile that beamed out of the others face, made everything he just saw vanish in an instant. His cheeks felt like they heated right on up handing the bottle back over to him. "It'll do that. Numbs other things too," that smile, _oh god_ , that smile, reached right down to his traitorous teenaged groin. He swore on everything it did. "We, um, well, we need to go through all that for the Temple, apparently. Etunash, I don't want to either."  
  
"Wonderful. So, I'm gonna puke all over again?"  
  
"You and me both. Come on," he got tugged on to move, he followed like a lost puppy he felt right now. Matty tried oh so very hard not to look at the charred bodies around him, trying to ignore the rotten stench, trying to focus on the taller then him other lad. God, he was like another one of those poster models, toned arms and night sky hair, eyes that looked like storm clouds- _No, no, don't. Not after Stefan._ Matty focused on something else this time, like the hard thrum in his hand once more.  
  
"That is where you came out from. That is where Andraste delivered you from the fade, Dalish. That," Cassandra stopped them as they all gaped up at the huge green crystal thing, "that is where they apparently found you also. From what Commander Cullen informed me from the soldiers," Matty felt his insides bunch up as she spoke, "there was a man behind you. They saw him angry and screaming, burning. They, all of them, think that was the Maker guiding you to us as well."  
  
"Um- what? No that was- He, he was so angry with me. He- I seriously don't want to talk about this shit with you. I really don't."  
  
Maker? Andraste? The hell were those people? More words were spoken, stuff that didn't make one lick of sense to him. But this place, holy shit, it was like one of those suicide bombers fucked this whole place up. At least he knew what that shit was about from the papers. But this place, whatever it used to be before, was nothing but a husk. They said Temple, wonder what kind of Temple is used to be. Matty walked with them all slowly over the ruins, careful not to tread on anything or end up dying falling over some stone.  
  
Everything was numb on him, he had no idea if it was shock now, or that Elfroot stuff the other one gave him. But he felt numb inside and out when a dark creepy voice echoed out around them. Ugh, even he cringed at the voice. Then there was another one, a woman calling out for help. Matty's stomach plummeted looking at them all. Did the creepy voice kill her? Kill all those people too? _Oh god, oh what the fucking hell's going on!_  
  
"The fade bleeds into this place. We are possibly hearing the one who created the Breach. Which is why I highly doubt either of these two did this, Seeker."  
  
"Can we kinda get this over and done with? This old codger saw red lyrium back there. But whats it doing here?"  
  
Matty half listened to the conversation next to them both, but he half looked over the place humming like a broken light. Shit did it make him itch. All of it did. Numb or no, the itching was going to drive him batty. They all clambered down to some lower part of the ruins, the itching got worse and worse and-  
  
"Keep the sacrifice still." AND there was the creepy voice again, and FUCK! Matty grabbed hold of the other lad right there looking up at the image in the sky. Creepy voice had a creepy looking body to go with it.  
  
"Someone. Help me!" Now there was some old woman held up in the air by creepy man.  
  
Matty balked looking at the elf up there barging through some door, then to the one next to him. "What the pala's going on here?" who did a double take looking at himself up there. And then-  
  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
His knees gave out at his own weird distorted image up there, his hand reaching for something he can't see. Stef's dad growling through his teeth at him, though he kinda looked like some sort of weird white glowy thing. He doesn't remember that, why doesn't he remember that at all. His stomach, even with the numbness, cramped right on up again as the images turned back to tall and creepy, shouting again.  
  
"We have an intruder. Slay the elf."  
  
Matty's mind was spinning and spinning and spinning all over again. What happened, what the fuck happened. Thats not what happened, was it? Thats not real. This isn't real. Nothing felt real at all looking at his hands. He can hear things being clanged together as his mind blanks from everything. _Wake up, oh god just wake up, please just WAKE UP FROM THE NIGHTMARE!_  
  
_Mum, mum, where are you. Mum, oh god mum_ \- His hand was lifted like before, the tugs ripped right through him like a hundred bloody tiny cuts. His mind swam with the pain, falling face first on the stones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> isa'ma'lin - His blood is my blood AKA Brother.  
> Falon - Friend  
> Telamdys ra - Damn it  
> Da'len - Child/Young person  
> Mamae - Mum/Mother  
> Sathan - Please


	3. I'm not okay with this. Any of this.

He woke up with a start as some door slammed shut. His eyes hurt trying to shield them from the sun glaring through some window. Window. _The pala?_ Fennix sat bolt upright in the bed that certainly wasn't his own, with a bed spread that wasn't his own, with clothing-  
  
"Someone dressed me!" his voice squeaked out looking at the new pile of Halla dung on him. "Oh, what in the name of everythings this etunash?"  
  
There was a soft snort on the other side of the room, "Pajama's. I got some too, I threw them right off over there."  
  
"Bah, shems and their strange fashions, I swear. You included." Fennix pointed at the boy on the other side shrugging. But, his face, there were no bruises on his face now, no blood in his hair laying on his back looking over at him. "Um, well, I don't think we said names?"  
  
"No we didn't. I'm Matty Ursa and your an elf, right. Like an actual, real, elfy elf. Like the girl that came in here too?"  
  
"Well, yes?" Fennix cocked his head frowning, swinging his legs out of the bed. His foot hit something hard, kicked it away, then sighed at the Spindleweed tumbling out the small box. "Anyway, I'm a Dalish elf. Names Fennix Lavellan. Your Ferelden?"  
  
Matty frowned as much as he was, "No. I'm British. Wheres Ferelden? Ugh, okay, okay, lemme just-" His mind did flips as the other boy sat up against the headboard, the bed spread slowly sliding down his chest to pool around his waist. His chest, oh Creators, his chest was naked right now. _Don't blush. Don't look, PALA, stop looking at it!_  
  
"Um, well, your in Ferelden, Matty. I have no idea what British is. I'm Fennix." He mentally slapped himself for that.  
  
"I know," Matty said slowly, "you just told me. Right, so, I'm in some place called Ferelden, not anywhere near Maidstone I'm guessing? Some girl came in here scaring the living shit out of me, saying Cassandra wants to talk to both of us when we wake up. Which," the other boy sighed, "is almost a week now, I hope you know. Guess I wasn't in a coma after all, and that stone ball fucked me right on up."  
  
Fennix's face fell hearing that. A week he's been out, a week he's been laying here hoping everything was a dream. Now he knows how Matty feels as he got up out of bed. The Spindleweed looked up at him all sad and droopy, he picked it up twirling it about in his fingers. "I don't remember anything that happened. I just remember running away, I think my isa'ma'lin told me to run? Pala, he's dead, my falon's dead, the group with me all of them, dead."  
  
"Sorry. I lost my dad a few-" Matty looked out the window right next to him, Fennix sat on his bed looking out of it too. "Guess I'm never gonna see my mum again, either. Fuck, she's going to be on her own back home, and I'm here, where ever here is. Ferelden, somewhere, lost at sea. Probably Hell knowing me."  
  
"Your so, well, your very strange."  
  
Matty looked back at him gob-smacked, "I'm strange? This whole things fucking strange to me! I'm scared shitless right now, because I still have no idea whats going on. At all. Not a bloody thing. Elves ain't real alright, your, well they are just some fantasy in books and shit. Magics not real either. Nothings real. Nothing. Am I even real right now?"  
  
"Certainly look real," he blushed looking away from that chest right there. And that face. And that hair and those emerald eyes- _No, stop it._ "I am an elf. I have ears, the hairless body," a soft sound came from Matty's mouth when he looked, "Magic is real. Spirits, demons, everything is real. Trust me, I thought I was dreaming most of this as well. I thought you were a dream- No, I mean, your not a dream- no thats not what I mean- your dreamy- PALA, I'm babbling again."  
  
The chuckle right next him made his eyelids open, he didn't know he closed them trying to hide the stupid blush. Hide the blush. _Yes, closing your eyes does NOT help with that._ Matty grinned wide at him, covering that wonderful chest back up again. He didn't pout, nope, he didn't. Or get all strange feelings in his stomach. He'll deny the whole thing.  
  
"You can babble all you like, Fen. Just, well, um, shit- Guess we should go find Cassandra, huh. Though, don't think I can prance around in the nude right now. So," Fennix's mouth went instantly dry gripping the bed spread hard in his hands, Spindleweed all but forgotten, "are my other clothes anywhere in here? Kinda want them back."  
  
He didn't move. He just sat there staring right at Matty, the cloth bunching up in his hands even more trying to swallow. Sweet Halla horns, he's sitting on the bed, with a naked shem boy just under the covers. _Oh, etunash, this was not happening right now._ "Er, Fen?"  
  
He jumped off the bed nearly taking the bedspread with him at that. "What? Yes, right, naked, I mean covers. No clothes. Yes, that."  
  
Fennix hopped about like a rabbit, hands going from sides to head, to face to sides again looking everywhere and no-where for clothes. The idiot he was, didn't even move from the spot because he was that flustered right now. He was about to babble again when he spots them, all neatly folded and cleaned right next to his bed with his own freshly mended armour. _Oh, thank Mythal for that._ There was also a backpack sort of thing next to them. Huh.  
  
"Is this yours?" he pointed to it, then just huffed out moving his stupid legs over to the table and grabbed the whole lot. "They mended everything it seems."  
  
"Oh, come on. Even my knee holes? Ugh."  
  
Fennix smiled handing them all over, holding the strange light blue fabric in his hands to show him. "You tell me. What are these by the way. Never seen anything like it before." He turned his back so the other boy can dress, while he does so himself in the small nook by the door he spotted.  
  
"Jeans. Denims. My favourite pair really- HAH, their fine. Good, good. I like my holes- Er, I mean, knee holes, not- great now I'm babbling."  
  
Heat erupted over his face trying to get dressed quickly, then wondered why his leggings weren't going over his feet. Fennix stared down at his legs, at the under vest he was trying to put on them. Creators, he was a mess right now righting everything, leggings on legs, vest on chest, cuirass, vambrace's- he was such a stupid mess.   
  
Two loud thuds hit the ground in the main room, the bed creaked, which just spurred him to pull on everything as fast as possible.  
  
"I, well, I gotta ask, Fen. Do all elves tattoo their faces?"  
  
That brought him up short fumbling with the strap on his foot. "Um, Dalish do to honour our gods. City elves I think they just tattoo whatever. I have Vallaslin, blood writing. A, um, a bit different then- Yes, I suppose. Shem- sorry, humans tattoo and- I- Creators, why won't my mouth stop this etunash!" He leaned his back on the wall there and tried again, "Not all elves do it. I was a bit young when I was given my Vallaslin. Mine is Dirthamen."  
  
"I dunno who that is, but its pretty." The voice in the doorway made him jump as the other boy stood there looking over his face. "So, why doesn't that bald elf have one then? And what kinda gods? Shit, sorry. Um, can we go?"  
  
He nodded dumbly pushing away from the wall, braced himself for the bracing cold and missed the door knob entirely trying to grab it. Fennix shook his head and tried again, stupid, stupid, stupid- Matty gasped right behind him as the door swung open, "Holy fucking Jesus. Who are all those people!"  
  
He almost slammed the door shut there were so many out there. Why the pala were there so many people standing right outside their door? Why were they looking at them both standing there like a couple of frightened Halla calf's! **WHY ARE THEY CLAPPING AND SMILING AT THEM BOTH!** _Oh, creators, Mahannon I need you right now. I really really do._ Fennix bumped his back against Matty's chest, "I think I want to go back to sleep," he muttered.  
  
"Me too," Matty whispered back at him, "A bit freaked out right now."  
  
A helmeted head peaked around the door and chuckled at them both. The man waved his hand at the crowd of people getting louder and louder for them both to come out. "My Lords," the man laughed out, "I think they want to see the Herald of Andraste and The Makers Chosen. Wouldn't keep them waiting any more, they've been getting restless these past few days."  
  
"Oh for pala's sake! Come on," he grabbed the other boys hand putting the shock to one side, and dragged him through the mad throng of people. The helmed man followed closely behind the pair of them, the crowd went silent as they walked through them slowly. And sure enough -much to his chagrin- mutters of Herald and Chosen come from awed faces. First, they wanted to kill him and Matty, now they were getting on bended knee for them both? Can his life get any more _WORSE_ right now?  
  
Fennix also realised he held Matty's hand in his, the Marked hand at that walking up to the building they were held prisoner in. He, was actually holding, the other boys hand, in his, right now, like, right there holding his hand. Halla tails, he didn't want to let go of it at all. Even when they hear shouting up ahead of them both. He squeezed that hand slightly before letting go for the door right there, pushed it wide open to the people standing on the other side.  
  
"Chain them. I want them sent to-"  
  
" **GET. OUT!** How many more times do I need to tell you-"  
  
"You dare? Chain them right now! Your treading a fine line, all of you are." This man, this man he saw when he ran past to catch Matty up a week prior, who's face was bright red and shouting at the people on the other side of this table, wanted to chain them both again? _Sathan, no._  
  
The one he remembers being called Cullen, slammed his fist on the table, pointing with the other one to the people by the doors and the bulky armoured man behind them. "Get him out of here. You were warned Roderick, you have no say here any more. And you three, your off duty once he's clear of Haven. Thank you."  
  
He ignored what was happening to look at Matty. He was sullen, looking anywhere but anyone right now. Eyes downcast, body tense and leaning away, he also saw he held that backpack in his other hand tight. Really tight. His knuckles were going white with how hard he was holding it, shaking. Fennix went to put his hand on him, but dropped it at the last moment looking away himself now. Looking over the map on the table, brass and wood figures dotted over it, over Ferelden and the Free Marches. _Home._ A home where he may never see again.  
  
He slipped his eyes shut realising Matty must be feeling the same thing right now. He had no idea where he was, if any of this was real, nothing. A deep swell of sadness went through his core side-eyeing the other boy, who was still leaning away from him, from them all, against the wall right there. The swell grew looking back over the map again, over where they were, where the Temple once sat, where is isa'ma'lin and his falon were in ashes.  
  
"-ou alright?"  
  
Fennix startled, "What?"  
  
"I asked if your alright? Neither of you look very well right now. Is it the Mark, is it troubling you?"  
  
He smiled weakly at Cassandra's concerned face, "Its fine. Just telamdys tired thats all. So, well, why are we here?"

* * *

  
Matty tuned everything out, he tuned absolutely everything out tracing his eyes over the stone in the wall. Over the dips and scratches, the way the light caught it, the way the shadows created patterns against it. He just didn't recognise the map at all, where it was, nothing. The clothing everyone wore, felt like it was the first time seeing it all again. The armour, the rags on some, the churchy stuff on others. Nothing he's ever seen before.  
  
But the map, the map had place names he's never heard before either. He saw no signs of a telephone (only had a pound on him, he hopes) anywhere to call mum, no TV's, no radios, no cables running anywhere. Just, candles, and swords and shields and people talking, cheering them- This felt like a massive joke right now. All of it did. Fucking hell, where in the world was he, even though Fen already fucking said where. He just had no idea.  
  
Elves. Magic. Trials. Chains. Swords. Weird green glowing bullshit everywhere -Tears slowly went down his face, pushing his face further into the stones- No phones, no police, no mum, no home, nothing. _Oh god, oh fucking god, what have I done now?_  
  
A wet choked sob passed his lips gripping the only thing he had from home hard in his hand. That very same wet choked sob forced all the people in the room to look at him. He lets loose another one wanting to crawl into the stone wall well away from them all. Even Fen, he wanted to get away from the other boy even though he wanted him right here, right now. Matty choked back another sob sliding across the stoned surface for the door.  
  
Run. Thats all he can think off again. Just run away, find a way home, find mum, brush all this off from Stef's dad beating on him. His friend calling him names. Go to a different school for next year, yeah, he can do that. Mum would agree. Collage maybe, he is sixteen next month, right? Yeah, he can do that. He needs to get away-  
  
"Matty?"  
  
More tears ran down his face edging out the door. Then turned tail and ran. He ran past the church people, he ran past more elves -still not real- he ran past the dwarf who he doesn't even remember his name. He ran down steps through a gate, he ran past people wielding more swords, he ran past trees and a small house and more gates and snow and more trees and rams and weird little pink things. His mind span and span and span remembering everything that happened. Feeling it hit his face like the very first hit he got from Stefan. It hit him hard still running and running and running.  
  
He just didn't care where he ran too. As long as it was towards-  
  
"Oh god," he sputtered falling flat on his face, "Oh my fucking god," thankfully it was soft snow, "Oh my god. Oh sweet fucking hell. Oh god mum, I'm sorry." His backpack skidded down some slope right there, but Matty was too busy sobbing hard into the soft pack of snow, his whole body shuddering hard with it. Cold too. He was shuddering from how bloody cold it was. Crying in the fucking snow.  
  
Memories flooded him. From telling his best fucking friend in the world he was gay, telling Stef he fell in love with him the year before. The look on his face, oh god that look on his face, so much like his abusive bastard of a dads face. The hate. The hate and disgust and rage -Puke rose up in the back of his throat hard, he tried choking it back down the more he cried- The kids in school all knowing. The name calling, Stef's dad, the notes, that stupid stone ball in that shop, the pain, oh god the PAIN! The green hazy dream-  
  
Matty curled up into a ball as much as his stupid rugby player body could, hands gripping the back of his head hard choking on puke on tears on memories on everything. Was this his punishment for being gay? Was it? Loosing everything being thrust into the jaws of hell? Is this what he got for coming out to his best damn friend? _**WAS IT!**_ Was it- He tugged his hair hard trying to curl up even more, cold bit at him, his stomach clenched hard trying oh so hard not to let that puke go everywhere.  
  
Everything crashed like a tidal wave in his head, seeing everything that happened. It wasn't a dream, it wasn't some coma, it wasn't some anything. It was real. All of it... was not real. Everything going on right now, is real, _not real_. And he can't go home. "Mum," tumbled out of his sob choked mouth, "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."  
  
"Damn kid, there you are! Maferaths ass," that was the dwarfs voice panting up to him, he curled himself up as tight as he could again. "Phew, okay, this old man can't run that fast any more."  
  
Matty didn't want to talk right now. He didn't want to do anything curled up like a kitten in the freezing bloody cold snow. A soft thwump went over him, then next to him, then the dwarf talked again.  
  
"Don't think we actually introduced ourselves properly. Varric Tethras, rogue, storyteller and occasionally," there was a deep chuckle that wasn't the dwarfs, "unwanted tag-a-long. Well, not right now. Though with the Seeker-"  
  
"Varric, don't think he wants to listen to your bullshit right now."  
  
"Dammit," there was a soft thud, a laugh, a boof sound in the distance. "Why we friends again? No, don't answer that. AS, I was saying- Never got your name, kid. Know the other kids Fennix, though, think the Elf would have a few words on that being almost like his. Wouldn't ya say, Waffles."  
  
"Waffles? I thought I was Chuckles! Makers breath," the other voice was deep, deep and soothing and had a slight Brit sounding side to it when he peaked between his arms. "Why are we talking about Fenris right now? Isn't he and Anders doing- What the fuck _ARE_ they doing? Still can't wrap my head round that load of druffalo crap."  
  
Matty peaked even more at the two of them there, letting the hair he held tight in his hands go looking them both over. And what bloody good was it putting a blanket over him, while he was laying in the fucking snow!  
  
"Your asking me? Surprised the dwarf outta me with that shit too. Eh," Varric shrugged, the other man was rolling his eyes up at the dwarf, "their out the way doing who knows what, who knows where, with you know who. Anyway, hey there kid."  
  
The two of them smiled at him, Matty frowned at them both- then pulled the cover over his head. "Leave me alone." He really, really, really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, he didn't want to even see anyone right now. And the cold under his stupid teenaged body, went right through him flinging the cover back off, climbed on-top, then wrapped it around himself again like an egg-roll.  
  
"See, told you. Anyway, his names Matty Ursa, heard that through the door. I'm Liam Hawke, this dwarfs long suffering best friend for the past squiggle years. Shit," this Liam snorted out loud, "I'm supposed to be in hiding from Cassandra, she doesn't know I'm here right now. Sort of want it that way for just a bit longer. Oh, and Cullen too, and Leliana, and the rest of them. And why did you change my name from Chuckles to Waffles?"  
  
"Er, because of Solas. He's a riot a minute kinda guy, Hawke. Anyway, shush," Matty frowned even more at them both swatting hands at each other like a couple of kids. "So, Matty huh. Ursa, ain't that Tevene or something for bear? Dammit, knew I should of listened to the Elf more on that shit. Matty ' _The Bear_ ' Ursa, heh, yeah, kinda suits you, kid."  
  
Thats started him off crying again pulling the cover over his head more. Thats exactly what everyone called dad, and now- now- now him? Oh god, why won't they go away and leave him alone in his hell forsaken misery. Something wet touched his cheek, he brushed it away the more he sobbed into his chest. It touched his ear instead huffing in it, then whined, then licked his ear startling the shit out of him.   
  
What greeted him when he looked, was this massive thing of a dog with a pound of ham hanging out of its mouth. It cocked its head, then licked a wide stripe up his face.  
  
"Rooster, really? Makers bloody breath, you daft old git, get over here."  
  
"What the-" he muttered at the massive, waddling, a bit overweight thing of a dog trying to sit on the man with bright red hair and blue eyes. _THAT_ was not a dog, _THAT_ was a miniature bloody pony. "Yuk," Matty grimaced wiping the slobber away, "Thats- ugh- Why did you come after me?"  
  
"Bear, kinda had too. Running away from shit? Trust me, doesn't help anything right now. I know, I know," Varric put his hand up, nodding his head, "you've gone through some shit already, runnings probably all you know right now. And you being this, what did they call him?"  
  
"The Makers Chosen."  
  
The dwarf rolled his eyes nudging the other beast of a man, "Step up from Champion, huh. The other ones the Herald of Andraste. Maferaths ass, what a load of nugshit. Look, Bear, you ain't alone right now, alright. Hawke here went through a shit tonne too, he came out somewhat alright in the end. We all did, we all went through some shit for six years together. Not everyone made it, not everyone stayed, and everyone hounded him for years afterwards for what someone else did."  
  
"Seven, Varric. Went through seven years of bullshit. Losing my brother, loosing mother, loosing- You know," Liam thinned his mouth, "I did often wonder why I just didn't up and leave when I got all that money. Not like Kirkwall, besides you my trusty dwarf, gave anything back to me. My sisters out there with those- With- fuck, she's still out there with the rebel mages somewhere."  
  
"I, don't understand?" Matty surprised he actually spoke again, actually said something at all right now, which surprised the other two and the miniature pony as well. "Sorry, I, um, well, I lost my dad a few years ago, he- everyone, they all called him Bear too. Rugby player an all. I just- I know- I'm never going to see my mum again, am I. I'm never going home, never seeing England again either. I'm, I'm stuck here with nothing."  
  
Fresh tears rolled down his face, stupid tears, he thought he cried them all out again. He pulled the blanket around his frame as he sat up, "All because of- All because I tried to- because of- Why me? I never asked for this!"  
  
"No-one ever does, Matty. I know I never did, defending some city that took everything from me? No-one asks for something put on them. _No-one._ Hey, least you got me and Varric on your and Fennix's side. Accounts for something, right? Oh yeah," Liam cocked his head, "I was the guard right outside your door by the way, held the rabbling mass away from you two. So, sort of want to keep, well, hiding as that for now. Want to help when I can and find my sister lost out there too."  
  
Matty looked down at the glowing thing in his hand, not just his hand any more, up his arm to his elbow. It shimmered and thrummed with a bit of pain, he prodded it looking at it even more. His skimmed his eyes up at them both, to the miniature pony and its pound of ham panting happily. Bottom lip was chewed on shifting on his backside, trying to decide on what to do. His misery still flooded him, his mind still span _real not real is real can't be real_ , his stomach hurt from-  
  
So he sighed out loud looking up at the weird swirly shit in the sky, "Think I want something to eat, I'm starving. And drink. Not alcohol though, I'm only fifteen."

* * *

  
The place smelt like beer and whiskey, like cheap perfume and dog etunash sitting there with them all. He wanted Matty back, no-one knew where he ran off too and that was hours ago now. He felt so alone sitting there with these people looking at him, whispering behind hands watching everything he does. It made his skin crawl really.  
  
Everything did. More so when he learned that both he and Matty needed to go out there and fix everything. Why them? Why did it have to be the two of them doing this? They can do it, he's a hunter, not some shems stupid Herald thing. Creators, he felt so alone. And small. And-  
  
"Fen," -there goes his heart jumping out from his chest, as much as he jumped out the chair at Matty's sad sounding voice right there. "I, um, I needed to be alone. Which ended up not being alone."  
  
"He means me," Varric grinned, "Found him half way up the mountain back there. Bear, sit down, gonna get some dinner for you both."  
  
Bear? Fennix shook his head looking the other boy over making sure he was alright, no cuts, no scrapes no- He smiled instead at him, "Glad your alright, Matty."  
  
And there was that swirl of pink on his face again slumping down on the chair next to him, which he couldn't sit down fast enough to join too. Mythal be praised, he was truly glad Matty was fine, even though his emerald eyes were tinged red from crying. He put his hand out, he put it on-top of the other boys that rested on the table top squeezing those fingers, which earned him a soft gasp and a very small smile back. _That smile, he needed to do that more_. Did strange things to him, it did. Made his brain melt, made him babble like a fish, which he was doing right now in his head again.  
  
"Why did he call you bear?"  
  
"Ursa, means bear in latin. Was my dads nickname too, guess its mine now as well. Redundant, but it is what it bloody is. Fennix is a fox, right?"  
  
He nodded, Matty smiled again cheeks tinging slightly more pink. He tried not to blush himself too hard when he looked at it.  
  
"Can I call you Fen, or, well, Fox or Kit or- Shit, I'm well-" the pink on Matty's face deepened in colour the more he babbled too, "I'll shut up now."  
  
"You can call me what ever you like. I don't mind, as long as its not the stupid shems Herald load of Halla etunash."  
  
The other one can literally call him anything, anything he wants and he means it squeezing that hand tight in his again. Fennix bit the corner of his lip, the warmth like he had before unspooled from his chest right down to his groin, it unspooled like nothing before holding Matty's hand as an assurance right now. Not just for him. For them both.   
  
And to ground him before he snapped at the people around them murmuring over the pair holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Etunash - Shit  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Telamdys - Damn  
> Sathan - Please  
> Isa'ma'lin - His blood is my blood/Brother  
> Falon - Friend  
> Shem/Shemlen- Quick child/Human


	4. No Shirt, No Shoes... No shit!

"Oh, but-" Matty looked over all the cloth laid out, the leathers, the- _what the fuck was half this shit anyway?_ "So, theres no such thing as denim here?"  
  
"No there's not, I'm afraid. Perhaps when you have new clothing, we can find something similar? Or even study the pair you have on to do something like them."  
  
Well that... Bugger it all. He'll have to pick something, seeing as everyone was insisting he wear something other his favourite jeans. All this really wasn't exactly fair at all. None of it was. "Fine," he gave up when Josephine sighed quietly beside him, "the brown leather then. I dunno what the rest of it is! Cotton, you have cotton here? Those two then. No weird stuff, plain and simple. Thanks."  
  
He turned tail and stomped away out of her office, grinding his teeth into dust over everything. Oh, theres another thing, being made to train on how to use a weapon, he refused the first four times Cassandra pushed a sword in his hands. Or, well, he dropped it on the snow then went back to the cabin thing. Then sitting there in a huff because this whole thing so far, was still bullshit. All of it was. _Not real._  
  
Which is where he's heading right now. Two days to wait for new clothes, then going out to save a place thats not even his own home. _Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit_. Scuffs of snow got kicked up, along with a stone that pinged some tent. Varric waved at him from around his campfire, then the dwarf literally skipped off past the pub right there. No doubt to meet in secret with Hawke, which, in all honesty, was dumb even now. He **WAS** the largest guard around as is!  
  
He pushed the cabins door open feeling the warmth welcome him, forgetting to knock the snow from his boots as he trudged on in-  
  
His mouth fell open wide at Fen standing there in nothing but his trousers, bare back facing him stretching his arms over his head. Matty swallowed sharply, his eyes tracing down that tattooed back right there to the way it bunched and twisted, to the tattoos gracing over his shoulder down his sides and -oh god, oh my god- they went down under his trousers too. He wanted to say something right now instead of standing there like some lemon.  
  
But, _oh my god_ , he couldn't take his eyes off the way he moved at all. A soft sound escapes his traitorous mouth when Fen bends over -fingers dug hard into his thighs to try and ground himself- breathing getting panting and shallow standing there. He needs to back peddle out the cabin quietly, he needs to-  
  
"Creators! I didn't- You- Um, I need- I didn't hear you come in." "Shit, sorry- I- I just- I didn't mean to stare! Or say nothing."  
  
Both of them were babbling over the other not doing a damn thing at all. Two idiots standing there blushing deep crimson, just, staring at each other. Matty wanted the earth to swallow him when he turned about face, buried his face between his hands, breathed in deeply to push ALLLL that way. Then made his way out the cabin like nothing happened. Nothing at all. _Nope. Not a thing. Yup, that did not just happen._  
  
He hoped on everything he didn't, well- He skimmed his eyes quickly down to the front of his pants. Oh thank god. He didn't need **THAT** right now going back into the Chantry. And look at that, it didn't burst into flames with him being so flustered over- over-  
  
"Matty, come back to the cabin."  
  
"I'm good. I'm, um, fine. Isn't that fascinating." He had absolutely no idea what he was looking at right now, he really didn't. Just as long as its not Fen standing there right next to him. "The architecture is just-"  
  
"Your staring at a banner holder, Matty. Its not that interesting at all. I," the other boy stepped right in-front of him, his dark as night hair all mussed up -Oh how he wanted to reach out and- "You didn't need to go, you know. I know I babble, a lot, too much and we've only know each other- well we hardly know each other- I mean these past two weeks known, but still-"  
  
The heat on his face spread right on out through him. He put his hand over that rambling mouth to shut Fen up for now. And they were going to be saving this place? Oh, everyones so screwed right now. Them included. Them, meaning these two going back to staring at each other, the breath on his palm felt short and scorching almost. Matty slowly lowered his hand out the way, "Sorry," he mumbled, then smiled tilting his head, "I'm getting new clothes."  
  
"Oh. Really? But, pala, I like those jean things. Does that mean we're going to the Hinterlands soon?"  
  
Matty's smile dropped, "Yeah. Cassandra still wants me to learn how to fight. They all bloody do. I don't want to, I really don't."  
  
"I know you don't want to, but you will have too. If no to swords or daggers, why not a stave?"  
  
_Huh, a stave like Little John from Robin Hood?_ That, "Thats actually a really cool idea. I won't be killing anyone, but-"  
  
"-you can defend yourself. I can teach you if you want. I mean- Thats _IF_ you want me to- I-" Fen was getting flustered again. Matty tugged on his arm to leave this place to go down to the Blacksmith. He did see stave's there, maybe they can pick one out together. Like a couple would. _Stop it right now!_  
  
Maybe he should just say it out loud what he is. If theres even a name for it here? Maybe? Didn't Hawke say Fenris and Anders were together, so being gay seems to okay. Right? No, no, he needed to stop this, he needed to push all that stuff away. Fen's probably not going to be interested in him. Or boys. Maybe if he was an elf he would? AND- now he's rambling inside his head again.  
  
The fuck happened to him? He never used to be like this. No he didn't. Fen stopped them both right by the Blacksmith, but never pulled away from him still holding his arm. _Oh. Shit_. Dammit, where was he? Oh yeah. He never used to be like that, only since coming here he's been this mess of a teenaged person thing. God, he was never this flustered with Stef either, even with him coming out. Mum knew, she knew years ago before he even did.  
  
_Was it that obvious?_  
  
Matty looked down at himself, over his body, his build, his height. It wasn't, was it? Even he knows his voice is a nice tenor just like dads was. But how did mum know, when everyone else didn't. He'll have to go ask her-  
  
"Shit," he bit his lip to the fact, he never will again. He thought he got over this, "Fen, I, I need to go."  
  
"Why? We just-"  
  
The other lad looked over his face, Matty felt guilty over again because Fen lost his isa'ma'lin and falon (Brother and friend he found out) at that Temple place. "Sorry. I just, its fine." God, it wasn't fine for either of them. But Fen, he just downcast his eyes slipping out of his grasp then went back to talking to the Blacksmith. Guess he saw the look on his face. What the hell was he going to do with everything, his life, his emotions, this stupid weird thing thats going on right now?  
  
He needed someone to talk to about it all.

* * *

  
"Your kidding right? Thats what all this is about, Matty." Why was he not surprised Hawke would say that at all, even Varric rolled his eyes up at him in their usual spot to talk. "Fenris and Anders much to our complete surprise, announced to everyone right when things went tits up, they were going at it like rabbits for years."  
  
Matty's jaw literally fell open at that. He looked between the both of them like he just got told, 'God was real'. "So, you lot actually don't give a crap if someones gay? At all?"  
  
"Bear, no-one cares one way or another. Trust me on that, kid," the dwarf strummed the lute on his lap, a small quirk played on the corner of his lips, "You do know me and Hawke are kinda together, right?"  
  
He fell off the tree stump that served as a seat. They were both laughing when he righted himself, going back to looking at them both in shock. _But, what- thats- they-_ He did a double, then a triple take at them both. "Your together, together?"  
  
"Not, in that way Matty. I'm not interested in sex and neither is Varric. Why we work so well as a team. No tension, no fuss, no muss, just two people who share the same bed who cuddle, occasionally kiss, without anything to wedge in-between them. Well," Liam nudged the bloody great pony dog, "except for Rooster."  
  
_Wow, that was just-_ He's heard of people like that, but information without having a computer or access to certain things, he never believed it in the least. But thats not who he was looking down at himself again. He knows full well what he is, has done for the past three years but never done anything about it. And the moment he does? He goes and fucks everything up so bad. Matty furrowed his brow looking over his hands, over the green that etched his right forearm. Fen's was only his hand, he wondered why. Ugh...  
  
"So, theres all kinda people here too, then? I thought- Actually, I had no idea what I bloody thought to be honest."  
  
"Yeah there is, Bear. There was this queen of a prostitute back in Kirkwall, she was part of my network. Most of our band of misfits were all sorts. But yes, theres all kinds here."  
  
Huh, that actually made him feel a little better. Varric strummed the lute more, sweet sounding cords drifted up into the cold air soothing him down. And then- then- _then_ Liam started to sing softly along with it. His singing voice a very light tenor, drifted up in time with the cords, the two intermingled like nothing he's ever heard before. God, it was so fucking beautiful, it filled him with peace listening to them both in awe, his eyes slipping closed letting it wash over him like a caress.  
  
He sighed when they went from one song, to another, then another sitting out in-between the trees. The smile on his face widened when they finally finished. He clapped. He clapped loudly at them both, "I see what you mean now. You two match like bookends."  
  
"HAH, thats what Merrill said! And thanks."  
  
There was a swirl of red over the bulky mans face, resting his bright red head on the dwarfs sandy blond, who was just grinning wide showing his gold capped tooth off at him. Then it was his turn to heat up in the cheeks at a certain voice behind them, which the bloody fucking dwarf saw. His grin spilt even more nudging Hawke to move. Rooster waddled away slowly, boofing at them to hurry up.  
  
"There you are. Oh." Fen's eyes go huge looking Liam over, then to Varric under the larger mans arm getting carried away, "Who the pala was that with him?"  
  
Should he tell? Matty shrugged when the other lad sat next to him. "That was Liam Hawke," a loud gasp and full body turn made him laugh, "I guess you know who that is. I don't, still don't, but he's been keeping people away from us. And in hiding from Cassandra and that lot. So, don't tell anyone, yeah."  
  
"Creators, how long has **HE** been here?"  
  
"Since Varric's been here. Er, a week longer then us I think. You having a bloody moment right now?" He couldn't help laughing even more at Fen, practically vibrating in his seat right there. Fingers twitching on his trousers, then coat, then hair, then looked back at him with the biggest smile he's ever seen on anyone. Matty's heart stuttered looking into those storm cloud colour eyes, which just matched his hair completely.  
  
"I am now." Oh, what the- Did Fen just... Did he just purr like a bloody cat! "I mean, I was, am, is, etunash- I mean, I am." There it was again still looking at him. A deep rumble of a purr that came from-  
  
"What was that!" he blurted, slamming a hand over his mouth because he's such a nimrod around Fen. "Sorry."  
  
"What was what? Oh-" The purring stopped, but the blush that swirled over slightly pale skin, god fucking dammit, why did it make him feel all weird inside. "Um, you didn't hear that. At all. Its just- Mythal, give me strength. Elves purr when their extremely happy. Like cats." The part was said out so low, he almost had to strain to hear it. "Its, well, its part of who we are."  
  
That, that was the most adorable thing he's ever heard, or seen, or even witnessed right now. Elves fucking purr like cats, had much more beautiful ears then cats, but, shit, the purring -He wanted to feel that rumble under his fingers if Fen does it again- it made him feel even more weird inside. "Wow." And thats all his brain can come up with right now. Maybe all his blood really did go somewhere it shouldn't sitting there.  
  
Crossing his legs to find out. Nope it didn't. Thank bloody god.  
  
"Matty, what did you, well, need to talk to them about, when you can talk to me you know. If you want to that is. Not like we haven't been talking, or anything, this past few and- Matty, whatever it is, its fine."  
  
His stupid mouth blurted again, "I'm gay." His hair encompassed his face when he hid it, shame was about to creep in waiting for that hit like he got from Stef. He was waiting for it, he really fucking was.  
  
"Is that all? Creators," Fen sighed tilting his head up. Oh god, he was touching his chin right now. _Oh god. Oh my fucking god, don't stop, please_. "Is that why your ashamed? Nothing to be ashamed of. Matty," he leaned in close to his face, warm breath skimmed over his skin looking deep into his eyes, searching them, "so am I. Mahannon, he liked both sexes, my falon, he liked girls. But not me. I, well, I like boys." And there was the purr again.  
  
Sweet fucking Jesus, he felt himself sway closer to Fen. Drawn to his presence like nothing before. _So close. Oh so very very close_. That warm breath still skimming over his skin mere inches away. He could so easily lean forward a fraction and kiss him right now. Matty's breath shallowed out, because those fingers were still there keeping his head from bowing down. _Fifteen, he's fifteen, Fen's sixteen, just another month, just-_  
  
"Your beautiful."  
  
**THAT** sent him over the edge, like, right over edge when he fell off the stump like an idiot. _Oh god. Oh my fucking god. Did he just SAY that right now?_ What was even happening right now with all this. "Fen, I," he panted out a few breaths to calm himself down, "I've not, well, I don't know what to make of this right now, okay. The last person-" Shit. His eyes screwed up, planting both hands over his face at the memories. _Not real, not real-_  
  
"He hit me when I told him I fell in love with him. Stef told everyone in school, it was hell. All of it was hell. He told his arsehole dad, who beat me something stupid. It, it took me a year to pluck up and tell him. And now I'm here because of it all."  
  
His hands were taken from his face, but his eyes were still screwed up tight when his loose hair was brushed away. Those long fingers, oh those long fingers touched his face gently, which started him off. He choked back a quiet sob parting those lids, seeing Fen's face right there with worry written over it kneeing right next to him. "I was utterly rejected by a boy I truly liked. It hurt like an arrow piercing me. It hurt and the Keeper, he told me to grow from that rejection. But how can you, how can you just grow and move on from it when you wanted- Matty, what happened to you, creators, I'm so sorry."  
  
"So am I." Those tears rolled down his temples looking away. "I've never even kissed anyone yet. I'm not old enough for- I'm- a month yes, but- I have no idea when being here."  
  
"You _ARE_ old enough for somethings, Matty. You really are beautiful for a shem. I could write poetry just about your eyes alone."  
  
Matty lets out a very strange sound from his mouth. A sound he's never even heard before, which startled the pair of them right there. Which stopped Fen from purring it was that... strange. Which, well, started him off giggling, both of them off giggling because of it. "That," he snorted hard, "was the sappiest shit I've ever bloody heard! Oh my fucking god, poetry about my eyes. I just- I can't even- FEN! THAT WAS SAPPY! And my mouth, what was even that for fucks sake!"  
  
"So? I could, if I didn't babble like some fish. Pala, come on," he was pulled up off the ground by the other lad still giggling, "And don't ask me. Etunash, I thought you swallowed a rat for dinner. Poor thing trying to climb back out, squeaking for help."  
  
"Thats- thats just not right, you know. A rat? I don't bloody like rats! Cats, and puppies, and- I'll shut up now."

* * *

  
They both looked over the map together in the warroom place. Tracing fingers over the route they'd be taking through the Hinterlands, to some Crossroads. To meet some Mother something or other, talk about whatever it was that lot wanted them to talk about. Fen scowled moving the strange figures around over its surface, putting one over some place called Markham, then another over Kirkwall.  
  
The rest found their places on the floor when he pushed them all off.  
  
"The fuck was that for?"  
  
"I can't believe they want us to do this. US of all people. Halla horns, this is so stupid."  
  
Matty shrugged looking over one of the wooden figures he retrieved from the floor. He huffed a breath out through his nose, looking over the map again, "No shit. I don't know squat about doing something like this. Don't exactly teach you in normal school military stuff. Army, a given. Navy, sure. Airforce... ugh, flyboys the whole lot."  
  
"A what now? Creators, never mind. So, we need to follow this several miles, then-" he trailed off resting both hands on the table, bowing his head. This wasn't fair on the both of them at all. None of this was. "I'm a hunter, not a warrior. I have no idea what I'm doing with this either. Mahannon, he would. My falon, well, he would curse Mythal, then fling fireballs everywhere."  
  
Dark blond head rested on his bicep, Matty's face looking over his when he tilted his own to see. Green eyes flicked over his face, soft smile played on that mouth there which then snorted, "That lake looks like a rabbit if you squint."  
  
What? Fen quirked a dark brow at him looking to where Matty pointed. To lake Calenhad. His cocked his head leaning forward more on the map, and look at that, the other one was right. It _DID_ look like a rabbit. A deep rumble of a chuckle came up from the bottom his chest, fisting his hands on the map at the absurdity of the entire thing. It escapes his mouth in a very loud guff of air, which started the other one off laughing as well.  
  
Oh, this poor Inquisition. This poor, poor deluded Inquisition was so not prepared for having two teenagers righting wrongs. It really wasn't at all. They were laughing so hard, they didn't hear Leliana behind them come in through the door. She watched them both lean on the other, slapping the table, then crumple on the floor in a heap. She deftly walked in the room, the thing Matty wanted was left on the table. Then walked right on out with a smile over her mouth, closing the door behind her from peeping eyes.  
  
"Did you hear something?"  
  
Fen wiped the tears from his eyes, "No? Etunash, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time." He beamed a very sunny smile at Matty tangled up in his limbs trying to extract an arm, then gave up. "We should get back to telamdys work."  
  
Matty blew a raspberry out, "No. We'll wing it. Fuck 'em if we get lost. I have been thinking though- which is dangerous in itself, I hope you know- maybe we should bring Hawke with us? You think he would even agree with it?"  
  
"Pala, yes! He wants to find his sister, he gets to come with too."  
  
They untangled their limbs helping the other off the floor, then Matty frowned at the thing on the table. _OH, a calender!_ He grinned wide looking over the dates and names, then dropped the grin trying to figure everything out. Twelve months, yes, but each month was thirty days? And those months had names he had no idea too either. No, thats a lie, theres August and theres his birthday right there.  
  
Where was Christmas, or Easter, or even Valentines day?  
  
Fen looked over his shoulder, running his own fingers down the list, "We're on second of Bloomingtide, my birthing day is on the twenty-sixth of Haring. Whens yours, well, on your own calender?"  
  
"August the tenth. Thats a few months away. Kinda thought as bloody much, you know. Calenders a bit different then one I know. Have to say," Matty shrugged pushing it away, "each month having the same amount kinda fucking works. Still a bit weird though, last day of school was July for me, but this, uh, its three months behind."  
  
"Does it matter?"  
  
He shrugged again hopping up on the ledge, "Not really. It does, but doesn't. But does? Just one more thing to wrap my head around. Still think I'm gonna wake up any moment, I really do. None of this still seems real."  
  
Fen hummed under his breath, leaned next to him fingering one of the figure over its shape. He was about to open his mouth when the door opened, a bald head peaked around it then came in with them both righting themselves. Solas looked them both over, then again nodding his head clasping hands behind his back.  
  
"We have not had much chance to talk. I know things are... stressful for you both. And with being-" the older man dipped his eyes down briefly, then back up at them, "With having so much fear in the air, I'm not surprised you have found solace with each other."  
  
"Hahren, if I can even you that, why do you not have Vallaslin?"  
  
Solas chuckled softly, "Because I'm not Dalish, nor am I city elf. I am a nomad, a wanderer in these lands. I have no need for blood writing, for why would I worship gods that don't- Why did you choose Dirthamen, Da'len?"  
  
"I am **NOT** a Da'len! I chose him because he is of knowledge, of secrets and ravens. My isa'ma'lin had June, my falon had Sylaise and wore them proudly. As do I."  
  
The older elf put his hand up to stop him, then gazed over to Matty. His head cocked looking him over more intently, which sort of weirded Matty out a little bit hopping back up on the table away a bit more. Then the elf looked over his right arm, eyes squinted tracing from hand to elbow, then up to his eyes. "You told Cassandra you touched a ball made from stone. Can you describe to me what it looked like?"  
  
Er- Matty's mind almost blanks trying not to remember that moment, but his mouth blurts, "It had weird squiggles on it. Why?"  
  
"Anything else? Did it hum? What was around it? Was there-"  
  
"LOOK! I wasn't exactly in the best fucking place to look the damn thing over, alright. Was either pick that up to defend myself, or I got beaten up even more. Red velvet, it sat in red bloody velvet. Thats _ALL_ I remember."  
  
Solas hummed looking him over again, "I see. I'm not here to cause more distress, but I just wish to know why there was such a thing where you are... well, where you are from, Matty. Do you dream?"  
  
"What?" Puzzlement went right on through him that. "Of course I dream, why wouldn't I? Kinda questions that. The fuck you want?"  
  
"I think you should leave us be, Solas. We have work to do. Oh, look, Hello Varric, care to _HELP_ us?" Fen glared right at the older elf, the dwarf nodded ushering him out before closing the door. "Creators, he gives me the Halla taken creeps. He really does."  
  
"Seems I came at the right time then. Bear, Ruffles got your clothes ready and waiting in the cabin. Hawke wants to sodding well come when we go. So," Varric battered his eyelashes, "Can he. Pretty please. It'll be a hoot with the Seeker wondering why he's following."  
  
The two teens looked at each other, then laughed a "Yes!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahren - Elder  
> Da'len - Child  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> Isa'ma'lin - Brother  
> Falon - Friend  
> Telamdys - Damn


	5. Underground, Overground, Murdering Free.

Fennix kept close to the other boy, exceptionally close when Solas eyed them both again. Even Hawke kept close to them, glaring from behind his helm at the bald headed elf, warning him to back the fuck off. But still, he kept very close to Matty walking along this Imperial Highway to the Hinterlands, pala, it was taking forever to get there. They've camped three times and they were still a day away now.  
  
He felt eyes on the back of his head again and snapped.  
  
"Diana min etunash, hahren. How many more times do we need to tell you!"  
  
A soft gasp come from behind them, scuffed feet, then a deep chuckle told him he thinks Solas got the linast idea right now. Matty quirked his dark blond eyebrow at him, then looked over his shoulder, then rolled his eyes back at him shifting the stave on his back. Neither of them said anything catching Cassandra charging up ahead to the next camp, dusk was slowly setting in, the twinkles of the brighter stars above them making themselves known. The smell of rain on the horizon caught his nose.  
  
"I don't think we'll be going anywhere else tonight," he muttered, "I think we'll all be tent bound, and mud to contend with in the morning."  
  
Matty nudged his arm, "You a weatherman now? I mean, nothing wrong with a bit of mud and rain, right? England was- well- is like that a lot. I mean- never mind."  
  
His brow furrowed at that. Some of the things the other boy said sounded so foreign to him, and the reverse was true as well. But weatherman though? That was a new one watching the older woman flap her arms about something or other, at no-one in particular before storming off into a tent. Adults, he swears, always so... strange half the time. Always doing weird things to themselves, to others, to-  
  
"Fen?"  
  
Huh? Oh. "Sorry, lost in my own mind for a moment."  
  
"Can see that. Fucks got her knickers in a twist?" Matty thumbed to Cassandra's tent, where sounds of scoffing, muttering and the occasional scrapings were coming from. "I know, well, I know she didn't like, um, me going for a stave. But- I mean, DAMMIT whats happening to me right now!"  
  
He couldn't help the grin that went on his face, pushing on Matty's back for what will be their tent as normal. Sharing, as normal. Huh, he hated sharing back with the Clan, everyone knew he _HATED_ sharing his sleeping space with someone. Anyone. Even his brother and falon, who slept in the same space, knew he didn't. But with Matty, creators, it felt right, and normal, and everything. Something he just can't even express out loud without babbling too.  
  
Etunash, he even hated sharing his bed after- even after that.  
  
Rooster barged in with them making himself at home as normal. No doubt Hawke telling the portly mabari to keep watch when the first spats on rain hit the canvas. But his eyes, his eyes never left the other boys when he unstrapped that stave and backpack, laying them down reverently as always, flopping down on the furs and covers slipping those strange boots off. Feels like the first time he's seen Matty, even with his new clothes, those dark brown soft leather pants Josephine had made for him, the dark green over shirt and the slightly off white under vest.  
  
Every time, felt like the first time. Its was getting stupid at the point and he knew it. Fennix slipped off his feet binds, hopping around on one foot doing so at the same time trying to take his chainmaille vambrace and grieves off. He promptly fell on his backside tangled up in his own armour.  
  
"You having another moment there?" Matty tugged on his feet binds taking them off as proper for him while he himself, took his vambrace's off roughly dropping them carelessly behind him.  
  
Fennix puckered his mouth up, "Yes, I am. I- well, I'm not- I mean, I'm such a mess around you, its- Pala, why is this taking so long to un-do?"  
  
Both of them stare at each other as normal when they both start this babbling nonsense. This- this- whatever this is going on. He knows what he said to Matty the week prior, he's no idiot on THAT. But this? This- "Whats going on with me too. I- I never used to be like this either! When I wanted- I mean, if I wanted something, someone, I went after them. But this-" Fennix thinned his puckering mouth kicking out of his grieves, "This is ridiculous!"  
  
The other boy gave him a very strange look, his emerald eyes to him looked as pained as he felt with everything. Then those eyes downcast as the rain got heavier above them, he put the feet binds to one side taking hold of his own boots in his hands. Which shook gripping them tight. They shook hard when Matty put them back on, then before Fennix could do anything he was out the tent in a flash. Literally, a flash of lightening went over head when he ran out, the first crack of thunder rumble echoed out.  
  
His heart sank. It sank putting his hands over his face, sucking in very deep breaths to calm this stupid Halla etunash down. Besides his heart sinking to the depths, it hammered as hard as the rain now falling from the nights sky. Why. Why. _WHY_ was this so much harder then anything else? He just didn't know whether it was because of the Mark, being thrusted into something he never wanted. Or was it because of Matty? He knows what he said.  
  
But was it far too soon? Pala, he had no idea flopping on his back, hands still covering his face from everything right now. Rooster huffed near him. Even the mabari thinks this is utter etunash.  
  
"This is not helping." Fennix muttered mostly to himself sitting back up. "He's going to get cold, and wet, and he's out there on his own. Wet. And its raining. And- _PALA!_ " He flung up off the furs making his way out the tent with nothing over his feet. Another flash and the gentle roll of thunder over head, trying to see where Matty went. Candle light flickered in the rest of the tents, the campfire all but out from under the empty cooking pot. Soft whispers from the dwarf and Hawke caught his ear when he tread on past quietly.  
  
"Say, you noticed how those two kinda look like Blondie and the Elf. But, in reverse sort of? Like kid versions of them."  
  
His ears twitched hearing that then the reply. "Yeah I did. Cept Fennix is way taller then Fenris, paler skin and eyes. Matty's hair and shit? Kinda reminds me of a younger tanned Anders, if the bloody idiot didn't half starve himself for the clinic."  
  
"Sodding weird if you ask me. Still think we need to keep Chantry arseholes away from 'em both. And anyone else wanting to, well, take advantage of kids."  
  
Fennix scowled at the canvas wall, willing them to stop talking about Matty and himself. He can take care of himself, always has done. He can take care of the other boy too, telamdys what everyone else thinks. Hawke sighed out loud, a ruffle, then another sigh, "What I'm thinking too. If and when we find Bethy, she's coming back with us. She will, well, mother them to death knowing her. Makers breath, has it really been over two years since I've seen her?"  
  
He didn't want to hear any more walking away in a huff. The rain started to pelt down even more, the dirt squelched between his toes still trying to find Matty. Where can he be out in this? He has no idea where anything is, nothing. Fennix's heart sank again looking about, hair sticking to his scalp rain water trickling down his face, panic was slowly going though him. Did he scare him off? Did he?  
  
He can't of run too far, right? No, no, Matty can run pretty fast. He could be anywhere.  
  
Fennix leaned against some tree as hail just fell like stones onto the ever turning dirt to mud. Rain pelted down just as hard when he shivered from the cold. Leaves getting knocked off branches, flowers loosing their petals getting scattered everywhere. Was sad watching it all. Not like he's never been in heavy rain before, never watched how nature can be so destructive, but telamdys this was sad even for him.  
  
"Ow. Ow. God bloody DAMMIT OW! Christ, that HURTS!"  
  
 _Matty!_ He looked about himself, then nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the figure bounding over to him absolutely soaked. Who stopped in-front of him looking just as etunash as he was.  
  
"Why did you run?"  
  
The other boy flinched looking away saying nothing as more thunder rang out. He put his hand out to him to reassurance as normal, Matty looked back sharply then into his face, bottom lip quivering from the cold, or something else? "You didn't need to run, Matty. What ever I said, I'm sorry."  
  
"No, no it wasn't- You said- I just needed- I'm trying to figure this shit out. I, well, I just don't get this right now." He waved a hand between them to prove the point. "Fuck, shit, I won't lie, your, well, your gorgeous, Fen. Alright. I feel like a right nimrod around you its so stupid. And-"  
  
Matty looked away again, then stepped back. He went to step back again, but Fennix, he took his hand to stop him from running. "Sathan." He quietly begged. "Just, say it. I'm not going to hurt you. I wouldn't hurt you, if thats what you think."  
  
The soft sound from the others boy mouth, was almost drowned out in the storm. But he heard it. He heard it stepping closer. Matty was shaking in his grasp he realised, then let him go if he did want to flee again. Proving the point he's free to go, he leaned back on the tree as submission.  
  
"Fen." Matty sighed looking up at him through his damp lashes, dark blond hair slipping out from the tie it was that wet, sticking to his cheeks when he spoke again. "I honestly don't know what to fucking think. I'm scared, alright. It, bloody hell, it took me a year to tell him, and then you, its like no time at all. I, I just don't get it. Nothing."  
  
Oh. Oh. It hit him hard like the hail. "You feel rushed. Creators, is that it?"  
  
Matty shrugged going back to downcasting his eyes from him. He feels like etunash right now. He really really does.  
  
"I'm not even old enough for half the shit yet. I mean I did things for me. And then you- you saying I'm- Saying you've- What have you done?"  
  
And theres the Halla kick right there. Fennix screwed his face right on up at that, "Not here. Its cold, wet and- not here." He should of known Matty would of picked up on that, he really should of done. Pushing away from the tree, Fennix motioned with his head back towards camp, then mad dashed it back to their tent. Rain soaked through his entire vestments, seeping under everything he had on. Matty was no better off falling in through the tent flaps, wrinkling his face right on up with how sopping he was right now.  
  
He turned his back taking everything off, composing himself to talk. Two thuds hit the floor behind him, the heavy sound of wet clothes getting tugged off just made his traitorous heart pound hard in his chest again. _Now or never_ , he supposes.  
  
"I've had a few lovers since I turned my thirteenth year. All were fleeting, but I am no whore. I, well, I've had enough to know what I enjoy and give to others. But I stayed with none of them."  
  
Silence welcomed him from behind wringing his under vest in his hands. He bit his lip hard before continuing. "The boy I really liked, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He, he flat out rejected me favouring a woman instead. It hurt. It hurt more then anything seeing him with someone older and a woman. I stopped- I stopped caring after that. I stopped everything because of that. I never wanted anything afterwards from anyone. And then-"  
  
"-then I came along. Fen-"  
  
He shook his head, "Let me finish, sathan. Yes, you came along. It felt like a gut punch really. How easy it was to, well, to look at you and feel all over again. It was only a few months after everything that happened. And- and I feel guilty for it."  
  
More silence around the tent when he bowed his own head in shame, dropping almost everything near where his head would rest. If Mythal swooped down right now asking to take his being, pala, he would of accepted _THAT_ more then the silence engulfing around him. Silence, idiotic to think that with the storm right outside washing everything out. He also realised Rooster wasn't in their tent as he skimmed his eyes over everything. _Telamdys, why wasn't Matty saying anything right now?_  
  
A very, very quiet sigh finally broke everything as well as a body hitting the furs. "Oh. So, you weren't joking about all that then. Writing poetry about my eyes and shit. And the, this, whatever this is, after a bloody- I mean, your experienced." He frowned at that. Sounded forced and angry when he looked. Matty was playing with the straps on his backpack thing, up, then down, up then down, up- "Fucking hell. Okay, right, just, right."  
  
"Matty?"  
  
"Its fine."  
  
"Matty, its not fine. You keep telamdys well flapping that, that THING about. What were you expecting me to say? I- Me I mean- I'm not ashamed of _ANY_ of that."  
  
The other boy stopped what he was doing, glanced up at him once, then buried himself -in still wet clothing- under the furs and covers. He just stood there like a telamdys idiot with his mouth wide open, blinking like an owl because- because thats what he's apparently gotten like ever since the stupid rejection and Matty. Fennix just dropped backwards onto his bed, then did the same under his own covers. What did Matty think he was going to say? What did he think was going on?  
  
What was any of this even?

* * *

  
The mud wore them down trudging through it. Well partly. They managed to hitch a ride on the back of some wagon heading to Redcliffe apparently, more then happy to let them all get on; for a small fee that was. Cassandra flipped her lid, then paid the smirking old dwarf.  
  
But Matty, shit, his mind was a dozen places at once looking over the country side. Rain still trickled down, no-where as bad as the day previous. Matched his mood completely really; sour, dour and down right moody. Fucking, stupid, teenaged, bullshit emotions. And he was cold and still wet because he forgot to hang everything up. What happened to him, he was always so particular with his clothes, caring for them. He felt like a bloody slob huffing out white puffy breaths.  
  
No, he needed to snap out of this, he really did. But fuck, was it hard too right now. Plaster a happy face on, and everyone thinks your fine. Even a moody face, everyone thinks your fine like pie. But he really wasn't clutching his backpack against his chest, stave over his lap bumping the wide wild west wagon of a thing. God, his mood soured even more looking over the trees going by, over the flowers -ones that looked like mums favourites too- His heart broke again inside him trying to look anywhere but anything right now.  
  
"Bear, you alright there kid?"  
  
He didn't jump at Varric's voice he was feeling that numb again. Matty just shrugged trying to smile, "Yeah. Fresh air. Yippee."  
  
The dwarf looked dubious, "Uh huh. So, whats so damn important you gotta lug that thing around for all the time?" He pointed to his backpack.  
  
 _Oh, no, not now Matty. Not right now, keep it in_. A shuddering gasping breath got sucked in, curling his fingers around it even more, "Nothing. Its, its nothing. Don't want to leave it behind thats all." He had to turn he head when he felt the burn in his eyes again. Sour, dour mood turned into worse practically panting out wet soggy choked breaths. The stinging in his eyes got worse willing his body to stop it right now. Willing everything to just stop, so he can get off and-  
  
His eyes caught something when he opened them, a bleary shape yes, but it was right there in the bushes quietly whining. Matty shook his head, wiping the tears away then looked again. A small shape _WAS_ tucked under the bush getting further away. The stave dropped from his lap jumping from the back of the wagon, hooking his backpack over his shoulder bolting to where the shape and whining was.  
  
Cassandra's loud scoff echoed right up to him even from here, but he couldn't care less skidding to a stop. Holy shit, holy god damn fucking shit, there was a little puppy curled up under this prickly thing of a bush. Small, bony, a little bit bloody puppy right there whining up at him.  
  
"Oh, hell. Your so small," he gasped tentatively putting his hand out to it, "its alright." Matty smiled when the puppy nosed his fingers, tried to crawl out then yelped pretty loudly. The sound, fuck, the sound went right through him reaching through the prickles for it, gently wrapping his hands around its small body and scooped it out slowly. Blood trickles down between his fingers, the puppies back leg slipped out, just, hanging there.  
  
Matty grimaced slipping his backpack off, "What happened to-" Then he spots what else was behind the puppy. He retched at the other puppies there in worst state then this one. And two bigger ones behind them, blooded, cut wide open across their stomach's with nothing inside them. "Oh my god. Oh my fucking god, why?"  
  
"Bear, the sod- Oh shit. Oh sodding shit!"  
  
Hawke dropped to his knees right by him, looking the small puppy over, then the ones in the bushes. He spat out in disgust, "Blood magic. Shit, even now I'll never get used to that filth."  
  
"Maferaths ass, are you serious? Okay, okay," he didn't see what was going on, because he was far too occupied laying the puppy down on his backpack. The little grey puppy nosing his fingers again, who's back leg was stuck out in an impossible angle, who's face and snout coated in little nicks and cuts. Who made Matty's eyes leak tears again looking at Hawke, pained.  
  
"Please tell me we don't have to kill him. _Please_."  
  
"Sweet Maker, no. Dammit, those bastards are going to PAY for this. They all are." Hawke roughly took of his helm, bright red hair tumbling in a mass of curls growling through his teeth up at Cassandra, "Blood mages. Fucking blood mages killed them all. We have a serious problem on ours hands!"  
  
"Champion? Is that- No, your right. We'll discuss this later why your here now. But this," even Cassandra paled looking away, "this butchery was done recently if that one is still barely alive. Matty, well done. I know it is not the time for congratulations, but you may of just saved peoples lives with this. Sharp eyes and quick thinking, may of just saved a _LOT_ of lives."  
  
He didn't know what to think right now, his mind spinning like a coin. All he saw was dead dogs, not fucking congratulations or whatever. Blood mages? The fuck was that shit now? Ugh, no, he needed to move the puppy out of the drizzle to somewhere warm and dry and away from all this god damn shit. Just like him. Because he's shaking like a leaf when he stood up, shaking and numb and pained and about to throw up when he spots more tucked up behind some rocks.  
  
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"  
  
"Holy Maker and his bride. Theres," Cassandra carefully guided him away from the mass slaughter of animals right there. The stench getting washed away from the rain, the blood soaked deep into the earth covering up what people had done. "THERES MORE!" her voice rose in octaves looking back down the road they just traveled. And not just animals when he finally pukes everywhere, near missing the puppy looking at him. "This, we need the Inquisition scouts here RIGHT NOW! The Crossroads, sweet Maker, this leads to the Crossroads directly! All those- Matty- Matty look at me."  
  
He was trying to, he really god damn was panting back down more puke. But his eyes trailed to the copses all around him, humans, animals, elves, all laying there tucked up behind everything. His entire body shook from fear, from more shock, and the cold, the cramps, the puppy in his arms. Everything. Matty's mind swam badly, bottom lip quivered being forced to look at someone.  
  
A someone with eyes the colour of the clouds above right now.  
  
"Matty, I'm here. Don't look, okay, don't look. Walk with me, look at me, don't look. Focus on my face, or chest or something, anything right now." Fennix's voice broke trying to focus on him too. Storm cloud eyes welling up with tears walking backwards to the wagon still waiting there, the old dwarf no longer up front, running down the road well away from whats right there. God he wishes he could right now _(not real, not real, not real)_ if he wasn't so-  
  
"We- we need to go right now. Both of us, the puppy too, we need to go right now. They- all of them- they can deal with this. I- I can't. Matty, keep looking at me. Sathan, just, keep looking at me."  
  
His mind swam again stumbling in his steps. Legs felt like lead weights, body like jelly, arms drooping along with his head. Shaking, so much shaking right now trying to focus his eyes on Fen's face, the tattoos, the colour of them. How deep blue they were against his paler skin. But his mind swam almost collapsing against the other lad, legs almost giving way right where the wagon was.  
  
"Hold on, just, hold on- Oh pala. OH PALA NO! **MATTY GET ON NOW!** " Fen screamed clambering on the thing, trying to haul his useless body right now onto it. More shouts rang out behind him, Hawke yelling at them to just go, take Rooster well away from here right now. The smell of copper and iron hit his nose, the sickly sweet smell he smelt from the Temple permeated it as well pushing the backpack and puppy as far away as he could.   
  
Fennix going up front to the -he had no idea right now, he didn't fucking care- reigns forcing them to go.  
  
" **GO. NOW. BOTH OF YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE!** "  
  
Rooster grabbed the back of his sodden shirt, pulling him further up the wood as fighting erupted behind them. The smell, oh god the smell, the sounds, the nightmarish sounds from things he didn't want to look at right now. No, he didn't, curling up into a ball around the puppy, Rooster sitting guard with Fen now up front. Matty panted out hard against the puppy, stones and rocks jostling them the harder Fen cracks the reigns.  
  
"Etunash, we're heading right to the Crossroads! Pala, telamdys, etunash, pala, we need to go off road. Hold tight, Matty. Just- sathan- hold on."  
  
Fire went over their heads, he screamed as more came closer catching the back on fire, then petered out from the drizzle. Heat ghosted over his face next to him, his voice broke screaming even louder at the thing trying to grab him. Matty scooted to the other side of the wagon, kicking out with his boot at the things black fiery eyes crackling at him. The wagon dipped then nearly rolled over going off road.  
  
But the fiery thing held on tight, burning through the wood with him still trying to kick it off. "Don't!" Rooster flew at it, all teeth and slobbering snarls grabbing on to the arm that nearly grabbed his leg. _Oh my god, oh my god_ , "Rooster, no." He whimpered when the dog got flung away like a rag doll, the sickening thud on the ground, the loud yelp, then nothing. The fire thing roared out hauling itself up the side, reaching out for his legs again.  
  
The wagon tilted dangerously to one side barely holding up on two wheels. Then kiltered over right on-top of the fire thing, Matty and the puppy falling almost on-top of it as it snarled in anger. They both tumbled back down the slope Fen was trying to go up, his head cracked hard on something, dazing him still holding the puppy and backpack in his arms. Wet trickled down his temple, down his chin trying to lift his head. It swam too much.   
  
Everything swam too much.  
  
"NO! Get away from him. **GET AWAY FROM HIM DEMON!** "  
  
He wished he could see, if stars didn't go over his eyes, if everything wasn't do bloody hazy right now. He tried to keep his eyes open, but shit did they hurt too right now. His limbs felt useless, everything felt useless laying there. He should be running, or riding away, or looking after the hurt puppy. But he was in far too much pain blearily blinking up at the grey clouds, the drizzle still falling down on him laying there.  
  
He thinks theres a shadow falling over him. He thinks? He thinks someones touching him, but he can't be too sure. Was someone talking? His mind was too fuzzy to understand it...

* * *

  
"Don't die, sathan. Sathan, don't die on me. Oh creators, stay awake. Just stay awake! Matty, sathan!"  
  
Fennix panicked, fingers fumbled trying to get the healing salves out of his pocket. Nothing but broken glass when he hissed, jabbing fingers over the ragged edges. "Matty, stay with me, don't leave me, sathan." Tears ran down his face looking about himself for something anything to help, Elfroot, an unbroken bottle, anything. He needs Solas, he needs a telamdys healer right now looking over Matty and the puppy again.  
  
"Sathan," bottom lip quivered gently brushing that hair out of his face, out of the wound over his eye and temple. It was his fault, oh creators it was his fault trying to get the Rage demon off the wagon. It was his fault Matty's hurt bad. "I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me alone, sathan, Matty."  
  
The demon was in ashes nearside them both, the wagon broken, burnt and soaked slowly sliding down the slope. Fennix choked looking back down the dirt road, where no-one was coming. Where the others were either fighting or dead. And he was alone with no idea how to deal with this at all. The puppy whined trying to move, its back leg even more mangled then before- he broke down into a gibbering mess that he did this.  
  
The rain no longer fell, no longer washing away his tears, no longer washing away the blood on Matty's pale face. That beautiful face. That face. That-  
  
"Hold on, I'm coming!" A voice he didn't know called up to him from the down the slope. He growled through his tears and teeth at the person standing there, physically wrapping around Matty like a shield. No-one else will touch him as **LONG** as he lives. Even if this was his fault, he won't allow **ANYONE** to touch either of them. Fennix pointed his short sword at the man down there, two now as another came running up wielding a massive sword.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, calm down. I'm here to help, alright. I'm a healer see," the man from under the hood put his hand out. Blue and green swirled around in it, showing him the truth. "I can help. I know your scared, but trust me alright."  
  
"Venhedis, theres more down the road. I'll scout."  
  
"Don't get killed, huh. I'll be mighty put out, love."  
  
"Amatus- Just go help them."  
  
The smaller figure ran off, the other one put both is hands out carefully treading up the slope. Fennix growled low through his teeth the closer he got, still pointing his weapon at them. Help, he's heard **THAT** one before curling around Matty and the puppy even more. The hooded man knelt a distance away slipping something from his back, a staff was lain down next to him, then a fat orange tabby cat came tumbling out from behind him yowling in disgust.   
  
Fennix blinked a few times at the cat, then to the man pulling the hood away.  
  
His mouth fell open looking at him, then down to Matty, then back up. "Pala, you- are you- you look- they were right if your who I _think_ you are."  
  
"Er what- sorry? Pounce, enough. I know its wet but he needs- OH, is that a puppy too?"  
  
He nodded his head mutely, then skimmed his eyes down the road as the smaller one came back carrying Rooster in their arms. Either he was delusional right now, but he swore there was a pale white glow from the smaller elf's tattoos. And pure white hair. And emerald green eyes. Fennix blinked all that away uncurling from Matty.  
  
"Makers bloody breath, is that- Is that Rooster? Hawkes here! Fenris, wheres Hawke?"  
  
"I do not know. I found him slightly singed around the edges with a broken paw, Anders. But he's fine- Fasta Vass, he looks almost like you!"  
  
"And that one looks like you a bit. Okay, okay, healing, yes. Sorry, yes, healing. I'm Anders, thats Fenris, and you are?"  
  
"Fennix Lavellan, thats Matty Ursa. Hawke, Varric-" there was a soft gasp from both man and elf, "-and the others are- Creators, there were so many- We had to- I did this- He can't die, sathan."  
  
They both nod, the white haired elf carefully laid the ever panting happily Rooster down. He felt a wave of something go over him, he felt it go through Matty too when he looked down. The wound on his head slowly mending as he watched, the small nicks and cuts over the puppy vanishing. But not its back leg. He cringed at the thought the poor thing was going to loose it.  
  
"Fennix, hmm. Rather like my name, young man. After the fox no doubt. Dalish too. Accent says Free Marches, yes?"  
  
"Love, leave him alone. Kinda freaked out Matty there looks like my younger brother. Or me. Kinda looks like a younger, shorter me. Andraste's tits, I bet Varric's had a field day with _THAT_ shit."  
  
"My apologise," this Fenris smiled softly at him, "we're a bit wound up after coming through the Crossroads with the amount of- I hope you were not heading that direction. Its, well, its in pieces right now with the-" The other elf's eyes go wide looking down at his hand, then to Matty's arm. "Venhedis, your the- Amatus- I think we should leave, right now."  
  
"I already know. Justice oh so helpfully informed me, by moaning like a wanton whore in my head. Besides," Anders quirked his eyebrow, "I think they can use the help. Especially if Hawke and Varric are here too."  
  
"Amatus, their the Herald and the Chosen. Inquisition! We cannot stay here if thats the case."  
  
Fennix couldn't care less if they stayed or went, he was more focused on Matty blinking up at him with a frown over his face. Both his lips quivered cupping his face gently, brushing the dark blond hair out the way with his thumbs. "Your alive. You didn't leave me alone." A wet smile went over his face, whispering to him again, "Ir abelas ar nuem ma."  
  
"Mmmmmmm. Head feels like crap, Fen. What happened? Ow, alright, everything feels like crap. THE PUPPY!"  
  
He had to still the other boy from sitting upright, "Their fine, Matty. Your fine. Oh creators, I thought I lost you. I- I- did this, I hurt you. I'm so sorry. Ir abelas. I tried- it almost-"  
  
Matty put a shaking hand over his mouth to stop the babbling. He smiled behind it taking hold of the other one, squeezing those fingers tight. "One thing before you start again. Who's that? And why does that one look like my dad? Why am I on the ground? Okay, that was more then one thing, but- uh, whys there a bloody great orange cat in my face too?"  
  
"Thats Ser Pounce-A-Lot, my old fat, moth eaten cat. Introductions again. Alright- Theres Bethy, thank the bloody Maker. **BETH UP HERE! YOUR BROTHERS DOWN THE WAY A BIT WITH VARRIC!** "  
  
So much was happening at once, Fennix just ignored it again helping Matty to sit up. The other boy wrinkled his nose up touching the blood on his face, then wiped it on his ripped and torn shirt. The orange tabby cat crawled in Matty's lap, head butting his chin when he looked down, then the puppy trying to lick the cat to death. Rooster boofed spotting a group running up to them, he sighed out loud in relief all of them were alright too.  
  
The dark auburn haired woman squealed running down to meet them halfway. But he, he skimmed his eyes back to the other boy, who was looking up at him through his lashes-  
  
His mind popped when lips touched against his briefly, almost missing the moment entirely when Matty shuddered sitting back against the rock. Fennix sat heavily on his backside staring wide eyed at him, mouth trying to work itself to say something, anything right now. All that came out... was a gasp of air.  
  
"Herald, Chosen, oh thank the Maker your both alright. And... Anders? Sweet Maker, anyone else going to show up now?" Cassandra whined down at them all, "No, later. Crossroads, we need to get to the Crossroads."  
  
"Its gone. Theres hardly anyone there when we left. And yes I'm Anders, thats Fenris, and the red haired one climbing on Hawke, is his sister Bethany. Sooooo." Anders narrowed his eyes up at the woman sitting next to him now, looking over Matty, the cat, the puppy in his lap, "A Seeker, huh."  
  
"Ugh, we do not have time for unpleasantries right now. If what you say is true? Then Mother Giselle might be dead. We had scouts that way, we had scouts further up the road also. Blood mages, do either of you know where they came from?"  
  
"No we do not, woman! You will not put either on us on trial, if that is what you are thinking! We did not expect to find such," Fenris screwed his whole face up, flapping his hand about everywhere, "destruction everywhere. The bodies, the mass murdering from filth. We came to help them and got faced with- with all that."  
  
"Found Bethany fighting as best she could against them all. Andraste's arse, I know the rebel mages needed help. But that? Thats going too far even for me. Saw Templars trying to help too, fat lot of good that did when half of them were addled getting culled."  
  
Matty gripped the hand he forgot in his, tugging on it slightly to get his attention. "You know what their on about? I've got no fucking clue right now. I don't wanna go and see it, but-"the other boy chewed on his lip, then licked away the sting, "but I think we should go find out. And sort the puppers back leg too."  
  
He couldn't agree more right now. Even if his stomach churned over the whole idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations -   
> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> Sathan - Please  
> Diana min etunash, hahren - Stop this shit, elder.  
> linast - - Bloody  
> Telamdys - Damn  
> Ir abelas - I am sorry  
> Ir abelas ar nuem ma - I am sorry I hurt you
> 
> Venhedis - Tevene form of Elvish (fenedhis) - Wolf Penis.  
> Amatus - Tevene form of enderment.  
> Fasta Vass - Tevene Swear of some kind.


	6. Outside looking in.

"Holy fucking hell," Matty put his hand over his mouth at the rotten stench, the bodies littering this place. Looked like someone dropped a bomb right there with the amount of- He didn't want to think about it holding the puppy close to his chest. Fen spat on the ground in disgust next to him, then promptly buried his head right on his shoulder shuddering. Yeah, this was a _BAD_ idea -another of his finest right now- coming here to see.  
  
The older guy that sort of looked liked dad, shook his head standing in-front of them both to shield it. As if **THATS** going to help what he saw already.  
  
"And I helped start this shit years ago? Me, the circles all rising up, the break-away. Fuck this nugcrap. Hawke, I'm going to take these two well away from here. I think we've seen enough, don't you."  
  
"Yeah, good idea. Bugger it, this is BAD, worse then bloody Kirkwall. But Makers breath man, its good to see you again, you filled out quite nicely, Anders."  
  
Matty huffed out, nudging Fen still trying to burrow on his shoulder. "Hey. You having a moment there?"  
  
"No," the muffled voice whined, "reminds me too much of-" Fen extracted his head away from him, "Come on, lets just go." He got swept up by the two of them, moving well away from all this- this- bullshit that still didn't seem real. He needed to wash his face, burn his clothes, scrub everything well away from him right now. The puppy whined, he agreed. "Anders, can you do something with his leg?"  
  
"I can. But she -thats a she by the way- she will be a three legged little terror. Who's so cute and adorable and Pounce really likes her."  
  
God, was weird hearing him talk. All he can see is dad in his head, which was upsetting him really bad right now. Its not the mans fault he looked like a taller, freckled skinned version of his dad, but shit- it was hurting him really bad. And then there was Fenris, fucking hell, the other elf was like a shorter white haired version of Fen. Nothing was real again. Nothing was.

_Nothing-_  
  
He was beginning to doubt his entire existence right now going into some, hut thing? He had no idea. He didn't care. He wasn't real, this wasn't real again. He's not real. He's still dreaming, in a coma, floating on the edge of everything looking at nothing, feeling everything. Matty's not supposed to feel like this, no, he's not. Disjointed. Yeah, thats it. Disjointed.  
  
"Matty, can I have the puppy?"  
  
He startled at the voice right there, almost dropping the poor skinny thing on the ground. Matty just stares at Anders, his mind not understanding what the fucks going on at all. He backs away for the door, then stops trying to make everything work again. Inside self screaming at him. And screaming. And screami-  
  
"Matty?"  
  
"Your not my dad!" he snapped, then crumples on the wooden wall panting. "Oh my fucking god, your not my dad. I don't- I don't know whats real. Jesus, oh god, I don't understand whats happening right now."  
  
Long fingers cupped his face pulling him away from the wall. They cupped his face forcing him to sit on some chair, the puppy gently taken from his hand. But those fingers brushed down his face, brushing away the wet that rolled down them he didn't know he had. Matty was shaking, choking, unable to breathe trying to make sense of everything again. He was so outside himself, he didn't think he can ever find a way back into him.  
  
Too much, all of this, was too much for him. If he ran, there was no-where for him to go, if he stayed, he would loose more of himself he just knew it. There was no escaping anything, nothing, everything, he was stuck here. _Not real is real is not real was real-_  
  
The fingers brushing his tear soaked face, wrapped around his shoulders instead. His head, rested on the chest right there the more he choked, the more he tried to bring himself back.  
  
"I'm here," murmured in his ear, "I'm here, Matty. I'm not leaving you, don't leave me either. Sathan."  
  
He choked even more at that. He knows that same voice whispered in his ear half in, half out of consciousness too. The words buzzed around his head, much like his hand, much like flies, plucking at him calling him. Matty's hand found their way around the waist there, gripping on the back of the armour, sobbing hard onto the chest right there. _Bring me back,_ his mind was screaming, _bring me back, oh god please bring me back._  
  
More hands rested on him. Something shimmered through his body, felt like mint and feathers going through him. They pushed harder on his back. The feeling steadily growing pulling him back from the blink of snapping completely. Soft murmurs in his ear soothing him down.  
  
"He is unwell. These people should not of forced either of you into this position. Anders believes," the voice behind him was rumbling like a storm, deep, reverberating, "you both need time to recuperate. I agree with him. This is unjust."  
  
More somethings went through him, his arm hummed along with it. It hummed without pain. Without the hurtful feelings go through it like before. It also did something strange when it glowed bright green, which startled the living shit out of him even behind his closed eyes. "The pala was that? Who are you?" he heard Fen ask in awe.  
  
"Forgive me, I am Justice, you both had fade pieces in your bodies. His is more different then yours, weaker, but it has spread more. Unfortunately I cannot extract it, but I can heal the distress it is causing you both. His more so. But not here. We should go back to your stronghold before attempting this."  
  
"But, the rifts? Will we be able to close them?"  
  
"Yes. His is attracted to yours like anything from the fade. The more you would use it though, the more the distress it would cause you both. Anders has the small animal to deal with. We will meet again soon."  
  
Matty wondered what the fuck that was all about. He wondered a lot of things when the hands were removed from his back, but not from around his shoulders. Opening his eyes finally, he looked up at Fen looking down at him. Red rimmed those grey eyes, red blotches over his cheeks- he was probably no better right now furrowing his brow.  
  
"I don't know what the fade is," his voice sounded as small as he felt right now. "I don't know hardly anything. Nothing."  
  
Fen smiled softly, brushing more loose hair away from his face, "Then we'll teach you. All of us, alright. But think I should clean you up a bit. Pala, I must look a mess too, right?"  
  
"No. No you don't." His cheeks heated up searching Fen's eyes, "You always look fine." Self, brought back to himself. Not quite all of self, but enough to know right now. Enough to know, he's kinda, sorta, fallen for Fen. Who, he figures, kinda, sorta, fell for him too. Who was also trying to untangle from him to clean him up. He let Fen go reluctantly, turning his gaze over to Anders dealing with the small puppy. Little fizzles of blue, then green, then gold came from his fingers. _Magic, right, yeah, thats more magic._  
  
Shit he's not ever going to get used to, no matter what anyone said right now. Maybe, eventually, in the distance future he would. But not right now looking away.  
  
"Sorry for shouting at you," Matty apologised up at Anders, "You do almost look like my dad."  
  
"Its fine. You do sort of look like how I used to when I was younger. Look like my brother too. All you need are some gold piercings, a longer nose, then **BAM!** " Anders grinned over his shoulder, "Could mistake us for relatives!"  
  
"Did you just seriously go, BAM! Ugh, I'm in fifteen year old adult nightmare right now."  
  
The other blond guffed, "Could be worse. Could be an adult trying to be younger. Or you could be Hawke. Yeah, don't ask. Anyway young man, your puppy is, well, besides one leg missing, she's fine. Hungry, but fine and needs a name fitting for her station."  
  
The first thing that came to his mind. Ugh, he wanted to slap his outer body self with it. "Tripod. Tripod the wonder puppers."  
  
"OH! I like that, Matty. Can I adopt you?"  
  
" _What?_ NO! Can you? I mean- NO! Just give me my bloody dog."

* * *

  
Going back to Haven was going to take longer when they received a message to go find some, horsemaster. Horses. **HORSES!** Ruddy great things with stomping hooves, snorting noses and eyes that seem to judge him when he backed off. Everyone else made it look easy. Even Varric sitting on-top of- whatever the fuck it was. What was it? A thing that looked like those weird little pink things back in Haven, but giant, and had horns. Matty wasn't impressed in the least.  
  
Cassandra had managed to find several scouts that weren't dead, ordering them to find where these so called blood mages came from. To find these Templars too. Give aide where they can seeing as the Crossroads were completely destroyed.  
  
They did find Mother Giselle though, right here where the horsemaster, in tears and ripped robes. But she was safe, and thankful, and welcomed the two teens with open arms. But still, Matty could see in her eyes she was scared shitless, just like him. Not of them no, god no, she was scared shitless of the mages -sick sadistic blood mages he reminded himself- she even told them she wasn't before all that happened. She welcomed mages, that it was the hubris of man that bought hurt and pain. But, god, she was scared about what happened at the Crossroads, then again, so was everyone else.  
  
Scouts patched her up, then took her to Haven for sanctuary. The horse huffed in his face again at his trepidation, his damn fear going through him looking up at it. Freaking him out a bit more then normal really. They closed one of those green crystal things again, bloody hurt like hell once more for him. He hated it. He hated everything. He hated seeing more dead bodies scattered everywhere too.  
  
His apparently so called big fucking brother Anders these past few days, raged like a typhoon about it all. Even the spirit, who he actually found out wasn't a fucking ghost when he asked, raged over 'the injustices these rebel fiends had caused **IN THEIR NAME** '. Yes, he shouted that out at the top of his lungs on some rise. Matty winced when it bounced right back in his ears when they did that. Even Tripod and the other pets yowled and howled over it.  
  
But still, his puppy was tucked up in his backpack putting his hand up at the horse. Fuck them, if they want him to ride, they can kiss his damn British arse over it. He made his way back to the camp they set up by some pond, theres something he really wanted to do and riding on a giant snorting pissed off horse wasn't it.  
  
Something he's been neglecting since being in this place of hell. Something that was the most precious thing to him -besides Tripod now, oh and Fen- tucked up in his backpack, with a few of his saved pencils. And the pound he found right at the bottom, which was now in his pocket for reasons he had idea why.  
  
Matty slumped down by the ponds edge letting the puppy tumble around in the water. So fucking cute. She really was so god damn cute. He pulled his sketch book out, flipping past the things he's drawn that caught his interest, or his mum doing something. He even drew dad from memory scrumming. That was a good day.  
  
Putting pencil to fresh page, he started to draw Tripod trying to fight some plant, her little jaw nipping at it, jumping back, then nipping at it again. He couldn't help the grin that went over his face drawing her. Then he did a small portrait of her head, the little tigery black stripes going over it. Her little green eyes blinking sleepily curled around his booted foot, leaves of the plant laying in defeat in the pond. Mabari, thats what she was, like Rooster, but so damn tiny when he gently stroked over her little head.  
  
A shadow came up behind him, then sat next to him with them resting their head on his shoulder watching him draw.  
  
"Your really good, Matty. Looks just like her."  
  
He blushed, dipping his head down side-eyeing Fen grinning toothily at him. "Thanks. Been a while, you know. Thought I do this then mount the beast that wanted to eat me."  
  
"Its a horse. Its not going to- Etunash, your still strange. What else have you done in that? Can I see? I mean, if thats alright with you."  
  
Matty thrummed the pencil on the edge of his sketch book, deciding whether to or not. He relented flipping back at the beginning. Not his first sketch nor sketch book, god no, but it was one of Stef and him grinning. His stomach bunched up looking at it, then flipped to the next page instead.  
  
"Who's that?" Fen pointed.  
  
"Thats my mum. The one next to it, is my dad. I got a few of both in here, and trees, and buildings. Cats, dogs, birds, me when I felt like it." He turned each page slowly to show him, each one got a response of awe, even a grin, then marveled at the blackbird he caught one morning outside their flat. He showed him Dover Castle, Canterbury Cathedral, Leeds Castle too. Even the place he found fascinating when dad took him when he was younger; Kit's Coty House.  
  
"Creators, wish I could see those. You've seen the ruins here, but even I don't know anything about Ferelden and its history. Matty," Fen beamed yet another toothy smile at him, "do me. I mean- draw me. Yes, that. Draw me, sathan."  
  
Another wave of heat went over his face, scooting around on his backside to face Fen right there. Who had Tripod on his lap when he sat back on his hands, head tilted up to the sky and its cool breeze. Pushing all the stupid shit to one side again, he put pencil to paper and drew the other boy. Outside self or no, he needed to do this, to ground his being, ground his soul, ground him completely shading and sketching. The light was dipping over them, but he had plenty right now, shadows may of changed but it didn't matter.  
  
His hair, his tattoos over his face and neck, the flat ridge of his nose- He couldn't get enough drawing larger details of it all. Felt like his hand wasn't his own doing it. Felt compelled to do as much as he could, filling three pages up just of Fen right there. Until the light dipped far too much for him to see.  
  
When he was done, even he was awed with how much he did. "Wow, your so easy. I mean- fuck- easy to draw I mean. Ugh, stupid bloody mouth." Matty put the sketch book to one side, but when he looked back, Fen was staring at him intently, eyes tracing over his face then down to his lips then back up to his eyes. His damn body did the weird thing again in him, right down to his stupid teenaged groin, then right on back up to his face looking away.  
  
"We should get something to eat," broke the small but almost awkward silence between them. Matty nodded his head putting everything away, Tripod slipping off Fen's lap for his backpack, she needs more food to get like bloody horse dog. He got pulled up off the ground, his body bumping Fen's when he stood swallowing looking through his lashes up at him, then tugged to move for the cooking pot. Which had everyone sitting around the fire talking. Hawke's voice, of course, was the loudest as he laughed.  
  
"-and then she said 'Its a nice night for an evening'. I don't know who was more embarrassed; Donnic, Aveline, or me having to hear it."  
  
Both of them shrugged joining everyone, Anders nudged his arm shoving a plate into it, "Eat, little brother. I got some scraps for Tri, before Pounce did his namesake on them."  
  
Matty nudged him back, Tripod grumbling nosing the food he put down for her barely coming out from his backpack. Then promptly laid her head down on it all... going back to sleep.  
  
"So it _WAS_ true. They married and have three little girls now, do they not?"  
  
"Yup. Three redheaded cuteness running about. Say, Cassandra, you think Cullen would have kittens if he saw me out of this bulk?"  
  
The older woman scoffed a laugh, "He would indeed. Maker, Leliana as well. I cannot believe you spent all that time under my nose, Hawke. A wise decision. And you two," she pointed at Anders and Fenris now, "are not like how I thought you would be. After what you two did to the Chantry, I thought you would be more abomination with the spirit. But you are not. You are a remarkable healer, Anders, and you Fenris, are a remarkable warrior. There will be no trial, I hope you realise, it would be the Herald's and the Chosen's decision on that though."  
  
"Er- yeah, it would. Not going to be any," Matty scowled at her, "Kinda want them to stay with us. Alive. So yeah, thanks. Plus, Anders adopted me. Can't have you killing my big brother now, can I."  
  
"I suppose not, Chosen. Hawke, Bethany, would you stay with us also? We could use the help now more then ever."  
  
He drowned everything else out eating his supper leaning on Anders, who snorted a 'Thanks' at him. Heh, he's always wanted a big brother, who came as a package deal with one spirit and one glowing angry elf. Who's fucking sword, he swears, is twice his small size. Who Solas also found intriguing, badgering them both with questions and ponderings and weird bullshit he cringed over from the bald headed elf.  
  
Another warm body pressed up closer to his, thighs and knees brushing, shoulders bumping getting squished between them both. "Matty," Fen whispered, "Would you walk with me after you have finished eating. I- well I want to talk to you. Alone. If possible. If not- well-"  
  
He bumped that shoulder there, "Yeah sure. Lemme just fill myself up, put Tripod in our tent, then we can talk."  
  
Actually, Matty just shoved a lump of cheese in his mouth passing the rest off to Anders, retrieving his puppy and backpack then headed to the shared tent. Stupid thought was stupid, but he needed more air, with is stupid because there was plenty around them. Fresh air that used to fill his lungs with joy back home, but here, it filled his lungs with pain. _No, not right now._ Fen wanted to talk to him about something or other. And walk. And something.  
  
Leaving Tripod and Pounce, who snuck in to snuggle around the puppy, he followed Fen away from everyone. The other lad was silent the further they walked away, hands doing their jittery hair to face to pants to hair again when he was either excited or nervous. Matty caught up on that early on from him. They were getting further away from the pond, from the campfire and the soft music from Varric. His stomach was beginning to bunch up the further they went, wanting to go back now.  
  
Fingers started to tremble, eyes scanning everywhere for trouble, for sick arseholes, for-  
  
Fen stopped by some large Oak tree, his head was bowed back kept turned away, but his fists were tight by his sides. Matty, kinda felt the same way standing behind him. Nerves, yeah, thats what this was. Nerves.  
  
"There are a couple of things I wish to say. Need to say I mean. Etunash, I have to say them."  
  
"Okay. But why here. Why not back at the campsite?"  
  
Fen sighed glancing over his shoulder at him, "For your ears only, Matty. I have dealt with blood mages before when I was smaller. They killed my mamae and babae leaving me and my isa'ma'lin to fend for ourselves. The Keeper of Clan Lavellan found us, took us in, gave us our last names. But I had nightmares for years about it. The smell, the demons, everything. Mahannon helped me get through it. But seeing the Temple and back there, it scared me.  
  
I thought I was going to be alone again when you got hurt. And I did that. I hurt you. Pala, then what you did in that hut. I see it even now in you. Your terrified, Matty. Of everything. Its, none of this is fair on either of us. At all. And-"  
  
There was another loud sigh when he turned to face him standing there. "And you running away, ignoring me when I spoke of what I did with others too. I don't understand that at all. Then you kissed me? Matty, what was that about?"  
  
"I... kissed you? When? I-" he doesn't remember that at all. "Fen, everythings too much right now. Everything. I just- I don't get whats going on, alright. I'm trying, I really am. But, I don't remember kissing you, at all. Nothing."  
  
Matty scuffed his booted feet over the ground getting closer to the other boy. Eyes downcast, hair coming loose from the pony tail, heart hammering in his chest when he stopped. "It wasn't your fault you hurt me. That fiery thing nearly got me and Tripod, Rooster could of died. I remember that. Fucking hell, I remember everything right up until that wagon thing tipped. Shit, I didn't mean to ignore you either. Just, well, kinda surprised you did that at thirteen."  
  
"Most people do. Not unusual you know. Matty," Fen stepped closer too, "if I told you something else. Are you going to run away?"  
  
He cast his eyes up, then back down shrugging.  
  
"I take that as a telamdys maybe. I never believed in the thing I'm about to say, never have done. Tall tales and fanciful thinking. I'm in love with you from the moment I saw your face, Matty. Your eyes, which I can still write creators awful poetry about. I, honestly, don't want to be apart from you, at all. Not ever. I would kill for you. You haunt my dreams, and its only been just over five weeks. Its ridiculous."  
  
Matty was dumbstruck with his mouth wide open, slowly lifting his head to the other boys. Not like he hasn't felt the same way, which was equally stupid too. He didn't think Fen meant any of it, at all, he figured, but he thought it was- Fuck he didn't know any more, he really didn't. And, he did actually feel like running back to camp to hide under his covers. But this still has to be a joke. Right? All of its a big fucking joke on his behalf.  
  
God was playing with him, just has to be. This isn't funny any more when his mouth blurted, "Don't lie."  
  
"I- I- I'm not lying Matty! Why don't you believe me? I'm telling the truth, on everything."  
  
"Stop it. Just- just stop it! Fen, just-" His mind span and span and screamed to go back to camp. It screamed this isn't real again. "I know how I feel, but this, this isn't funny. I know how I feel, I know how I _FEEL!_ I just- this- stop lying to me."  
  
"I'm not lying, Matty. Creators," fingers cupped his face forcing him to look at the very pained grey eyes, "I'm not. I wish you believed me. How can I prove I mean it. Tell me, sathan."  
  
His mouth worked before his brain could even form a simple function, "Kiss me." He it said so quietly, so small, so lost searching the tattooed face right there, mere inches away from his stupid face. His brain hiccuped when that face softened a little bit, fingers brushing down his cheeks to his neck gently, his traitorous body swaying closer to the heat pressing up against him.  
  
And- and- _and_ then it happened. Lips pressed over his slotting like some jigsaw puzzle. Sweet fucking hell, his heart hammered like a train over tracks gasping at the contact. His hands inching slowly around the waist right there to pull Fen closer. It was unfair how his brain was lost inside itself, but his body, his stupid body melted into it. Melted and puddled on the floor pushing a hair harder on those lips. What was even happening right now? What was even any of this at all? What was that pushing up against his hip too?  
  
Matty gasped realising what it was. He pulled back sharply startling them both, then had to look down to make sure he wasn't imagining that as well. Oh, fucking hell- "Your... Oh god. Oh sweet Jesus."  
  
"Its alright," Fen was purring softly touching his lips with a thumb, "Not going to bite you know."  
  
He was feeling out of his depth, trying to swim up to the surface for air. Which really wasn't happening right now, nope, it wasn't. God, its too much, its all too much letting Fen go. Why did he even say it. _Why?_ Matty panted stepping back even more. He wanted, dear bloody god did he want. Always wanted something with another. But this- "I- I have to go." His outside self forced him to flee. His inside self screamed this wasn't real again.  
  
They fought with him stumbling back to camp, clawing at him, tearing him apart. Anders caught his arm when he collapsed on the ground, almost falling right into the campfire he was so torn in half. Breathing, wasn't happening, choking trying to reach for the waters surface pulling him back down. He was drowning in everything. Inside and out shaking in Anders arms.   
  
_Too fast, too soon, too much, not enough, not real, not anything. Nothing._  
  
Words went over his ears muffled, "We have to get him back to Haven. **NOW!** "  
  
He remembers little of what happened when everyone flew around him like birds, as his mind consumed itself being torn in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sathan - Please  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> Isa'ma'lin - Brother  
> Mamae - Mum  
> Babae - Dad  
> Telamdys - Damn


	7. The darkest light is before the dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E rating earned from now on.

It hurt. Creators did it hurt watching Matty fight himself. It hurt more then anything he's ever seen. Making it back to Haven in less time then it took to get here, he never left the other boys side at all. _Mythal give me strength for this, sathan._ He doesn't want to loose Matty at all with whatever is consuming him. He just didn't understand what was doing this. At all. No he didn't. Even more so being banished because he was fretting too much.  
  
He didn't know what to do. So he sat in the warroom on his own. He sat there looking over the map with work needed to be done all over it. All of it. Everything. It landed on the floor again because he linast well had enough looking at it. How can he help, save, aide when Matty was tearing himself apart in their cabin?  
  
"Da'len," a soft voice spoke from the doorway, "I know this is hard and trying right now, but you have to eat and sleep at some point."  
  
"Solas, I'm not in the MOOD for your etunash right now."  
  
"Understandable. But you can't stay in here all day and night. Its been several days, Da'len. The spirit is working as best he can to heal the Mark doing this to him. And so am I."  
  
The Mark? Pushing away from the table, nodding his head, he followed the older elf through the Chantry. "I thought- Pala, the fade Mark is doing this to him? I thought it- I thought it was me or something else. But not that."  
  
"It is indeed. I was never able to examine him as he was-" Solas frowned stopping just outside the doors, "He was bought in after you. I'm still trying to work on why there was something like what he described, was where he came from. I have no answers at all. None. Not even my friends can give an answer."  
  
There was something off with the older elf. He noticed that from the first time they met too. Even more now puckering his mouth up. "I see. And you think what happened to me, was the same thing that effected Matty? I don't see how _THATS_ possible. It was two different things, with shems spitting stupid telamdys names at us both for it!"  
  
Solas hummed at him, then motioned with his head to follow again. PALA, he's sick and tired of this. Sick and tired and getting angry looking at awed faces again, at Solas being strange and unforthcoming. But he followed, he followed past the tavern, past Varric and Hawke talking quietly. Past Cullen and Cassandra training. Where was he taking him? Nugs fled going past them down to the frozen lake. Then the telamdys older elf stopped, gazing up at the Breach.  
  
"Matty's mind is not like ours. He dreams yes, but not like us. The fade is a foreign thing to him, to his body, to his mind and is rejecting it. Nothing is real to him here, even though it is a fact presented to him."  
  
Fennix's stomach dropped right out of him. Solas continued-  
  
"The Mark, as Justice confirmed to me, is dividing his mind into two: Fact and fiction. Light and dark. Truth," the older man finally looked at him, "and lies. Why it seems to have spread up to his elbow. Why its more painful for him then you. I also intend on trying to seek out the reason why in dreams and I want you there as an anchor."  
  
Oh. "Yes. Pala yes. When?" If it'll save Matty, he would do literally anything, even if it means his life was forfeit. He would.  
  
"As soon as possible. Justice and his host are preparing him as best they can. We will see things within his mind, that will be abstract to us but normal to him. I warn you Da'lan, this may not be easy."  
  
"I don't telamdys well care. I'm ready. Right now. Lets do this."

* * *

  
He wished he prepared himself more. He really did standing on the edge of some warped building, hearing music from absolutely no-where and everywhere at once. _THIS_ was nothing like his dreams, this was nothing like dreaming in the fade at all. Abstract didn't even cover anything he was seeing right now. Solas warned him, Anders and the spirit warned him it wouldn't be easy being put to sleep to come here. He wished he prepared himself better.  
  
Birds flew past his face, but not birds when one stopped flapping its bony wings. Its was a nightmarish thing looking at him before flying away. The music got louder then quieter, stopped then started all over again.  
  
"Da'len," he nearly fell off the building, Solas was pale as he was looking over everything, "I do not know whether to feel sorry for his kind, or be thankful they dream in such abstract."  
  
"I think, I want to leave. Sathan."  
  
"We cannot. It took us long enough to get here to find him among lost dreams. Even I am shocked again at this. Pala, let us leave this buildings edge and find where he is here."  
  
Creators yes. He didn't want to look at the nightmare birds flying around, the broken sun above, the singular moon spinning around the broken orb. Stairs were crooked walking down them, the walls shifted and faded under his touch. Then they were outside in a field. A burning field at that with a figure full of holes in the center of it. His eyes couldn't make out who it was at all. The figure walked among the burning wheat, arms outstretched walking away from them-  
  
Then vanished as everything changed again back to more buildings. People walking around with blank faces, pushing children with blank and empty faces too in wheeled seats. None of them had eyes, ears, nothing but a head and hair. What was all this?  
  
"Solas?" panic was in his voice looking at them all brushing past them, "I don't understand."  
  
"Faceless. They all are. Nondescript humans going about their business. _THATS_ how Matty sees them all, how they seem him. Faceless. Fennix," Solas grabbed his arm at the scream from behind them, Matty running out of some blue doored giant building, blood and fear written on his face. A man chasing him, anger, hate, disgust over his own blooded face but he was on fire trying to reach his- his-  
  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
"I'll beat a real man into you, boy!"  
  
"We have to follow them, Da'len. See where-" Everything twisted and melted away around them once more. The burning field, the music echoing around everywhere, the half there person standing in it reaching up to the broken sun and moon spinning round and around it. None of this was making sense at all. "Helpless. They feel helpless as everything brakes and burns around them. The broken sun, the moon, the orbit of it. The man before, the rage in him at Matty."  
  
"Solas, this means pala all to me right now. None of it."  
  
Fields turned into ash, turned into a small room with some sort of seat. A woman with the same colour hair as Matty sat upon it, she smiled at them both pointing to some window. She was a pretty woman, Matty drew her perfectly when he felt tears prick his eyes. He looked out the window-  
  
"Matty," he was outside looking in at them. Huge. Giant. _Scared_. But his face. Creators, his face, his whole body, was covered in the etching from the Mark. "Matty, MATTY!" He went to reach out, but the other boy fell backwards away from them. "NO!"  
  
"Etunash! Fennix keep still. We need to see what happens. We cannot help him yet. But that was not full Matty, that was the other half of him being consumed by the Mark. His soul. His spirit. His mind. Telamdys it all, I wish Cassandra allowed me to stay. He wouldn't be in this position at all!"  
  
Fennix choked still trying to reach Matty through the window. He wanted to scream when this dream shifted again, he wanted to scream even more at the music playing and playing and playing around them both. The same piece of music. The instruments. The voice singing words that made the tears in his eyes roll down his face.  
  
**_'Dying swans. Twisted wings. Beauty not needed here. Lost my love. Lost my life. In this garden of fear. I have seen many things. In a lifetime alone. Mother love is no more. Bring this savage back home.'_**  
  
Even the older elf wiped his eyes hearing it more _oh so_ clearly around them.  
  
**_'Wilderness. House of pain. Makes no sense of it all. Close this mind. Dull this brain. Messiah before his fall. What you see is not real. Those who know will not tell. All is lost. Sold your souls. To this brave new world.'_**  
  
"Solas, oh Falon'Din, we have to find him. WE HAVE TO FIND HIM!"  
  
"I know. I know. But this is beyond me. Beyond any dream I have encountered. Abstract," he cringed when the world changed again, "this is worse then that. Though, this music must have some meaning to him. Has to be."  
  
There he was again, backing away from the- from the man raging in green fire. Incense hit his nose. One he knows from the Chantry following inside. Candles of all colours were lit, shadows danced in the corners of this room, books lined one wall, skulls of many kinds and pendants on creators knows what else was everywhere he looked. Matty was backing further away looking about himself.  
  
And there it was, that stone ball sitting in red velvet he reached for- **_'Dragon kings dying queens, where is salvation now? Lost my life lost my dreams, rip the bones from my flesh. Silent screams laughing here, dying to tell you the truth: You are planned and you are damned in this brave new world.'_**  
  
The burning angry man yelling obscenities at him. It hurt hearing it. It hurt him as bad as it did Matty. It hurt seeing him contort in pain as green raced up his arm, the loud pop, the music over lapping it all. _But oh, oh Matty, my beautiful Matty, the pain he was in, the fade eating his arm-_  
  
"It cannot be! That- that is a foci. That, is an elven artifact in his own world. Its not possible!"  
  
Music changed. The world changed. Matty stopped screaming. The broken sun high in the sky with the moon still spinning around it. Solas was panicking beside him. His own eyes didn't leave the two versions of Matty there: One consumed in the fade holding the hands of one shattered and broken. Both were crying. Both were shaking. Both were looking at the two of them there.  
  
_**'Don't know why I feel this way. Have I dreamt this time, this place? Something vivid comes again into my mind. And I think I've seen your face. Seen this room, been in this place. Something vivid comes again into my mind.'**_  
  
What kind of elven thing did this to Matty? His own kinds load of etunash. What did this to break him in half? Fennix was feeling disgusted his own kind even had things like this. But the older man knew EXACTLY what it was, which sent his own anger flaring rounding on him. "How did you know, Solas. How did you know what it was. WHAT KIND OF THING CAN DO THIS SOLAS!"  
  
"Da'len, I have seen one before many years ago. The ancient Elvhenan had many such artifact's laying dormant in ruins. But how his kind even had one... I don't know. This shouldn't even be possible. But his fade bound soul is pushing reality away from him, the broken one, the shattered and broken one, perhaps a reflection to what he is feeling? There needs to be balance, even if he may not truly understand the world he now lives in."  
  
**_'All my hopes and expectation. Looking for an explanation. Have I found my destination? I just can't take no more. The Dream is true, the dream is true. The dream is true, the dream is true.'_**  
  
"How?"  
  
"Go to him and bring him back together. The broken sun, is Matty. The moon," Solas pushed his shoulder to move, "is you. Go to him."  
  
Oh, he didn't need to be told twice running over to Matty. His knees buckled though. His heart raced inside his chest like nothing before. That beautiful face, those emerald eyes watched him get closer, Fennix wish he knew sooner what was happening to his- his- No, no, Matty needs his help first before any of that. Etunash, it hurt all over again looking them both over, he didn't know how to bring him back at all.  
  
"Matty. Matty, its Fen. Can you hear me?"  
  
"Your not real," both said at the same time like an echo, "Nothing is real. I'm not real. I want to go home."  
  
**_'Think I've heard your voice before. Think I've said these words before. Something makes me feel I just might lose my mind. Am I still inside my dream? Is this a new reality. Something makes me feel that I have lost my mind.'_**  
  
Fresh tears poured down his face, knees hitting the ground hard in-front of them both. The fade one tried to back away, the broken one tried to get closer like a two headed snake working out which way to go. "You are real, Matty. I'm real too. I proved you that with the kiss. You- you can't-"  
  
"STOP LYING! I want to go home. I want my mum. I want out of this bloody coma."  
  
"Matty," sobbed from his mouth reaching out to them, to him, to the broken and shattered one. "I'm not lying. Sathan. Don't leave me alone, I beg you. I don't want to be alone. Sathan. We're here to help you, in your dream, in- here. With you."  
  
**_'I only dream in Black and White. I only dream 'cause I am alive. I only dream in black and white. To save me from myself. I only dream in black and white. I only dream 'cause I'm alive. I only dream in black and white. Please save me from myself.'_**  
  
The fade one frowned, "How? How can you be here, when this- My dream? But- If your here, then this isn't real. Means your not real and neither is he."  
  
Neither is he? Is he talking about Solas. Or- Fennix looked at the broken and shattered one again pulling his hand back away from them. He reached for the fade consumed one instead, putting his hand on-top of theirs. "I'm real. Solas, he helped me here. We saw, creators, I don't know _WHAT_ I saw to be honest. But I saw you running, being hurt, saw the stone ball. Matty, look at me."  
  
"I don't get it. How can you be here in my dream, being all real and shit." Fade Matty looked down at his hand, "No, no, no, I was drowning in water, it felt like water. I was trying to breathe. God, I couldn't breathe at all. Anders- Anders he said something. Or was that Justice? You kissed me."  
  
**_'Lost in a dream of mirrors. Lost in a paradox. Lost and time is spinning. Lost a nightmare I retrace. Lost a hell that I revisit. Lost another time and place. Lost a parallel existence. Lost a nightmare I retrace.'_**  
  
"Yes, I kissed you. I want to kiss you every telamdys day, Matty. And more. Much _much_ more. I want to help you, we all do. I- I mean, I want to- I need you- I-" Fennix decided words weren't enough kissing the fade one hard. It felt strange against his lips. It didn't feel real, but words, words weren't enough to express how much he felt for the other boy. The boy with emerald eyes that did strange things in him. That made him purr like nothing before.  
  
Who's mouth fitted so perfectly with his when he pulled back, brushing dark blond hair away from the beautiful face right there.  
  
"Your broken, your hurting, you don't understand whats going on. The fade piece is hurting you too. But we can help you," Solas spoke beside them both. "Justice and myself can heal the wound as best we can, but it'll be with you. Always. You will carry that scar with you until the day you pass, Matty. I hope you understand that. Now all you need is time for your mind and body to heal. But we must wake up."  
  
Fennix held that hand tight in his pulling full Matty up off the ground. The world slipped away mouthing 'I love you, Ma Vhenan' to him before waking up. And by everything, he means it.  
  
He really did.

* * *

  
Darkness greeted him opening his eyes. God did his head hurt something bad. Everything did laying on his back in bed. Bed? Wait, he was back in the cabin? How in the name of fuck did he get back here? Also, his arm was trapped under something heavy. He tried to pull it free almost panicking in the dark because it was stuck! Something moved, groaned, then bolted upright with a squeak.  
  
"Oh fuck," came out of his mouth scooting over the other side of the bed, then promptly fell out of it. "OW."  
  
Eyes squinted against a light, a face came into view over the edge and smiled toothily down at him, "Your awake! Thank Mythal."  
  
"Er, yeah. I think. What? Why am I back here? What happened? I was having one hell of a shitty dream," Matty went to get up, then realised- "I'M NAKED! The fuck!"  
  
"Um, that was Anders stripping you not me. Two weeks ago. Matty, you've been asleep for two weeks, do you remember nothing?"  
  
He blinked a few times climbing back under the covers. Hinterlands, he remembers going there. Rooster being hurt. Finding the puppy and- "Oh god. All those animals. And people. And- YOU KISSED ME! Twice. I think? Head hurts like fuck- TWO WEEKS!"  
  
Ugh, his head really did hurt flapping his hand up at the candle right in his face. Fen put it out, plunging everything into darkness again. A blessing. But two weeks though, the shitty weird dream which he swore Solas and Fen were in it. _Stupid dreams. Oh-_ "My arm doesn't hurt." He looked it over no longer bright green and glowing, no longer felt like he held a buzzing bee in his hand. Faint blue traced through it now, tinged with green around the edges. No more pain.  
  
"Okay, well, um, so why isn't yours like this now then?"  
  
"Because yours was fast consuming you, Matty. More so then mine. It would of killed you, tearing you apart."  
  
A frown went over his brow trying to remember. The strange weird dream, looking at himself all shattered in pieces. The kiss. Solas saying it'll be with you always- "Holy, fuck. That was real? You, you two were in my head. You, actually saw- You saw all that weird shit too. The field, Stef's dad- everything."  
  
"Yes. So you do remember it," Fen smiled softly leaning over him, "I meant every word I said. All of it. I know you don't think this is real, but, pala, it is. You can't go home, this is your home now. And- and I want to live it with you- I mean- be with you- etunash!"  
  
"Oh god. Oh my fucking god, why are you even talking right now?"  
  
"I'm sorry. Ir abelas I- I can go-"  
  
He couldn't help rolling his eyes at that. "Kiss me, idiot. Fucks sake, stop talking and kiss me for the love of god!"  
  
The other boy, oh sweet fuck, he started purring pressing against his mouth. Matty just had to feel it under his palm, putting his hand on the clothed chest. It vibrated right though him, through his hand and mouth, which -it made his whole body want- just made him gasp into the soft press of lips. Wet stroked over his bottom lip from corner to corner, fuck it felt nice when Fen did it again. His stupid teenaged body grew even more in want, from head, right down to his toes letting loose a soft moan bunching up the shirt in his hand.  
  
"Matty," ghosted over his mouth, that warm breath forced his skin to goosebump everywhere, "Ar nuvena dera ma."  
  
Fuck, he wishes he knew what Fen said, his brains blood was going to places a lot lower right now. Very much so to the point he groaned feeling his cock press hard on the one on-top of him. He's not old enough, oh god, he's not old enough for this at all, and he's only just woken up for fucks sake! Wet traced over his lip again, then down his chin to his neck, Matty's fingers found their way into dark as night sky hair, snarling them around the strands with the wetness getting lower.  
  
"Oh god," he gasped feeling a flick over his nipple, "Oh sweet god in heaven. Fen- Fen-"  
  
If this carried on, if that wet tongue went any lower- Oh hell, he was going to cum. He just knew it arching his back. Teeth nipped over his chest, long fingers skimming down his side,  Matty's body was going to burst. "Fen- please. Please-"  
  
"Nuvenan avan ma’edhis sule bre’garas in br’av."  
  
Wish, wish, wish he knew what Fen was saying as the fingers went lower. That tongue going lower too, dipping into his navel. Matty arched his back even more gripping strands even harder in his fingers, his cock practically throbbing like anything. He wanted- he wanted- he wanted so bad. He wanted that tongue on him, that mouth taking him in. He wanted what he saw in books in the adult section in the library. Matty wanted to be blown off. "Please," he begged.  
  
The whine that came from his mouth, would of surpassed Roosters if he didn't clamp a hand over his face. Because, because that bloody tongue flicked his cock. Okay, he has to be dreaming again, he just has to be for this wasn't happening right now. At all. It wasn't. It can't be when the tongue flicked it again, swirling around the head, then down his shaft to his balls. _OH GOD!_ Was this even happening right now?  
  
Fingers left hair and mouth for the bedspread instead gripping tight in his hands, letting out the loudest moan he's ever done when Fen's mouth took him in. Took him in slowly from tip, to root, nose brushing down to his skin and fuzz then slowly back up. Matty panted. He panted like a dog -his mind swam deliciously for once- arching hips up instead. "Oh god, yes. Oh god, Fen, don't stop, please."  
  
Oh, this was real alright. This was most definitely real getting blown off. The mouth right there, on his cock, proved he wasn't asleep taking him in deep. Nor the hand joining it going fast on his shaft. Nor his low panting moans filling this stupid cabin up, it wasn't. Nor was the purring that vibrated over his damn cock! Oh god-  
  
Matty spread his thighs in reflex. How does his body even know how to do this shit? Why was his damn mind thinking stupid shit at all right now? His head pressed into his pillow baring his neck to the roof, mouth wide open getting tighter and tighter, heat unspooling down then up then out then- "OH... _FUCK!_ "  
  
He came right down Fen's throat. Stars danced over his eyes, his mind felt dazed and swimmy and holy fuck that mouth was sucking him dry. Tongue lapping over his shaft, licking him clean. Body and mind stuttered, mouth still panting up at the cabins roof trying to uncling from the bedsheets, spread, what the fuck ever he was holding right now.  
  
"Ma vhenan, ma lath, mar rodhe ir’on. From either end." Fen crawled up his body, he can feel how hard the other boy was on him, which, why why did that set his body on fire again. Why? "Look at me, vhenan."  
  
Matty tried to peel his eyes open, he tried again blearily looking up at Fen looking down at him. His eyes were pure black bending down to his lips, kissing him after he just blew him off too. Kissing him hard and wanting and everything pulling Fen down against him. Wet brushed his bottom lip, he couldn't help parting them because of it. He gasped when that tongue slipped between them, licking over his teeth, over his own tongue pushing further in.  
  
Lost, lost, so lost feeling the softness lick inside his mouth. Matty licked back, then groaned tasting the salty sweet over it. Mouths fitted so perfectly kissing deeply. Doing what he's always wanted to do, but never did. Too afraid, then got terrified, digging his nails into Fen's back hard, now he wasn't afraid rolling his tongue with the other boys. Who was rutting on his thigh, who's cock felt _oh so_ damn wonderful rubbing over it.  
  
Deep purring moan filled his mouth, a deep purring moan and body stutter as Fen came right on his thigh. Oh sweet Jesus. Sweet fucking Christ on a bike, Fen came on his thigh! Is _THIS_ what he did to the other boy? Was it? Is that what he did to Fen when the kiss broke, with him smiling like a cat who got the cream. Both of them smiling really. But was it?  
  
"Wow." And was that all his damn brain can come up with now? Of course it was. Blood. Else. Where. Still.  
  
"Couldn't agree more, Matty. Vhenan. Lath. Etunash, what you do to me."  
  
Yeah. He did do that. "Fen, brain gone. But," he smiled "I mean it. Wow." Nimrod.  
  
Nimrod who just woke up from the weirdness to be blown off.

Just... Wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in Matty's dream -  
> Iron maiden - Brave new world - https://youtu.be/4_FDjDwNygM  
> Iron Maiden - Dream of Mirrors - https://youtu.be/pwT9G6t-SKI
> 
> Shem - Derogatory name for humans.  
> Da'len - Child/Young Person  
> Sathan - Please  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> Linast - Bloody  
> Ir abelas - I am sorry  
> Telamdys - Damn  
> Vhenan - Heart  
> Lath - Love  
> Ar nuvena dera ma - I want to touch you.  
> Nuvenan avan ma’edhis sule bre’garas in br’av - I want to suck your cock until you cum deep in my throat.  
> Ma vhenan, ma lath, mar rodhe ir’on - My heart, my love, you taste delicious.
> 
> I forgot to thank FenxShiral who did the awesome Project Elvhen stuff, which a LOT has been used so far. And the Elven DAI Translator. Without them, couldn't of done half to stuff I've done. Thanks :D  
> Project Elvhen: Expanding the Elvhen Language - https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553883/chapters/7825850  
> Dragon Age Elvehn - https://lingojam.com/ElvenDAI


	8. All these hydra heads... and not one brain between them?

Of course it was snowing when they step outside. His legs still felt wobbly spending two weeks in fuckmare, and of course -uh hum- what happened last night. Matty also wasn't smiling like a div right now holding Fen's hand for the Chantry. Nope, neither of them were walking slowly through the huge falling white flakes, Tripod tucked under his other arm trying to eat the snow.  
  
Mouth yawned wide, jaw snapped shut when Josephine ran up to them both. Daintily running, he might add, with clipboard thing in hand, "Matty, oh am I glad your alright. We, well, no-one can agree on anything with you being out and Fennix watching you."  
  
And there goes his breakfast.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For starters," Josephine walked with them to the warroom, "We were supposed to be heading to Val Royeaux, you two specifically. Unfortunately, the Mothers wont allow us into the Capitol at all. Second: A large contingent of mages headed directly to Redcliffe. Everyone is frightened after the Crossroads. And thirdly: I feel like banging my head on the wall over. A number of our scouts have gone missing in the Fallow Mire."  
  
Wonderful. More shit thats going to go over his head. Fen puckered his mouth up, "I hear more in there. Yes? Pala, I hear more buts, ifs and creators knows what else. And Matty's not long awoken!"  
  
Josephine dipped her head, "Yes, if I might do. Matty, there are new clothing waiting for you with Harritt. And new armour for you as well, Fennix. Dalish styled of course."  
  
"Oh. Then thank you, Josie."  
  
All three walked into the warroom, chairs were around the map with arses firmly planted on most. Tripod yipped seeing Pounce rolling around on the ground, his big brother grinned wide at him, "Bout time. Your looking much better, Matty. Very much better." Anders narrowed his eyes up when they sat, Tripod wriggling to play with the orange tabby. He got nudged on the arm a murmur in his ear of, "What else did you do, besides break out of Andraste's know what nightmare?"  
  
"Um- er. Slept? Yeah, I slept pretty well. With Tri. And Fen. In the cabin. And ate. Lots of ate."  
  
"Uh huh, I believe you. Thousands wouldn't. But I do."  
  
 _Ground. Swallow me whole. For this is really god damn embarrassing right now._ Maybe he should of wiped the stupid smile on his face off that didn't want to leave, burying his face on Fen's arm.  
  
Everyone was still talking, Hawke, as usual, being the loudest. Cassandra's gasp silenced the entire room.  
  
"NO! Sebastian made a pass at you? I thought he was a pious man, Bethany! For shame."  
  
"Oh no, I liked it. Big brother on the other hand, did not. He went back to Starkhaven to be Prince. And I, apostate turned Junior Enchanter turned mere apostate again, fought against my own. Its how things go in the world right now. I don't mind, if it keeps people safe. But not against those who do Maker knows what to innocents."  
  
"So, your thinking what I'm thinking then Beth?" Anders rumbled against his side, the auburn haired woman sharply nodded once at him, "Me and Justice talked about it in length over the past few years. Even Fenris was shocked to hear it."  
  
Everyone went silent around him when Anders leaned forward, "We fucked up badly. We know that. The mages, Andraste's arse, they got worse and worse over time, the Templars got more addled without lyrium, without help. Their in worse state then the poxy mages are. I, want to help them from their addiction to lyrium. But with this bullshit going on, theres no way I can even consider it."  
  
"You... What? Are you bloody serious right now, Anders? After EVERYTHING you did, you want to HELP them! What happened to the Templar hating Chantry booming feathery mage I once knew?"  
  
"He grew up, Hawke. He saw with eyes wide shut at what he did. There are good Templars out there, good mages too, caught up in between all this. If we help one side, the other sides going to throw a hissy fit. I helped the mages back in Kirkwall, but there was no justice in that when they turned on everyone. How can there be? I even said to my Senior Enchanter years ago that the circles breaking away would be disaster. And look what happened." Anders voice got deeper, his skin etched him blue as the other side of him came out.  
  
"It was. And both sides killed many with their own forms of justice. We will do what we must for those whom need our protection. We must **NOT** turn our backs on those who need it. Templar, mage, the poor and destitute. Even though we all feared what this Inquisition was, we all see that it is a force for good. BUT," Justice rose slowly pointing at Cassandra, "you will not force these two into things they cannot handle. You will **NOT** push your own agenda upon them and use them as puppets. They will decide on where to go, what to do, and whom to help. But, we will help them with everything. Are we at an understanding?"  
  
Matty couldn't believe what he was hearing right now at all. Even the other lad leaned on him in shock. Fuck, everyone around the room was silent, awed, and a little bit terrified of the blue glowing man right next to him.  
  
"Sweet Maker, yes. I agree. I think we all do. We cannot go to Val Royeaux as was planned." Cassandra pouted, "I was hoping we could gather help and an ear with them. But it is closed off to anyone as of this moment. Redcliffe is besieged with mages. What kind, we do not know. Templars are wandering in their state, lost, withdrawn, killing any they come across. But I do agree, we cannot leave this up to the two of you."  
  
"Oh thank god. Kinda only just come out of my weirdness you know. Shoving this dick down our throats right now, not helping though-" Fen snorted behind his hand, which started Matty off blushing forgetting what the bloody hell he was going to say. Then realised what he **DID** say- "And- um, yeah. Stuff."  
  
Anders or Justice, he didn't rightly know right now, barked a laugh. Knowing. _Oh_ that was a knowing laugh. Hell they all had knowing looks when he peaked from between his fingers, trying to hide his damn embarrassment.  
  
"What Vhenan was trying to say, is that we linast well thank you for the help. Can we not send people to Redcliffe to find what these mages are? Do you think there are others out there who can aide us as well?"  
  
 _Thank you Fen. Thank you a thousand tim_ \- "Vhenan, ain't that heart in elven?" Hawke blurted, "Didn't Merrill call Isabela that- Oh, _ohhhh_." Blush. Deepened. Embarrassment, in full control trying to slip under the table. He wants to go back to sleep. Like, right now wants to go back to sleep, not in fuckmare, no, but blissful thinking about Fen's-  
  
"Right. Lemme, uh, lemme think this through. Josie, you said Fallow Mire has stolen our scouts? Can, um, can we go find them? And," Matty puffed out his breath half laying out of his chair, "what Fen said. Find out if these mage people are blood mages and shit. What about these Templar people? Can't we, I dunno, round half of them up for help? Fuck. What am I doing?"  
  
"Thats why you have us, Matty. Justice thinks me, Fenris, Bethany and Cassandra should check these Redcliffe mages out in-case. Maybe one other?"  
  
"I can go with you, Anders," the very silent Cullen added, "I know we've had our, well, our differences in the past. If you are truthful in helping any Templar who needs it, helping them through addiction. You have my blessings. But we must see if these mages are in need of help-"  
  
"-or in need of culling. I know. I prefer helping, but if their like the Crossroads arseholes- Ugh. Matty, Fennix, I think you can do the Mire for the scouts. Can't have them all locked up and eaten by marshlands now, can we. And you still need to re-cooperate a bit more."  
  
Matty snorted up at him, "Nope. Yup. Okay, right, wow, we actually have a plan, and I'm not freaking out. Much. A miracle! Head still kinda hurts though."  
  
"Probably because you had a very, very, late night, little brother." Anders winked at him, a very small quirk played on his lips sitting back down.  
  
"Shut up, shit bird."

* * *

  
The new armour was perfect. Braced chainmaille, reinforced leather, soft under cotton. Yes, pala was it perfect on him. Even his new short swords felt good in his hands, practising on the training dummy. Matty on the other hand, glared at the stuffed thing, stave long discarded on the ground when he nearly clocked himself on the head. He was getting better, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere when he sheathed the weapons.  
  
"Ma Vhenan?" he asked softly, hoping it wasn't another slip.  
  
"Ugh, you know," Matty crossed both arms over his chest leaning on the dummy, "I been thinking about the music from my dreams. About what Solas remarked on them too."  
  
Fennix rested on the dummy next to him, "What about them? I have never heard music like that before. Was, well, was both linast sad and amazing hearing it."  
  
"I know. I actually forgot all about them, because," the other boy scowled, then frowned, then looked sad, "they were dads favourite. When me and mum had to give up everything so we could actually survive without him. His music stuff was the last to go. I hated giving them up. I hated how he died too. It, well, it killed me inside. I knew full well he wouldn't of cared how I grew up, long as I was happy doing it."  
  
"How- if I may ask. How did he die?"  
  
Soft puffs of white breath went up into the sky, the other boy downcasts his eyes. "Cancer. Spread right out in him like fire. Hit so hard in him, to us, it was that quick. Shit, he was so fit and healthy, doing rugby, never smoked or drank. Didn't matter, it got him and killed him in months. Right from his liver too."  
  
The burning field, made sense now. The holed man- It all did bringing Matty in for a hug, then pecked a kiss on his forehead.  
  
"She is a beautiful woman, you mamae. Your sketches of her, creators, they did her justice. And your babae, I think he would be proud of you. Pala what the other man thought."  
  
"Maybe. I hope so. And she is. Fuck, don't start me off, please, Fen."  
  
He murmured a 'sorry' tilting that head up. Then brought their mouths together for a chaste kiss right in-front of soldiers and scouts practising nearby. As if he telamdys well cared if anyone saw them kissing, being close, everything. Fennix kissed him again, then again through the giggling smiles-  
  
"Sorry to interrupt, but may I have a moment of your time?"  
  
Solas blushed trying his hardest not to smile at them both tangled in an embrace. "Forgive me for this, but we all leave tomorrow for the Mire. And I have been informed, it is your birthing day in a weeks time, Matty. Correct?"  
  
"Er- is it? Shit, I forgot all about that too. Yeah it is. Why?" Even Fennix wondered why the older elf was asking.  
  
"I was wondering if it appropriate if I gifted you with something for it. Not before, but on the day, if- if that is alright with you?"  
  
His Vhenan quirked a brow up at him, then at Solas. "Okay. I think? Will it hurt, or-"  
  
"No, no," Solas beamed a wide smile, "it won't hurt you. It is something both physical and metaphysical, Matty. I'm none too sure if your kind even accept gifts for such a day."  
  
"Uh, well. They do. I haven't gotten one in- in a long time. Never really- It was- Sorry, ma serannas, Solas, whatever its going to be."  
  
The older elf dipped his head and left them standing there. His Vhenan's birthing day was soon, Pala, he actually forgot himself as well! He needed to do something for it, he just had too, but what? There was nothing on hand right now, had to be something-  
  
"Fen? I can see cogs going around in that brain of yours."  
  
"Etunash! I'll be- Tavern for- I need- Food, go get food, I'll be back later."  
  
Fennix left the bewildered Matty smirking at him when he ran off. Hands going from face, to hair, to- _PALA, stop it._ _Think, you stupid elf, think. What can you give your Vhenan, what can you give something thats meaningful?_ Oh, he had no idea, realising he was standing in the middle of the Chantry feeling flustered. He had no idea at all, pouting, scuffing dirt that wasn't there going into Josephine's office sulkily.  
  
Leliana and her were talking in low voices, drinking small glasses of wine when he knocked on her door. "Oh, Fennix. Do come in. How can we help you?"  
  
"I'm telamdys well lost. I want- I have to- I'm babbling!"  
  
"Sit before you fall, no. Here," Leliana pushed her small wine glass over, "I think you need that. Take your time, then tell us."  
  
Fennix slumped right next to her, thumbing the glass, then drank half of it pouring more out for himself. Much better. "I want to give Matty something for his birthing day, but I don't know what. And- and- Mythal preserve me, I actually forgot after everything thats happened."  
  
"He draws, no? Perhaps a new sketching book?"  
  
He thought that through. No. No. Fennix shook his head drinking the second glass down, pouring a third out. "Matty reads, a fair amount too. He did mention several times he wanted books to read about certain things. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find anything on what he wants. Poor suggestion." Josephine slowly pulled the wine bottle away when he poured his fourth glass.  
  
 _BOOKS! Maybe? Possibly. Solas might- no no, he was giving Matty something. Varric? No._ Fennix puckered his mouth up trying to think of something. Anything. Then thought back to the dream he tread through. Pala, he tried not to remember what he saw, even over a week later. The music was one thing, can't get Matty anything like-  
  
The place with all those strange things! The little skulls and-  
  
"I know what I can do," he flew out the office, the two women giving him an odd look almost tripping over his legs. Maybe he shouldn't of had that wine as his limbs were happily numb, stumbling past the dwarf and the red haired Hawkes. Who were giving him a strange look too. Did he have something on his face? Ears maybe? He touched them, found nothing, shrugged it off going to the Blacksmith. Where Matty was talking in a low voice to Harritt. Etunash!  
  
He can wait until his Vhenan's done. Maybe. He was panicking as usual; hair, face, pants, hair, face, chest, waiting and waiting and- His head swam when Matty caught his eyes-  
  
"Ina'lan'ehn," Fennix almost moaned that out leaning on the paddocks fence. Those eyes. That face. His minds going nine to a dozen getting tight all over again in his core. Wine, did not help matters at all pushing away from the wood, grabbing Matty when he came over and planted a huge kiss on his lips. "Creators, what you do to me," he murmured over them, "every telamdys day, Vhenan."  
  
"Fen- Wait, is that- is that alcohol on your breath? _OH_ fucking hell, have you been drinking!"  
  
"Yes. Yes I have. Too much, I think. Or not enough. Something- Vhenan," he clamped his mouth over the other one there to shut himself up. Want- want- want went through him. Sweet Halla horns, did it go through him making a scene right in-front of everyone again. Which, obviously, Matty didn't care about either holding hard onto his waist so they were closer. He smiled into it, he smiled wide into it nipping that bottom lip, then licked away the sting. "Sal' or ma' dun. Ar lath ma."  
  
"Wow. Thats, um, thats- fuck. Ar lath ma la'var son, Fen." He smiled again at Matty's words. Which he taught him, Solas was teaching him too.  
  
Heart. Burst. Right inside his chest... _knowing._

* * *

  
Tripod yipped with her head sticking out of his coat pocket, little jaws trying to nip at the snow as usual. She boofed looking up at him, Matty chuckled scratching her right behind her ears, offering cheese instead of snow.  
  
He shoved his hand into the other pocket for the letter he got from his big brother. Reading it over and over again. He, honestly, didn't know whether to be glad or pissed off right now. Redcliffe was more then besieged with mages, apparently, there were mages from Fenris' old homeland with them all. He went off on one, killing over a dozen before Anders calmed him down. Cullen wasn't happy about the situation at all, neither was anyone else.  
  
Also, a small group of Templars approached them in the Crossroads looking for the Inquisition that was MEANT to of been there. They stayed. They actually stayed and helped anyone in need. After what Matty heard from Anders, Hawke and Varric about what Templars actually were, he was a little stumped really. Considering most killed mages for, well, being mages. But this lot, fuck, they had over seventy mages with them. Mostly kids around his and Fen's age. But they were protecting the whole lot.  
  
What was his name again? Matty looked at the lead Templar who wrote to them too. Ser Delrin Barris. Whoever he was, even Anders and Justice approved of him helping out, joining them, keeping arseholes away from the teens. Good.  
  
The rest though in Redcliffe, well- Matty put the letter away not thinking about it right now.  
  
Tripod nipped his fingers playfully, "You want out huh? Or you just being a tinkle?" She boofed trying to climb out, "Tri, ugh, hold on. Don't get squished alright and stay close." She stayed close his heels, skipping on three legs as she does. Adorable. Utterly, stupidly, adorable.  
  
"Mabari are pretty damn intelligent, Matty," Hawke grinned, "Kinda lucky she imprinted on you, you know. Mabari are picky too."  
  
"Like you?" He couldn't help himself with that.  
  
" _Oh-ho_ , Bear's go claws! Yes, yes, I am picky. Especially when it comes to my bloody sister."  
  
Matty snorted nudging him. "And Varric. And Rooster. Your beer, food, tenting arrangements-"  
  
"Makers breath, you been reading that stupid Tale?" The older man actually pouted, trying to fold his stupidly massive arms over his chest, "I warned you not to, you know. Varric put so much bloody fucking bullshit in it, can't even call it my life."  
  
"Nope. He offered, but why read it when the living legends right there. Besides," Tripod skipped ahead with Rooster chasing each other, "I highly doubt your bleeding ego would fit into the whole story. Or your pickiness. Or, well, the amazing shock of red hair. Seriously, how did you ever hide?"  
  
Liam bloody Hawke's mouth dropped right onto the snow packed ground. Several blinks happened, a stumble, then a very loud bark of a laugh nearly knocking Matty right out of his boots when he got pushed away. "VARRIC! He knows me. He bloody well knows me more then the book!" The dwarf snorted behind them. Hawke grinned wide, "I never did. That was the whole bloody point. Shit, gangs got so pissed scared of the one, as they called, 'The one with blood red hair who growls like a feral mutt'. Naw, made my heart go all a flutter when they ran."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Matty tried to shove him back, he just skidded on the icy ground instead. "UGH! Right, so this Orsino mage person of a monster?"  
  
Liam's mouth thinned staring dead ahead. His face and jaw tensed up, the muscles running down his neck twitched grinding his teeth. "He turned. That bastard turned on us all, slitting his wrists when we begged him not too. Turns out," he spat, literally spat on the ground in anger, "he was another depraved blood mage behind my mothers murder. Oh yeah, he was a monster alright. He not only helped killed her, he killed the mages with us for his fucking blood bullshit. It was sickening."  
  
Shit. Fuck. Matty's stomach churned thinking about the Crossroads, the butchery. And this Orsino did the same? "Hawke-" what else could he say, he wasn't there for it, he only saw what he saw months previous and that was bad enough. Matty tried again, "At least he's dead, yeah? Know I ain't the best person for this at all, what with me still trying to figure shit out, but- at least he's dead. And the other sick one hurting your mum too."  
  
"I know. I know. Thing was, I defended the sodding mages, Matty. I defended them to Meredith, to Elthina, to everyone. I helped Anders and Fenris with the Chantry. Then everything went south pretty damn fast after everything! Even if I backed the Templars, the outcome would of been the same. I wonder why sometimes, I really do."  
  
"Then-" Matty frowned at the ground, "then, what do you think we should do with all this then? Mage or Templar?"  
  
Wind blew around them, swirling the loose snow up into little vortex's before hitting the ground again. He looked up at the red haired man, then behind him. Hawke wasn't looking at him, wasn't looking at anyone really, his gaze seemed to be inward thinking. "Liam?" he tried again, "Hey, Liam!"  
  
"Neither." Was the reply. A very gruff, bitter reply aimed at no-one but angry thoughts. Everyone on their mounts had stopped with questioning looks on their faces when he spoke again. "I was never given a choice, Matty. Was one or the bloody other. But my choice right here, right now, would be neither. Their both as bad as each other. Yeah sure, theres kid mages going to Haven with good Templars. But the rest-? Matty, Fennix, fuck them. Fuck them all. I say get help else where with the Breach. I mean it."  
  
"Champion?" Solas slipped off his mount, "Is that your wish, or one your putting on both of them?"  
  
"I'm not Champion any more. And no, ain't forcing either of them to do anything. You saw the Crossroads lot, you heard about Redcliffe. You _SAW_ the Templars just as bad. How can you bloody well trust either side, huh? My wish," the red haired man cracked his knuckles hard, "is that we find others to help us, _NOT_ any of them."  
  
More wind picked up around everyone, whipping his long coat around his ankles. His puppy tugged on the corner when it whipped up again. Matty nodded in agreement, and so did Fen. Everyone did really. All of them. "Okay, right. Then we'll choose neither. So, how we gonna close this Breach thing without- fuck, what was it Solas?"  
  
"More residue power. I have a few ideas if this is the case. I don't know how Cassandra or the others will take it when I suggest it. But I agree, we cannot rely on either side as of this moment. Let us continue to the Fallow Mire. Who knows, we may find more allies in unusual places."  
  
Knowing their luck -which has kinda been happening to Matty lately- they probably would. Wonder what Solas meant though. What ideas? He'll find out later tucking Tripod back in his pocket, clambering on Fen's fussy mount. Heh, he may hate horses, but he had a rather nice thing to hold onto when they set off again. Matty smiled pressing his face against the back there, arms wrapped around Fen's waist getting all tight in the body. _Mmmm._ God, he wanted another blow job when they stop again.   
  
Fuck yeah, did he. Loved it the first time even if they hadn't done anything in a while other then kiss. He wanted-  
  
-more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Da'len - Child/Young Person  
> Sathan - Please  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> Linast - Bloody  
> Ma serannas - Thank you  
> Telamdys - Damn  
> Vhenan - Heart  
> Mamae - Mum  
> Babae - Dad  
> Ina'lan'ehn - Beautiful  
> Sal' or ma' dun. Ar lath ma - Soul of my body. I love you.  
> Ar lath ma la'var son - I love you as well


	9. Wet, sticky, sated and blooded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where I'm from, Sixteen is the legal age for sex. Why Matty actually waited till he hit Sixteen to even do it. (Still considered underage here though.)
> 
> Condoms in one form or another have been around for a LONG time, animal intestines, loin cloths.... and some really gross things to do with scorpion venom and- You get the drift.  
> When Matty mentions condoms, its not a known word in this world. If he said animal bladder or magical protection, Fen would probably understand.
> 
> (Thought I'd just put that out there)

Rain. Ever falling rain. Rain. Rain and **RAIN!** This place was bullshit. Wet soaked everything, from the moment they stepped foot in the Mire, to the moment they found the camp hidden away in a cave. Mud squished and squelched under the mounts hooves and creepy feet, Tripod grumbled tucked under his arm, shaking her little head as water dripped right into her ears. Lace snorted at his face glowering at her, ahhh, he couldn't stay mad at her. Not the cute button of a dwarfs fault it was raining.  
  
But he did ponder, "Avvar? The fucks that?"  
  
"Rather tall, well built humans, Bear. Can't miss them really, but yup," she sighed rolling her eyes up, "they have our scouts. Somewhere in here, in the wet, soggy, undead filled marshlands. So yes... fun."  
  
Huh. "Like vikings?" Lace gave him an odd look. "Uh, they were tall, well built- never mind. And undead? Oh for gods bloody sake! Please tell me I don't have to play with them." The pout on his face was massive as she nodded. "Fucking hell."  
  
"Sorry. Wish it was better news, Bear. Oh and Happy birthing day!"  
  
Matty bumped her shoulder strolling back into the cave, both of them grinning wide before she darted off out the other entrance. Exit. That way for more rain. Blimey, he maybe born and bred Brit, but this shitty rain? Ugh, alright, he kinda liked it if it didn't upset Tripod grumbling again. Rooster had already made himself at home in-front of the roaring fire, which looked way too homely for him putting her down. She immediately climbed on-top of the old git, tugging on his ear playfully laying down.

Everyone else was scouting, leaving him here on his own. He pouted again shucking out of his coat, dropping it on the drying racks the Inquisition soldiers set up especially for this place of ever falling rain.  
  
Mud coated his boots right up to the lip. Which, he might add, was right under his bloody knees for fucks sake! Dads old boots wouldn't of coped with this stickiness at all, none of his old clothes would slumping down on the log cum seat. But Matty was getting twitchy sitting there, twitchy, nervous and weird standing back up. Fingers thrumming on his thighs walking around the cave, looking over tents, peaking in them, then behind them, then up at the roof of the cave. Then stepped out in the rain getting even more wet and muddy.  
  
Where was everyone? Felt like hours ago they left to scout nearby. Why was this taking so bloody long?  
  
Matty scuffed up mud, which promptly stuck to his boots even more trying to flick it off. _Great. Wonderful._ He needed a fucking bath real bad right now, shoving hands into pockets for the ravens. At least that didn't freak him out when he found out what they were for months ago. Like carrier pigeons back home, but unusual looking ravens. Who he may or may not coo over, because they were bloody awesome looking really.  
  
"You don't even care its raining, you do?" he cooed ticking Ser Chirps -yes, he named that one himself- under his beak. "Silly bugger. Oh-" A note was strapped to his leg, "Been busy too." Matty gave him his usual treat for thanks closing the cage unfurling the note. From Anders again-  
  
_Little brother,_  
  
_Andraste's pert arse, you won't believe what we found here. I'm freaking out, so keep an eye out for more._  
_Theres sodding skulls made from Tranquil mages on poles. Bloody Tevinters killed them to make some sort of_  
_Ocularum._  
  
_It means they were looking for something important. Arseholes. Ask Solas about them. He'll probably loose it._  
  
_These skulls aren't hard to miss. One eye is a gem to highlight things in the distance. A burnt symbol of_  
_the Chantry and another which is magic in nature._ (He actually drew what the symbols were.)  
  
_Whatever you do, don't use them. Remove them from the poles, bring them back to Haven for proper bloody_  
_Rites and shit. Justice flew off into a rage about this barbarism. So did everyone else really. Despicable._  
  
_BUT, we found a Tranquil alive here in Redcliffe, he's coming back with us. I have a helper for healing_  
_now! His names Clemence._  
  
_Anyway, another bit of news. When you get back to Haven, theres going to a few new faces. One in particular_  
_might scare the living shit out of you. The others... well... a bit strange. I think you might like him though._  
_Justice certainly does. We tried to find some Warden Blackwall here too for Leliana, but he's gone. Oh well._  
  
_One more thing._ (Anders drew a cat with wings right there. Matty grinned thumbing it.)  
  
_HAPPY BLOODY SIXTEENTH BRAT! Got something here for you when you get back. And do have a really, really_  
_good night, little brother. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink._  
  
_Your big wonderful brother and the grumpy grandpa_  
_Anders & Justice_  
  
_P.S._  
_Everyone just waved at the parchment to say hello. Idiots, I swear._  
  
Matty blushed bright red shoving that in his pocket for the next raven. Shit, fuck, he was getting twitchy again. Reading the note, he wandered away from the warm camp a little more. More things he didn't really want to deal with, Fen can read them when he gets back. Varric too. Little puffs of breath expelled from his mouth shoving them in his pockets for later.  
  
Rain just ran down his face when he tilted it up, his tied back hair slipping out of the tie. Ugh, he just yanked it off letting the rain soak him completely, hair sticking to shoulders and back slipping his eyes closed. A small smile graced his face, the cool air filling his lungs, his skin goosebumping with the first crack of thunder over head. Undead or not roaming around, he was enjoying this tiny moment of ever falling rain.  
  
The mounts nickered behind him, Matty ignored them with his face still tilted up towards the heavens. Lightening burned over his closed eyes feeling someone get closer to him, then right behind. The small smile? Widened a bit having arms go around his waist, a head on his shoulders purring a chuckle, "You'll get sick, Vhenan."  
  
"Shush, I'm having a moment."  
  
"Oh, are you now." Matty giggled at the kiss right on his ear. "Mmmm, can think of better moments. Like this one." Hands left his waist, which he'll flatly deny he whined out at, until fingers went around his neck laying something over it. "I made it for you."  
  
Eyes pealed open, blinking away the water drops from his lashes to look down. What he saw -wow- his breath caught on the back of his throat at the chain. At the pendant hanging from the end looking over it. _Oh my_ \- His heart did something weird. Like stopped, stuttered, beat faster, then stopped again thumbing over the wooden, beautifully carved heart right there.  
  
"Fen-?" He choked turning to face him. OH GOD! He was as drenched as he was, armour free, in his undervest and long pants. Droplets of water rolled down his face, which Matty traced going down his neck. Which hung another wooden heart pendant. An outline of one. He lifted his up, the shapes matched perfectly together. "Oh, I-" Brain, just hiccuped slotting his right into it. "Fen, this is, these are beautiful! You made these?"  
  
"Mm hmm. Carved by my own hands. Ma Vhenan," cold, shaking fingers skimmed down his face, "Sal' or ma' dun. I love you with everything I am. Birthing day or no, I would of made these regardless. Because we- we- fit. No, I mean- we go- Etunash. I mean-"  
  
Matty shut him up. Rocking on his feet, he shut him up slotting their mouths together, arms wrapping around that neck right there to bring him closer. Chaste, slow, press of lips, didn't feel enough right now, pushing his entire rugby built body closer to the longer, leaner one. They really did fit together nicely. He wondered what else would fit nicely, nipping that bottom lip. "Thank you, Fen."  
  
Both of them were blushing, he can feel the heat go over his face. Fen's was clearer, swirling over his cheeks then down his neck kissing him this time. Fingers tightened around his waist, thumbs brushing up and down, up and down his rain soaked shirt. That went lower, those hands went lower to his hips, thumbs dipping under his waist band. Matty hummed tilting his head slightly feeling Fen's lips parting, wet warmth tracing his lower lip for permission. Ugh, he gave it. Of course he wanted that tongue in his mouth again. He wanted that tongue elsewhere again too, licking into Fen's mouth with him licking into his.  
  
Thumbs dipped even lower slipping right under waist band, stroking over hip flares. _THAT_ , shouldn't feel damn good at all. No bloody way should it feel good, quivering under the small touches, the small traces. The tongue rolling over his harder, licking further and further into his speak hole. Matty whimpered a bit getting harder and harder, feeling Fen just as hard pushing it into him. Oh god. Oh fucking god, he wanted so bad panting harshly, forcing the kiss to be needy, greedy and fucking well wanton gripping dark hair.  
  
He would bloody well roll in the mud with Fen right here and now, oh god he fucking well will if they didn't get back to the tent right NOW! Wanted. He wanted- wanted-  
  
"Errr.... sorry to, well, break this up and stuff. But," wow, moment ruined by Hawke right there, "foods on."  
  
The growling purr that came from Fen's mouth. Sweet Jesus, that shouldn't of turned him on even more. Neither should the glare he gave the older man. "We will be there. IN A MOMENT!"  
  
"Sorry. Sorry. Happy Birt- OKAY! I'm going. Maker, as bad as Fenris with that shit."  
  
Matty buried his inflamed face on the purring chest, calming absolutely everything down before he bursts right there and then. Fuck. Shit. Bollocks. Easier said then done with the rumbling purrs vibrating on his face. Even worse, was Fen effing and blinding in elven into his hair at the interruption. "Etunash, fine, come on."  
  
"Wait-" he flailed flapping his free hand about, "I'm- um- not presan- _FUCK_ Fen-" Matty looked down at his pants with the bulge still there. "Cold shower or something. Bath. Whatever. I- fuck!"  
  
"Blood mage." Was all the other boy said. Was all he needed grimacing at that. Erection going down thank bloody god. Hand got tugged on again to move, "I will kill him, I hope you know. He's been like that most of the day. Telamdys rude, if you ask me."  
  
Eh- he would agree is he wasn't blushing behind his hand right now.

* * *

  
Night crept in like an unwelcome guest, lightening still illuminated the wet stained skies flickering right inside the cave too. Pretty. Was really pretty  getting the last of the mud from his boots off. Pointless, but he needed his mindset back in looking after his clothes again. Matty smiled at the gift Solas gave him around his forearms. Bracers, handmade of course, with roots and vines, trees and flowers burnt into the leather. The lining though, was laced with magic somethings? Runes, thats it, runes lined on the inside.  
  
He couldn't thank the older elf enough for them. Protection... in a sense. A barrier would go around him, keeping anything away that would kill him. Bloody awesome shit right there.  
  
Varric gave him better drawing stuff, a new sketching book too. Hawke, gave him a dagger. 'Was my brothers' Liam muttered handing it over teary eyed. Matty promised he'll look after it, he got waved off getting tugged into his shared tent by his partner and miniature pony. No-one needed to give him anything at all. He never asked for this, any of this. They all insisted.  
  
But letters got read by everyone. He discussed with Solas what these Ocularum were. The man, as Anders predicted, was disgusted, swore several things in elven. Then left the cave to talk to his friends about it all. _Friends_ , as Matty found out, meant spirits like Justice. Who may help them with closing the Breach. Maybe. Possibly. Lace sent letters back about the other things too for them.  
  
And now-  
  
Now it was just Fen and himself awake. Dropping his boots right inside the tent doorway, he just got pulled in further with a squeak.  
  
"Etunash, I can't wait any more." Fen dipped his head down, pulling on the hem of his fresh shirt roughly. "Hurry up!" The other boy whined tugging at it harder.  
  
"Wow, think you were frisky or something."  
  
"PALA, yes!"  
  
Matty grinned slowly taking his shirt off, not like Fen wasn't half dressed as it was, dark blue tattoos etching over chest rippled yanking the shirt right off his head. Matty, then got shoved onto his back on piles of furs, covers and apparently, their bed now. Excitement went right through him with Fen slipping between his legs, leaning over him with a toothy grin.  
  
"Are you old enough now?"  
  
Oh god, that purr, those blown wide eyes looking right into his, set his teenaged body on fire again. "Er, yeah. Sixteen, of cou-" Words never even finished having a mouth clamp over his, hard. He melted into it as normal, he melted parting his lips for tongue that wanted entry, wanted to lick everything inside his mouth. Matty gasped hard when Fen arched his hips into his. Fuck, oh fuck, Fen did it again. Then again- Matty lost himself into it spreading his thighs more at the feeling.  
  
Tongue got bit, then sucked, then licked on over and over again, the hip movements over his still clothed bottom half, got more and more digging his nails into Fen's back. _More_ \- his mind shouted at him arching his own hips up. _More, more, more_ , feeling his skin go molten. Matty pulled back from the heated kissing, arching his neck to moan. God, he wanted to come badly already.  
  
"Fen, please," panted through the soft moaning, "Oh god-"  
  
No reply given, having the laces of his pants being tugged open, then pulled down. Cock sprung free, feeling way too heavy laying up on his stomach twitching, fingers digging into the furs watching Fen though hooded eyes. Watching pants get ripped away from his calves, tossed, then- then- _then_ he got to see what was between the other boys legs. The hairless length, longer and swollen standing proud right there.  
  
"Fuuuuck," gasped out in soft gush of air watching it bob, sway enticingly. God, it looked as beautiful as Fen did. Everything on Fen was gorgeous, everything. Matty bit his lip when Elfroot was retrieved from a pack. What? Using that as... Ohhhhhhhhh. _OH_. "Oh god!" He whimpered realising what thats going to be used for. He was going to- oh fuck he was going to loose his full virginity to Fen, right here, right now, on his fucking sixteenth birthday!!  
  
"Vhenan." Oh, oh, _oh_ that breathy sound. That breathy, sexy sounding purr that came from that mouth, set his insides on fire having his thighs nudged apart more. "I'll be gentle. I want you to enjoy this, lath. I- I want to do this, for you, with you. Sathan."  
  
Matty nodded unable to even speak a bloody word right now. Mouth hung open still watching Fen, watching the orange liquid run over his fingers- His mind popped trying to remember those books from the adult library. Wasn't he supposed to prepare himself more? Fuck shit. Oh god, he hasn't-  
  
"Fen, I'm not- I haven't cleaned down there. And- and- I got no condoms. Fuck-" Cock, wilted, feeling very very out of his depth right now, even though, Christ almighty, he wanted this so bad.  
  
The other boy just smiled softly at him, leaning over Matty's face again. "Why do you think I want to do this for you, with you, Vhenan," ghosted over his lips, "I don't know what condoms are, but-" he got kissed gently, "I know how to prepare."  
  
"I'm ruining it, ain't I. God."  
  
No reply again, just soft press of lips and those wet fingers going round the base of his cock. Numbing it. Oh. OH. _OHHHHH, god_. Matty whined at the feeling, he whined again at the stroking him back to full hardness. Knees spread his legs even more, his mind popped at the wet cloth wiping him down. Okay, he didn't ruin it being made clean. Felt bloody nice really, all of it did nipping Fen's lip. So many things were happening at once, he didn't know what to bloody do at all. Felt like a right lemon laying there like, fingers twitching, body heating right on up arching his neck against the furs.  
  
Matty's mouth opened wide at the finger playing with him again, circling and circling over his puckered flesh. Not like he's never, well, tried it himself, but this- _this_ \- this was a whole new level going on right now when it breached him. "Fen-" fell out of his panting mouth, pushing his head further back into the softness behind him. That finger, that god damn finger, slick and warm and fucking hell felt far too nice inside him. He almost tensed feeling a second one slip inside, too much, too much- not enough, "Fen, oh god."  
  
"Shhh, Vhenan." Searing heat licked over his neck to his chin, "Relax." Teeth nipped up his jaw, nipped and scraped then bit right below his ear. "I want you to enjoy this." Oh, he was, sweet hell was he enjoying this. Matty's lobe got tugged on, "Your so beautiful. All of you. Creators, so undone already and we haven't even begun."  
  
The moan that came out from his mouth when those fingers brushed something inside him? Fen had to shut him up, slipping his tongue back inside his speak hole - or moan hole right now- to drown out the sound. Want. Want. _WANT_ so bad screwing the furs up in his hands, rolling tongue over tongue, body set fit to burst right over everywhere. Heat, so much damn heat already, arching hips to meet those fingers. Fen's cock, heavy and full resting on his thigh. Wanting it. Instincts, kicked in groaning into the kiss. More. More-  
  
"Fen, please." Begging tumbled out of his mouth between each slick, each slide, each breathy pant, each finger thrust. "Please. Please."  
  
"Beautiful boy," nip at his lip, "my beautiful shem boy," nip at his chin fingers slipping free, "ma' ina'lan'ehn, ir'ina'lan'ehn, lath." Fen leaned up cleaning his fingers on another cloth. Matty watched him, he watched everything he did drawing his knees up. He's not stupid, he's read the books, he's seen the pictures of all positions. But shit, he honestly never thought he'd be doing it, not in a million years. Even if he did want it with Stef. Screw him. _HAH_ no, he's the one going to get screwed.  
  
He watched the hand on Fen's cock, coating it, stroking it. God, the want burned like liquid fire in every limb. Next time, oh yeah, he'll suck that himself, he wanted to taste Fen on his tongue, share it back with him. Everything. Every god damn thing, swallowing having his knees pushed further up to his chest. Fen looked at him asking with his eyes, Matty nodded slowly back biting his lip, keeping his eyes on those as black as the vacuum of space.  
  
"God save the fucking queen," came out of his mouth feeling Fen slowly slip inside. Slowly, gently, inch by inch giving him time to adjust. He keened. Of course he did arching his back feeling too full, not full enough, wanting more. It felt forever and no time at all the other boy hilting fully inside him, hands now planted on either side of his head. Giving him time, letting his body relax. Felt good, good, so god damn good letting out little stuttering breaths.  
  
Then- then- _oh god_ then Fen pulled out slowly, then back in. Yes. Yes. Oh god "Yes, Fen." Matty dug his fingers into the longer back, the slow deliberate roll of hips felt like heaven on earth. It felt like EVERYTHING it thought it would be. Fuck yes. Low moans slipped free, baring his neck again for the teeth biting over his shoulder, to the join before sinking in, marking him, wanting him. Hips languid rolls, back bunching then loosening, arching and falling, the low purring rumbles under his fingers feeling it all.  
  
Matty was so lost- so very much lost in this, he didn't remember wrapping his legs around the other boys back. Heel's pressing hard against the small of his back, arching his own hips to meet the upward thrust. He doesn't remember his hands being taken, pinned on either side of his head. But fuck, he does know the sounds erupting from his mouth with all this heat, the movement, the feeling, the sensations going on.  
  
"Pala em elvar’el, sathan!" Where did that come from? Did... did he actually say that? The chuckle in his ear says he did.  
  
"La'var Ma vhenan nuven'in. Ar ju pala ma elvar'el, sule irlahna telir ma' melin."  
  
Uh, _oh,_ sweet fucking hell. Fingers snarled around his even more, pinning them harder to the furs. The roll, oh god the roll of Fen in him changed, knees braced right under his backside as the other boy panted hard in his ear. That dick, that cock, that glorious thing fucking him right now, was hitting that spot buried right there. _More, more, more,_ went around in his mind, digging heels in harder to that back right there getting the rhythm back down again. Even though little white stars danced over his eyes.  
  
"Yes. Yes. Yes. OH GOD YES!" Matty didn't care he was being loud, he didn't give one shit getting tighter and sweaty and panting like a dog in heat. He didn't care pushing hard into the chest right there. He didn't care, baring his neck up the tent brace again. Oh, he didn't care at the obscene sounds of flesh hitting flesh either. Blissed out, he was, blissed the fuck out getting fucked right on out too.  
  
Nonsensical words poured from Fen's lips, biting, nibbling, licking over his neck, his shoulders, his god damn jaw to his mouth. Tongue's flicked, licked, rolled messily over the others, getting tighter and tighter, sweat beading then rolled down both their faces. Down sides. Down Fen's back when his hands were let go. His dug his nails in hard, scraping them down that long back, up, then down arching his whole body.  
  
"Fen-" became a mantra. His name wouldn't stop coming out from his mouth at all. It wouldn't stop when that sweet spot got hit over and over and over again.  
  
Heat unspooled more then before. Face, to chest, to groin, then everywhere when he came hard, wet warmth hit his stomach, both their stomachs. How hard it hit, how much it hit, dazed him, mouth wide open, spittle strung up between his teeth digging trenches in Fen's back. Who wasn't done yet biting hard on his shoulder, those wonderful hips stuttering, heavy breathing sent his skin goosebumping all over.  
  
And then he came too. Matty could feel it. Sweet Jesus, could he feel that cock spilling deep inside him. The hard throb. The warmth. The- everything.  
  
Dazed, sated, drained, sticky- fuck, he was everything a dirty bastard was right now getting throughly kissed. And he lost his full virginity to the one, right here, who he could never of met if it wasn't for everything that happened.  
  
Matty smiled sleepily up at him, running fingers down the shape of his ear. Fen smiled down at him too leaning into his hand, sweat dripping down his face as much as the ever pouring rain outside the cave.  
  
"Ar lath ma, Fennix Lavellan."  
  
"Ar lath ma la'var son, Matty Ursa. Happy birthing day."  
  
Matty chuckled, "Yeah. It bloody is. Was. _Is?_ Fuck, who cares." Ugh, was it weird to think that he wanted to marry this boy right here? Was it? Maybe? He'll brush it away for now wanting to go to sleep right in the wet patch, even with being cleaned right on up.  
  
He was too sleepy to even move right now. Too... everything.

* * *

  
"Pala is this etunash?"  
  
"Er- your asking the one who don't come from here what _THAT_ is!"  
  
"Pah," Fennix snorted holding Matty's hand looking over the strange monolith, "was rhetorical. But it still stands. Anyone else know what this is?"  
  
Solas hummed walking slowly around it, the other two kept back in-case of more undead. The older elf peaked around from the other side, "It would appear this is some sort of magical beacon. There is a rune on this side, hard to read most, but- hmm."  
  
"Hmm what?"  
  
"I suggest we destroy this beacon immediately. It holds twisted with its grasp! Matty, stay close to it," Solas pushed his Vhenan out the way for safety. Tripod whined burrowing in Matty's coat, Rooster kept by his side. The barrier from his bracers went up around the three of them. Good. Good. Fennix didn't want to see any of them hurt again. None of them. Bad enough they awoke by accident the undead at the waters edge.  
  
Matty nearly got pulled under it was that quick. The bloated shem got a dagger in the head for it, while he himself, let loose his fury into the thing hurting his lath! Hawke called him too protective, he couldn't care less. Matty was his Vhenan, not the etunash smelling undead shems. Bah, Liam protected Varric, his own partner like anything. Why can't he? And Solas was right when the beacon flickered into life, Terrors walked out the water with more undead. Pala the whole lot of them.  
  
He kept one eye on Matty, slipping into the shadows. But the other boy was busily reading a book he found, flipping page after page over, then gave it to Rooster to sniff. The mabari growled low in his throat, hackles raised nosing the ground around the beacon.  
  
A Terror crept right up behind Hawke, he stabbed it over and over again, the dwarf peppered it with holes. Both going to the next one Solas directed them too. But Matty, he still watched him looking past them all, eyes going wide, mouth dropped down holding Rooster from charging off by his collar.  
  
" **FEN BEHIND YOU!** "  
  
Something caught the back of his armour. Something very sharp slicing from neck to waist, grazing his skin. Matty screamed again, barely holding onto Rooster at all. His head got snapped back with the claw in his eyes, slowly digging into his sockets. " **FEN! NO!** "  
  
Blood ran down his face being thrown. Torn back hit a tree, scream wrenched from his mouth slumping down the bark. Short swords joining him broken into pieces. Pain, oh creators the pain going through him moving his legs. Head swam, blood trickled down his cheeks, in his eyes trying to move again. Cool warmth wrapped around him, fingers gently cupping his face brushing the tears and blood away.  
  
"I got you, okay. I got you. Fucking hell, I got you, Fen. I got healing stuff, okay."  
  
Fennix tried to nod, but the pain, Halla etunash was he in so much pain. He hissed through his teeth at the salve touching skin, tears rolling down his cheeks. He didn't want to die, he didn't want to not be able to see his Vhenan. But he could see nothing at all opening his eyes. Nothing at all. Were they even open then? "Matty?" wheezed from his lips, "My eyes."  
  
The other boy said nothing, shakily putting more salve on him.  
  
"Vhenan, my eyes! Why can't I see?"  
  
"Keep still, alright. I'm doing my best."  
  
"Sathan, Vhenan. My eyes, sathan. Oh creators, I can't see!" Panic ripped through him, panic, fear, everything shuddered and shook through his core. Soft fingers brushed over his lids, the pain, oh the pain when he screamed again, it was too much. It was all too much.  
  
"Solas, FUCK SOLAS! I NEED YOU!" Panic laced Matty's voice as well. No, no, no, no, he didn't want to be blind!  
  
More hands touched him, more cool warmth flooded his being. Solas muttering in elvish to calm him down. Panic went through everyones voices talking quietly around him, but his telamdys eyes won't open at all, he can't see anything but darkness. Calloused fingers turned his head, "Da'len, this will hurt. I can only save one, the other- the other- Ir abelas."  
  
"No." No, no, no, "Sathan, Hahren, Ar tel'nuvena ea telithal! Ir abelas, ir abelas, Ma vhenan!"  
  
Pain, pain, so much pain went through him again being healed. Hand caught his reaching up for his eyes, squeezing fingers hard grounding him. Head rested on his shoulders, arm holding him steady as he choked on sobs. _'Ma' lath, ma' sal', ma' sal'shiral'_ went around in his head over and over again drifting in and out of consciousness, "Ar lath ma, Ar lath ma, i ir abelas."  
  
"Stop saying sorry, Fen. Stop it. Your alive, thats all that matters. I'm here, not going anywhere. Kinda stuck with me, Fen. It's gonna be fine, okay. Its gonna be fine."  
  
Yes, yes it will be. Yes, he was alive. Matty held him tight in his arms, he was alive. In such agony, but alive.  
  
"Liam, Varric and Lace went to sort the Avvar out. Don't need to worry, okay. I killed it for you. I bloody well killed it for hurting you."  
  
Fennix's heart sputtered hearing that, gripping fingers even tighter. His vhenan killed something to protect him? A watery smile went over his face, he wanted to see, even if he had just one eye, he wanted to see. Blurry shapes came into view pealing eyes open squinting at the sudden light, but the blurry shape, the colour, the press of lips on his told him everything right now.  
  
"Ir abelas, Da'len. I saved your right eye, but your left, theres nothing I can do. Ma elana suledin ras laimasha."  
  
He smiled into the chaste kiss, "I can deal with one eye, Solas. Blurry, but I can deal with having one eye."  
  
"That will pass, Da'len. You need to rest, I will inform Haven to what happened here."  
  
He didn't care resting his forehead on his lath's right now. He didn't linast well care, slipping his eyes closed overcome with emotions going through him. He just wanted his Vhenan there with him, and nobody else, no-one. He didn't care, as long as they were together. Loosing an eye, was nothing for how he felt about the other boy. At least he can still see him, thats all that matters, pressing his lips on ones that fitted over his like the other half of him.  
  
_'Ar lath ma, i ga mah ar ame.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep forgetting stuff - Fennix is a little over six feet one in height. Matty, is five foot seven.  
> Really is reverse of Anders and Fenris. (Kinda cute really)
> 
> Also- Firm believer when an elf chooses a bond partner, its for LIFE. (Glares at Solas) Yeah you heard me jackarse. (Ungreatful stupid wolf. BAD PUPPY! You don't leave Fem!Lavellan.)  
> Its a life long bond like glue, nothing can separate them unless its death. Thats my thinking anyway, ain't changing it for no-one.  
> So Fen giving Matty the other piece of his pendant... Yup. Hope Solas took notes.
> 
> Translation -  
> Da'len - Child/Young Person  
> Sathan - Please  
> Pala - Fuck  
> Etunash - Shit  
> Linast - Bloody  
> Ir abelas - I am sorry  
> Telamdys - Damn  
> Vhenan - Heart  
> Lath - Love  
> Sal' or ma' dun - Soul of my body.  
> Ma' ina'lan'ehn, ir'ina'lan'ehn, lath - My beautiful, gorgeous, love.  
> Ar lath ma - I love you.  
> Ar lath ma la'var son - I love you as well.  
> Pala em elvar’el, sathan! - Fuck me harder, please!  
> La'var Ma vhenan nuven'in. Ar ju pala ma elvar'el, sule irlahna telir ma' melin - As my heart wants. I will fuck you harder, until you cry only my name.  
> Sathan, Hahren, Ar tel'nuvena ea telithal! Ir abelas, ir abelas, Ma vhenan! - Please, elder, I do not want to be blind! I am sorry, I am sorry, my heart!  
> Ma' lath, ma' sal', ma' sal'shiral - My love, my soul, my life.  
> Ma elana suledin ras laimasha - You can endure its loss.  
> Ar lath ma, i ga mah ar ame - I love you, with all that I am.


End file.
